Day 795 - Pooped Out

As a guy, you tend to find poop as a topic of hilarity. As a parent, you tend to find poop as a topic of health. So it should be of no surprise that I now find poop as a healthy topic to laugh about.

It really is fascinating how regularly you start to talk about poop when you become a parent. Instead of coming home and asking how the day went, you come home asking if the kids pooped. And not only if they pooped, but you actually go into detailed questions. Was it big? Was it small? Was it runny? Was it fragrant?

I bring all of this up because Emma has been poopless for the past few days. This makes the poop talk around the house even more intense because it becomes something you're anxiously awaiting. You start to check their diapers like the refrigerator you constantly open hoping something new will magically appear.

Today was sad because you could tell Emma was trying to poop. She was crying tears of frustration and pain because unlike an inmate in prison, Emma's butt kept on coming up empty. We have a stash of prunes in our pantry, so we fed a few to her hoping this magical elixir of excrement would work on her digestive system.

While giving her a bath, Emma stood up and began to cry again. Oh crap! I had to act fast or else there would be another kid that got dropped off in the pool. I quickly rinsed the shampoo out of her hair, wiped her down, and plopped her on her potty seat.

Lisa was calming Emma on her potty seat while I finished washing Andrew in the tub. Pretty soon, I heard Lisa say, "Yay, Emma!" Emma took a dump in her potty seat for the first time! And oh what a dump it was.

Now I know I have written about one of Emma's large poops before, but that was just a tease for the main event. It was as if Emma's butt was a clown car, and three hundred clowns just came out. Large, big-haired clowns too.

Just to further hit home how large this poop was, when Lisa flushed the poop down the toilet, the toilet actually backed up! There was a moment when I was afraid the water might've overflowed, but after a second flush all was well with the world.

I'm assuming Emma is probably eating too much protein or carbs, so we'll just have to make sure we balance her meals a little bit better with plenty of water, vegetables, fruit, and laxatives. Funny enough, when I asked Emma if she was happy that she finally went poop, this is what she said...

"Yes. Whew!"