Monday, December 31, 2007

Day 101 - New Year's Resolutions

Since it is about to be 2008, I asked our kids their list of resolutions. I had no idea what the hell they were saying to me, so I called up my cousin who is a baby translator at the United Nations. He spoke to Andrew and Emma and told me what they said.


1. Look less like a monkey.
2. Stop pooping in the tub.
3. Learn Latin.
4. Gain enough weight to actually fit in Grandma's winter parka.
5. Differentiate between Mom's and Dad's nipples.


1. Look less like Costanza, more like Elaine.
2. Grow enough hair to wear a barrette.
3. Take up yoga (perhaps with using one of those beautiful Beinjoy yoga mats!).
4. Work on more facial expressions besides hungry and pissed.
5. Stop smoking.

Everyone have a Happy New Year and a great 2008. And remember: don't drink and drive (Lisa tried breastfeeding while driving and boy was that a disaster)!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Day 99 - Grandma Be Illin'

The main reason why my mom did not want us to travel with the kids is because she did not want them to get sick. So it is of no surprise that ever since we've arrived in Sacramento the kids have been on Grandma house arrest. Andrew & Emma tried making a break for it, but since they don't know how to crawl they just fell out of the bed and cried for an hour.

I've tried to explain to my mom that being cold isn't going to make you sick, but she refuses to believe it. Then again she also believes Dancing With the Stars is an actual sport and betamax will make a comeback.

So how ironic that the other day my mom came down with a cold. And although she forbids our kids to go anywhere outside of the house it's perfectly fine to be home with the sick and invalid. And to top it all off, she still wants to hold the kids! At least, she washes her hands thoroughly and wears a surgical mask when she's near them. Hopefully the kids won't show any signs of a cold in the next few days. So far so good!

More importantly, I hope the kids don't associate Grandma with another person whose photo I have pasted down below.


Not Grandma.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Day 99 - Christmas Pics

I suppose we are going to make our annual trek to the casinos shortly, so here are some pictures from the past few days. Hopefully we'll have good luck and not have to ante up one of the kids.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Day 98 - Poll Results & New Poll: X-Mas Edition

According to the polls, 33% of you believed Emma would receive the most gifts. In actuality, Emma & Andrew received the most gifts followed by Lisa and then me. Unfortunately Jesus did not receive any gifts in our family (it was his birthday, too, for Christ sakes!), although Buddha did get a Wii and a gift certificate to Chili's.

Before getting to our new poll, I thought I'd go over how our holidays went in Santa Clara and Sacramento. When we first arrived in Santa Clara, as soon as we brought the kids inside Grandma Ichinaga's house she went straight for them. She didn't even offer to help bring in some of our luggage (I'll remember that, Sumi...). And from that moment on it was all about the kids.

All of Lisa's family came over to see the kids: her brothers Randy, Wes, Mike, Joey, and sister Susan (Auntie Anne's nemesis). They also brought along their respective wives, husbands, fiances, niece and nephews. With all of these Asians in one room, it was like a community theater's production of Flower Drum Song. Generally, I have enough energy to play around with all of the niece and nephews, but this year was especially tiring having the weight of our newborns.

Right after our annual Christmas brunch at Susan's house, we packed up the car and left for Sacramento. After a few hours, we arrived and as I remembered how Grandma Ichinaga didn't help us with the luggage because we brought the kids in first, I decided to bring in the kids last this time. So after several hours of unpacking our car and luggage, I finally returned to our car to bring the kids inside to see Grandma and Grandpa Ichikawa. We opened up our presents, had dinner, and rested the remainder of the night.

The next day my grandma visited to see her great-grandkids for the first time. Upon meeting them, she first pointed at Andrew, then Emma and said, "Dark. Light." I wasn't too sure if she was talking about their complexion or Star Wars personalities, but it was still a great Kodak moment.

Today, my best friend all the way from third grade, Koichi, visited with his three year old daughter, Ellie. Ellie's a cute, energetic girl who showed us her dances, songs, and fancy coat tricks. As I was playing with Ellie, we started to make stupid sounds at one another with pointy fingers.

"Blurp!" I exclaimed.

"Beep!" she answered.

Then I squinted my eyes and raised one eyebrow as I pointed my fingers at her as if I was pulling her in with a tractor beam. Ellie backed up a few steps looking concerned. She turned towards Lisa and asked, "Why is he doing that to me?"

