Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Day 220 - Cutting Edge

What's worse than one baby teething? Answer: Two baby teething.

That's right. We went feeling around in Andrew's mouth today and what did we find besides a rusty nail and a dead mouse? A tooth!

You can't take a picture of his tooth because it just cut through the gums. It's one of those things you can touch but can't see, like getting to second base or just being blind.

As soon as his tooth comes out a little more we'll try to get a picture of it, but Andrew hates being held down. For some reason, Andrew tends to get a lot of boogers in his nose. He must take after Daddy because the only thing up Mommy's nose is a rolled up dollar bill caked with c-dust. When we try to get the boogies out of his nose with tissues, he cries and becomes uncooperative like Lisa in a Best Buy store. Hopefully we can just get him to laugh and take a quick picture.

Emma's lone lower tooth is coming out nicely. She looks like an Asian hillbilly baby from a Japanese version of Hee Haw. Although she doesn't drool nearly as much as Andrew, she more than makes up for it in her daily poopings. Her record breaking seven poops in one day is sure to have David Blaine planning his next stunt.


Monday, April 28, 2008

Day 219 - Poll Results & New Poll

Today is the exciting conclusion to The Sit Off! Who will fall? Who will prevail? Seventy-seven percent of you believe little monkey Andrew is going to fall flat on his face. Let's watch and find out!


video

So there you have it! The nail-biting conclusion. Wasn't it all worth it?!? Nothing funnier than a baby landing flat on the floor (except maybe an elderly person in a walker falling down a flight of stairs)!

If you haven't heard already, I am in quite the bind. Now that my parents have moved into their apartment, we have been slowly getting the other bedroom ready for the kids. What I thought would be an easy move of wheeling the two cribs into the room has now become my nightmare. I measured the width of the cribs and the only way to get them into the bedroom is to take them...ALL APART! UGH! Do you know how hard it was to get the cribs together? Imagine putting an Ikea desk together...except you're blind, have no thumbs, and you're dead. Impossible!!!

The question I pose to you this week is how long should I procrastinate this move? Should I do it this weekend and get it over with? Or should I just take my sweet time and not rush into it?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Day 218 - Food Fight

A few weeks ago my dad said Andrew is going to be a rascal.  I told my dad there's no way Andrew is going to be a rascal.  Then my mom said Andrew is going to be a rascal.  I told my mom the same thing.  Finally Lisa said Andrew is going to be a rascal.  I hit her.

Sadly, I think I have been in denial and everyone else was right.  What changed my mind about Andrew's demeanor?  It all struck me while I was feeding him dinner last night.

Typically, Andrew is a better eater than Emma.  I know, I know...big shock, right?  It's just that Andrew is better at keeping the food in his mouth while Emma tends to push the food out with her tongue.  Last night's dinner was a scrumptious bowl of formula flavored oatmeal and a smaller bowl of fresh pureed carrots (more about making fresh food in a future entry).  What small baby wouldn't love a dinner like this?

I put Andrew in his high chair and placed the two bowls on the tray.  The bowls have suction cup bottoms so they're difficult to pull off.  Safety first!  And so I began the process of feeding Andrew.

The darting of Andrew's eyes should've clued me in that he wasn't so interested in eating.  He began to stare at Emma eating.  I shoved a spoonful of oatmeal into his mouth.  He screamed.  I tried to get his attention by making some funny sounds.  He turned towards me.  Again I moved the spoon towards his mouth, but his hands began to move towards the bowl.  Andrew was trying to get his hands in the bowl.  I told him no -- for whatever good that might've been for.  The spoon moved towards Andrew's mouth again and his hands moved towards the bowl.

Smart me, I pulled the food tray as far away from Andrew as possible.  Andrew tried to grab the bowls and was unsuccessful.  One point Scott, diddly squat for Andrew.  Andrew made a grunting sound unhappy at the bowls being far away, but back went the spoon towards the mouth.  Andrew made a shriek and smacked the spoon away from him.  Oatmeal and pureed carrots hit his face, bib, and other parts of body.  I took a little wash cloth to wipe him down, but this made him shriek even more.

"Dude!" I pleaded.  "You've got to calm down!"

I'm not too sure why I used the word "dude" because it's really not a part of my every day lexicon.  Go figure, dude.  

After wiping him down, I tried to feed him again.  But somehow he was able to grab the carrot bowl.  Thankfully the bowl was suctioned to the tray so he couldn't get it off.  I grabbed his hand and held it.  But Andrew took his other hand and tried to grab the bowl.  I had the spoon in my other hand so I had to put it in the bowl.  Now I grabbed both his hands, but this proved rather stupid because now I had no way to feed him.  So I let go of one hand and then SMACK!  He used the spoon like a catapult and oatmeal flew into his face again.

"DUDE!  DUDE!  DUDE!  What are you doing?"

More shrieking followed more face wiping.  Finally, I decided I would put both of the bowl on the floor so he wouldn't be distracted by them.  Andrew looked a bit puzzled not know what to do with no bowls.  Two points Scott, zilch for Andrew!  At last I could feed him some food.

Getting a small dollop of oatmeal on the spoon was just enough distraction for me for Andrew to grab the wash cloth full of oatmeal and carrots.  He started flinging the wash cloth like a pom pom resulting in a slight drizzle of baby food.  Two points Scott, three points Andrew.  Andrew wins.

It is evident that Andrew has a determined curiosity about things.  Whether or not this will make him a rascal is yet to be proven, but you never know...oh hell.  Fine.  He's a rascal.  I don't know how common the term 'rascal' is used nowadays, but Andrew is one.  Dude, this sucks.