Before you know it, Ellie started to bawl! She crawled on Koichi's lap burrowing her sad face into his chest.

I felt so bad! I asked her if she was okay and that I was sorry.

With tears running down her cheeks, she wiped them away with her velvet sleeves and raised her face towards me. What I was thinking would come next would be a little smile or one of those non sequitors that little kids often say. But I did not expect her to say what she said...

"Why do you always bother me?"

Why do I always bother you? Oh crap! She suddenly time warped me back to high school when that's what every girl I ever liked said to me. But like most three year olds, a few minutes past and everything was forgotten...unlike high school in which the embarrassment lasted at least a full semester.

This whole story led me to thinking what Andrew and Emma will think of me as a father when they grow up. Will they get me or will they be totally horrified by me? So this leads us to this week's poll: Will Andrew and Emma understand my sense of humor or not?

Tomorrow, I'll get a batch of pictures from last week posted for you to look at!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Day 97 - Car Poo Lane

First of all, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. And to my Jewish friends, I hope you had a fun time seeing "I Am Legend" and ate tasty Chinese food. I got quite a bit to catch up from the past few days, so let me start off with what it's like traveling with twins and then in the next day talk about our Christmas.

After five days of traveling with three month old twins, I have two words to describe it: Mer. Cy.

And it isn't the French word that means "thank you" unless you're using it in a sentence as in "Thank you for killing me ever so slowly." We're glad we made the trip, and I suppose we would do it again, but it isn't the easiest thing in the world. I'd say the key words to a successful trip with newborns would be preparation and colonoscopy: You've got to make sure you have everything you need for the babies, and you've got to be willing to take it in the ass.

Our car trunk on a typical holiday visit would consist of one large suitcase, one backpack, a duffel bag, a bag of snacks, and a box of presents. This year in addition to what I just mentioned we carried one suitcase of baby clothes, a duffel bag of baby items, a bag with a humidifier and a bottle sanitizer containing six bottles, a plastic bag with two sleep positioners and crib blankets, a play mat, a diaper bag, two car seats, and a double stroller. Needless to say we were very cramped inside our Mini Cooper.

(SIDE NOTE: We're all watching The Bourne Ultimatum on television right now. The big fight scene where Matt Damon beats up the assassin with a book and then chokes him to death in the grimy shower just ended. After the scene ends, my dad says, "Stomp him on the head!" And my mom counters, "Yah! Make sure he's dead, stupid.")

Our drive from Los Angeles to Northern California used to be a time for me to do mental math calculations to figure out what type of mileage I was getting and how fast I should be able to get to Santa Clara (e.g. If Santa Clara is 330 miles away, I can drive there in two hours if I maintain a consistent speed of 165 mph.). But all of that is thrown out of the window when driving with babies. You're on their schedule and their mercy. It doesn't matter if it takes five hours or eight hours because if it's going to take you three hours to clean up the poop stains from the backseat so be it.

Now here's the thing about the actual drive: babies love car trips. They love the movement of the car and the white noise; it totally puts them to sleep. But if kids love the movement of the car, you attentive (i.e. sober) readers out there may wonder what happens if you get stuck in traffic? Besides piercing your ears with a tire pressure gauge, you get crying babies.

While driving along Route 152 to Santa Clara, traffic came to a halt. A few minutes later, we had two babies crying bloody murder. I tried everything possible to calm the kids down: I made road noise with my voice; we shook their car seats; I even shared my last bag of reefer with them. Thankfully, there was an off-ramp so we took that and parked a bit to get the kids under control.

Once we made it to Santa Clara (and this goes the same for Sacramento), it takes a bit of time to figure out how to organize everything and get into a temporary routine. It's usually hard enough for us to unpack our toiletry bag and figure out where my shaver goes versus her maxipad packs, but imagine having to set up shop for twins. Here's my advice: simplify. Simplify everything. Use a bouncing ball instead of a baby swing. Use the kitchen sink instead of a baby bathtub. Use expired grocery coupons instead of baby wipes.

There are a lot of baby products out there, but if you really think about it there's not a whole bunch that you need to take care of a baby. Diapers, clothes, and boobs. Oh, and to lull that fussy baby to sleep, a 55" plasma television playing a blu-ray Classical Einstein disc. So go backwards from the necessities and figure out what you really need to bring and use.

And with that I leave you with one last French word as our babies cry for their nighttime feeding: merde.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Day 94 - We Made It

Very quickly, we are in a Peet's Coffee having a lot of coffee because...well...we drove to Santa Clara yesterday. To the right is a picture of the kids in Peet's. The person holding Emma is actually a homeless woman who was trying to steal Emma, but gave up after her upper body strength gave out and then left Emma on the floor.

A trip to Santa Clara usually takes us around five hours, but yesterday it took us seven and a half hours.

Quick highlights:

-Thinking we were prepared beyond belief by packing up as much of the car the night before, we woke up 8am, but still didn't leave the house until 11am.

-After driving 15 miles, I realized we forgot a couple of things at home so had to drive back to Los Angeles.

-Our lunch stop which was planned for under an hour, but took us one and a half hours due to our disastrous attempt at bottle feeding. Hint: Bottled water in a car gets very cold and babies will not want to drink it.

-Moving car equals quiet babies. Car stuck in traffic equals crying babies. Car stuck in traffic for twenty minutes equals crying babies and crying parents.

So we made it one piece and will probably post some pictures and a new update on Christmas Day!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Day 92 - Three Months Old

Three months old. That's how old my gray hairs are. It is also how old Emma and Andrew are today!

Lisa and I can't believe the kids are already three months old. So many things have changed since then. When they were first born they couldn't change their diapers, couldn't eat by themselves, had erratic sleeping schedules. And now? Now we don't change their diapers, we don't feed them, and we could care less about their sleeping. See how things have changed?

Tomorrow we will attempt to do our first road trip with the kids up to Santa Clara. We packed up the car already except for a few bags. We even put the kids in the backseat to make sure we don't forget them...unless we take the other car.

Anyway, here are a few pictures from the past week and even one from three months ago to compare their growth. Probably will see fewer entries the next few days, but I will update when we have some time. Happy holidays and wish us luck on the drive!!!

"The bear is giving me a wedgie!"

"What you think? Is this my good side?"

Like apes in the wild, twins also pick insects out of each other's hair.

Here are Andrew and Emma when they were one month old; the bears are sixteen years old.

Emma salutes you to have a happy holiday.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Day 91 - Poll Results & New Poll

Count along with me and let's see how many shows I have done:

1. Hangin' With Mr. Cooper
2. Chicago Sons
3. Nick Freno: Licensed Teacher
4. Rewind
5. Martin & Claudia
6. Movie Stars
7. Citation of Merit
8. Hype
9. The Norm Show
10. Bliss
11. Fastlane
12. Wanda at Large
13. Joint Custody
14. Aisha Tyler pilot
15. Washington Street
16. Hot Properties
17. The War at Home
18. Community Service
19. Operation Junkyard
20. Primetime Glick
21. Imposter
22. Face-Off
23. The I Do Diaries
24. Junkyard Wars
25. Renovate My Family
26. The Hollow Men
27. Notes From the Underbelly
28. Wife Swap
29. The Life & Times of Teddy Berman
30. Maggie Winters

So that's thirty different shows -- a mixture of pilots, shows, and presentations. I don't know if I should feel proud or pathetic about this list. Based upon the dark cloud over my head, I think pathetic. As I look at the list one more time, I feel like I am reading the TV Guide from hell. But honestly, a couple of the shows were good, I met a lot of nice people, and I have enough show jackets to keep me warm during the next ice age.

On to something more festive and cheery, this week's poll asks who will receive the most presents under the tree this year? Hint to family and friends: I have been very, very good this year...ANTE UP!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Day 90 -Is the Weather Outside Frightful?

If there's one thing my mom worries about the kids (besides their sleeping, crying, skin condition, eating, clothing, and breathing rhythms), it's their health. That's the main reason why she's so concerned about us traveling during the holidays. Doesn't want those nasty germs out there to rape the kids of their health. Damn raping germs...

As a result of her realizing that we would probably drive up, she sent us some winter jackets for the kids. Since we are in Los Angeles, the winters are never too cold. For example, right now I'm typing this blog in shorts and a sports bra. There have been a couple of days where it has been pretty chilly, but we make sure the kids are nice and cozy.

Usually when we go outside we have the kids dressed like this:

Nothing too out of control, right? They probably have three layers of clothes on, and we'll throw on a hat if need be. More than enough, I say.

When my dear mother told me she sent down these jackets for the kids I figured it would be a Gap-like type of thing. Nothing too thick, but still look like a winter jacket. So it was to my great surprise when I opened up the package that I initially thought I was sent two dead baby seals. These jackets looked way too large for the kids. We didn't have the kids try on the jackets...until tonight. Take a gander.

What was my mom thinking? Emma and Andrew look like two Mummenschanz rejects. You need to understand that their arms reach the elbow area of the sleeves and their legs almost touch the crouch area of the legs. If we lifted them up, they would disappear into the deep abyss of the right footsie.

I called my mom to tell her that the jackets were a bit too large for the kids, but they would probably be able to wear it sometime in January or February...of 2010. The one good thing that came out of this is that we contacted the Jim Henson Company, and our kids and jackets will be touring in the Ice Capades version of The Dark Crystal (I think they're playing a couple of skeksis).

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Day 89 - Holidays with Kids

This past Sunday we had our Secret Santa exchange with our friends, Paul & Michelle and Bernard & Joyce. What was different about it this year is that we all had kids. Paul & Michelle have a 2.5 year old boy, Jared:

And Bernard & Joyce just had a baby girl earlier this year named Abby:

One thing I notice about get-togethers with friends once you have kids is that they become daytime affairs. We're all so into our "schedules" with our kids that god forbid we get our kids an hour late to bed. The books we read about raising twins say that's it's pretty important to create a schedule for your kids or else you might be up all hours of the day (which is pretty much the way it is already). Both Lisa and I aren't too obsessed with schedules yet (the kids aren't even three months yet), but we try to have a semblance of something. For instance, we always try to feed them and give them a bath around the same time every day. We also let them cry it out every Thursday when I watch 30 Rock and The Office, and Lisa watches Grey's Anatomy. You'd think after several months of this they'd realize to give up on the crying on Thursdays. Dummies.

Our friends met at our place Sunday morning for breakfast. We all exchanged presents with one another and with our kids. Jared is old enough to have some favorite things. For instance, he enjoys Little Einstein toys. He also enjoys Little Pasteur, Little Edison, and Little Richard. But for the rest of the kids, they're all just babies. We exchanged some clothes and baby toys, and that's about it.

Personally, I don't even know if we're going to buy our kids anything for Christmas (Thanks writer's strike!). I'm sure we'll end up buying a couple of small things just for show, but really, what more do they want from us? We're giving them a lifetime of servitude. We don't get upset when they poop, pee, and spit up on us. If anyone else did that to me, I'd give them a beating (that includes you too Grandma). Lisa pulls out her boobs every 3 hours to feed them, and because of that I can't even play with them anymore. I'm sure things will be different next Christmas when the kids will be more engaging, but as long as they're little pooping blobs we'll bypass the extravagant gift giving this year.

As for the gift exchange, it pretty much went off without a hitch except I figured out who my Secret Santa was as well as what gift I was going to get. You see, a few weeks ago Lisa sent out emails to tell everyone who their Secret Santa is. A week past, and Bernard and Joyce came to visit us one weekend. As we were all talking, Bernard had this conversation with me:

Bernard: have television shows on dvd, right?
Scott: err...yah.

By this point, I figured Bernard was my Secret Santa.

Bernard: Do you have the Seinfeld dvds?
Scott: err...yah.

By this point, I figured Bernard was going to buy me a Seinfeld dvd. I just hoped he wouldn't buy me a season I already have.

Bernard: Do you have Season 9 yet?

Thankfully, Bernard asked me that question or else I was going to say, "I sure could use Season 9."

Now I could've been totally wrong about Bernard being my Secret Santa because I started thinking that maybe Joyce, his wife, could be my Secret Santa. Perhaps Joyce was using Bernard as the middleman to figure out what to buy me.

Cut to the middle of last week when I met Bernard for lunch. After we ate, Bernard wanted to walk to Best Buy to see if they had any Wiis in stock. Walking to Best Buy, we had this exchange:

Bernard: Do you mind if we go to Best Buy?
Scott: Of course not.
Bernard: Yah, I went there recently to buy your gift...

I looked at him. He was my Secret Santa.

Bernard: buy a gift for you and Lisa.

That was as bad a cover-up as when I came home from a strip club and told Lisa I was just testing body lotion at Bath & Body Works.

The important thing was that we all had a good time, and we now know not to ask Bernard to do any investigative work for us.

Andrew's impersonation of Julianne Moore's nude scene in "Short Cuts."

The reason why Emma has been having nightmares.

Good thing our couch has a chaise or else we'd have to chop off Jared's legs.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Day 88 - Holiday Apologies!

Sorry! Been busy with a bunch of last minute holiday stuff this weekend, so kinda left the blog dormant. And I was on such a roll!

My friend, Jennifer, emailed me last week and said:

So is your show done with production? I've noticed that you've been posting on your blog a lot more frequently, so I figured you may be having a little more time on your hands than usual.

Ah yes, young padawan. Due to the wonderful disagreements between the AMPTP and the WGA, the show I am working on -- much like every scripted show -- is shutting down. Merry Christmas to us! So yes, I do find myself with a little more free time to spend a few minutes here and there to post little stories in between diaper changes and feedings.

I have a few stories and photos to share with you from the past days, but in the meantime here are some photos for now! More to follow...

"You've got spunk...I hate spunk."

"Holy Indiana Jones flashback," yells Andrew. "A gigantic boulder is rolling towards my head!"

Here you see the heads emerging from the cocoons as the Japanese caterpillar
completes its

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Day 84 - Food Swings

Although we try to keep the kids on similar schedules, they're not robots (I wish they were robots at times cause robots don't poop out of their diapers...although that HAL did try to kill Dave. Hmm...). The amount of alertness and activity varies during the day. Emma might be up crying while Andrew is asleep. Or Andrew might be up amusing himself on the playmat while Emma is, well, crying.

We are getting close to the point where the kids are going to be aware of our presence, but in a simplistic way. If Emma falls asleep in our arms and we put her in the crib, she might wake up and be confused why we aren't there anymore. To her, we disappeared. She doesn't understand we're just in the other room packing our suitcases getting ready to disappear.

One thing we have noticed is that the kids are most happy in the morning and after they have been fed. As for the feedings, Lisa breast feeds both kids for about 15 minutes. And then we wait for a little bit to see if they are still hungry. If they are, we give them a small bottle of formula to calm them down. Sometimes they want the bottle, and sometimes they don't. But what a difference when they do take the bottle. Lisa took the following pictures after feeding the kids earlier this week:

Emma after breast feeding and having a bottle.

Andrew after just breast feeding.

Andrew after breast feeding and a bottle.

Emma after just breast feeding.

I also had a picture of myself after breast feeding, but Lisa forbade me to post that picture.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Day 83 - Poll Results & New Poll

It looks like despite my mom's efforts to get Oprah's encouragement and endorsement to keep us down in Los Angeles for the holidays, last week's poll resulted with 50% of you believing it would be a good idea to travel to Northern California. The other half was a mixture of "don't you even think of it" and "wait and see."

This week's poll doesn't have anything to do with the kids, but Auntie Anne thought it would be interesting. I was IMing Auntie Anne about her famous Almond Crunch pretzels, and we started talking about blog sites and internet journalism. She mentioned how tough it is to get a steady freelance blogging gig, and I told her how I'm totally used to instability. For those of you who know me you already know I work in television production. And for those of you who don't know me I have made millions being a body double for Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Dame Judi Dench.

The question I ask you this week is how many television productions have I done? This includes twelve years of working on television series, pilots, and presentations. I have not included any shows in my count that have won Emmys, been a top ten show, or went into syndication...because none of my shows have done that.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Day 82 - Stupid: The Sequel

I was going to write about our first week on our own tonight, but something happened that will have to push this entry to a later date.

You see, last night was not a very good night for us. Both kids were pretty fussy, and nobody slept much. Tonight after putting the kids down and eating dinner we started watching "The Bourne Ultimatum" on television. Despite Lisa's fascination with Matt Damon and my fascination with...well...Matt Damon we both were getting quite sleepy. So my brilliant idea at around 8pm tonight was to take a short nap. And the timing was almost perfect since both kids would wake up around 9pm for their next feeding. Off to bed we went. I cozied myself up with my Pound Puppy ready to wake up 30 minutes later refreshed and ready to take on my things to do list.

Right this very minute it is 11:17pm. Over three hours past and the entire Ichikawa family just woke up about 15 minutes ago. I feel crappy and just set my things to do list on fire. Lisa is worried the kids won't sleep through the night now. And both Emma and Andrew are crying. Actually, I'm crying now too.

I suppose the lesson to be learned is twofold: 1) There is no such thing as a short nap when you're exhausted. 2) Learn to use your damn alarm clock.

In the meantime, enjoy these pictures that represent how I feel right now.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Day 81 - Spit Stop

In my life I have always had two fears: heights and insects (don't even talk about tall insects with me). Today I proudly add a third: baby spit up.

Do you know how some people have a fear of balloons? How they fear that any second that balloon will burst into bits? That's what I feel like about baby spit up. After you feed that baby you don't know when or where, but eventually that kid is going to open up and spew out mommy's boob juice.

And that's another thing. Your kid is spitting up your wife's tit pee. I know it's natural and healthy and totally normal...BUT STILL...I can't get out of my mind when I'm scrubbing that sofa with sudsy water and a sponge that I'm cleaning up tit pee. Come on now. That's a little gross.

I don't think Emma and Andrew spit up too regularly which makes it all the worse for me. Their unpredictable spit schedule drives me crazy. Are they going to spit up on my shoulder? Where's a burp cloth? Is it a good idea to hold Emma's head over this laptop after a feeding? But like a good bulimic, after our kids purge they don't complain or cry. If anything they tend to be happy and sometimes even smile.

About forty percent of young babies spit up regularly and the peak age for this is around four months. Our kids aren't even three months yet so they haven't even hit their prime. The cause of spit up can be any number of things. Maybe the baby is taking in too much air when they're feeding. Overeating can also do it especially since their digestive system isn't totally developed yet. Another known cause is sticking your finger at the back of your baby's tongue.

So what do you do to keep the food down? Burping, keeping your baby in an upright position after feeding, and trying to calm your kid can all help. We're pretty good about making sure our babies burp, and we just started to keep Emma upright after feedings. We had her stop doing sit-ups cause we think that might've been problematic.

No more sit-ups for you, Missy!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Day 80 - Playdate Pummel

There were two big fights this weekend: the Mayweather vs. Hatton fight and the Ichikawa vs. Lee fight. Our friends Bernard and Joyce visited this weekend and brought along their daughter, Abby. Abby is a few months older than our kids, although Emma is busily chugging down protein shakes to catch up.

Before they left, we put all of the kids on the sofa for a little photo session. As you can see below, our innocent Andrew kept on punching poor little Abby. Here are the fight highlights:

Abby takes a punch to her right eye.

Andrew goes for the Three Stooges nyuk-nyuk-nyuk bonk to the head.

The nyuk-nyuk-nyuk puts Abby down for the count, but she gets back up.

Abby tries to defend herself by holding onto Andrew's arm...

...but Andrew breaks out of the hold and counters with a blow so devastating it pushes Abby a good 10 inches down the sofa.

Coach Emma demonstrates to Andrew what move to do next which he does with aplomb.

After the referees declare Andrew the winner, Abby attacks Coach Emma for no particular reason.

This post-fight photo shows Emma hungry, Andrew dazed out of his mind, and Abby delusional thinking she scored the championship belt.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Day 79 - Stupid

Since we've been going out more often with the kids, we are put in the situation of talking to total strangers. Most of them are nice and make small talk. They like to look at the kids, ask what it's like to have twins, and wonder if we know any good sushi places (the Valley is full of Caucasians with wannabe Asian palates).

One has been scary. We were walking to CVS and a woman who was probably walking to get her meds stormed by us and yelled "You get twins when you're a whore!" She also yelled at a garbage can so we didn't take it personal. Although I wonder who she was calling a whore. It's hard to say since Lisa and I were both wearing high heels that day.

But there is one question that is asked over and over again, and I must say it's kinda dumb. It usually goes a little something like this:

Stranger: Oh! Are they twins?

Us: Yes.

Stranger: Are they a boy and a girl?

Us: Yes.

Stranger: Are they identical?

Now how could they be identical if we just said we have one boy and one girl? Let's think of the ways this could actually make sense. If Emma had a penis and balls instead of a vagina, then I suppose our kids could be identical. Or if Andrew had a vagina and no penis and no balls, then Emma could be his identical sibling. But if Andrew only had two balls that would not make him Emma's identical sister because if that was true then I would also be a girl. And that's just plain stupid.