Saturday, April 26, 2008

Day 217 - Nothing But the Tooth

All this time we thought Andrew's teeth were going to pop out first because he has been so fussy and full of drool. So imagine our surprise when Emma's bottom tooth began to appear this week. More so, imagine how surprised Lisa's nipples were.

I was at work this week when my dad sent me an e-mail with the subject line "emma -- surprise." Being the ignorant and naive male, I thought Emma got her period. But my dad just informed me that they caught a glimpse of Emma's bottom tooth (...god I hope my mom wasn't breast feeding...).

When I returned home that night, I rushed to Emma and reached inside to feel that first tooth. Lisa informed me I had Emma upside down. After washing my hands, I correctly felt around Emma's mouth and touched her tooth. It's barely visible, but it's definitely there.

It took many tries to take a picture of Emma's tooth because whenever her mouth is opened she tends to stick out her tongue. After many attempts, I finally realized that the best way to get a picture of her mouth opened wide enough is to make her extremely uncomfortable and on the verge of crying. So please enjoy these few pictures because Lisa will never let me do this again.


After pinning Emma to the floor, I got this picture of Emma with her mouth opened. It's a little hard to see the tooth, so I enlarged the picture.



So there you go. One down, nineteen more baby teeth to go...followed by thirty two adult teeth...and possible wisdom teeth extractions. Or to be more specific with our family: one down, thirty nine more baby teeth, followed by sixty four adult teeth. Wow...I really miss my sleep. I want my Nana -- who by the way has no teeth (What the hell? All of these sleepless nights just to end up having no teeth again?).

Friday, April 25, 2008

Day 216 - Picture Friday

After a hard day of hunting, Emma goes to sleep with her decapitated bunny slaughter.


"Ladedah...Hey Emma! Is that a Big Mac?"


"Big Mac? Where's the Big Ma...HEY! Stop taking my binkie!"

"Look at my impression of Dad! 'Derdeeder...I'm a goofy geek..Yuk yuk yuk!'"


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Day 215 - Daddy's Little Girl

Today I shared a special bond with Emma because I realized we have something in common: we both find farting sounds hilarious. There's nothing funnier than a juicy fart sound. "A Fish Called Wanda" or a fart? Farting wins. "Seinfeld" reruns or a fart? Farting wins. Lisa tripping while jogging or a fart? Lisa tripping wins. So I correct myself that there's one thing funnier than a juicy fart sound.

Lisa took a quick little video of Emma on my tummy while I was making farting sounds. Two things to take special note of: 1) In the background, look at how Andrew pathetically tries to join in on the fun. 2) See if you can guess which fart sound is real.

Enjoy!!!


video

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Day 213 - Seven Months Old

Can you believe seven months has past already? For perspective purposes, let's crunch some numbers:

Diapers changed: Over 2600
D batteries used: Over 170
Sofas ruined with urine and spit: 1
Parental sleepless nights: 7 months

I would have to say that in the past month or two it has become a little more interesting having the little kids around. What's interesting to me right now is that they're at the point where they recognize you. In the mornings, Emma might be quietly awake in her crib. And if she glimpses me passing by her crib she will immediately start to cry to get attention. So I gently tip toe to the edge of the crib and sweetly whisper, "Please don't be an attention whore."

With Andrew, I experimented a few weeks ago to see if he would smile at me if I didn't smile at him. After returning from work, instead of smiling at him I would just go up to him and blankly stare at him and say "...hi...andrew..." To my pleasant surprise he reciprocated with a gigantic grin that declared in great bold letters, "Dad. Just smile and don't be a jackass!"

Off the top of my head, there are several other changes that occurred over the past month:

-The kids are much better at sitting up as evidenced by yesterday's video post.
-They are pretty good at grabbing objects and switching them from hand to hand.
-They are becoming more vocally active with screeching and yelling.
-Andrew grew a mustache and Emma has a goatee. Seriously! Look...



I suppose the next big steps in development will be teething and crawling. And before you know it, Lisa and I will be losing our teeth, reverting to crawling, and crapping our pants. Ah, the lovely circle of life.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Day 212 - Poll Results & New Poll

Last week I asked you loyal readers of soy bean blogs how much longer should Lisa continue to breast feed. Well, sweet of nectar of life! Fifty percent believed Lisa should try to breast feed for a full year and then let me take over. I know now what I want for my birthday present this year: a case of chapstick from Costco. Move over Emma and Andrew! Daddy be thirsty!

For this week's poll, I thought I'd make it a little different and fun. I videotaped Emma and Andrew sitting down. After watching the video, I want you to vote and guess who falls down first! Have fun (I know one of the kids didn't have fun after falling down...)!




video

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Dat 211 - Pack N Play N Paste


Ever since my parents started to babysit the kids during the weekdays, my mom commented how Andrew rolls all over the place.  This is true.  He does not have the ability to crawl or walk, but he has mastered the roll.  You can place him in the middle of the room and watch him roll to the other side.  I even put Andrew at the 405/101 interchange and he rolled all the way down to the Getty Center off ramp.

To help my parents out, I finally took the Pack N' Play out of the closet and assembled it.  On a side note, don't you think this product is misnamed?  If you take the name literally, you're packing this playpen up and then the kid's gonna play with it.  That's just plain stupid.  So shouldn't it really be called Play N' Pack as in "after you finish playing we're packing this sucker up."  I don't know.  These things annoy me.  Cauliflower also annoys me so maybe I should just calm down.

Towards the end of last week, my parents had the Pack N' Play at their disposal.  Grandma Ichikawa put Andrew in there for a little bit, but she said he just sat in there confused not knowing what to do (Maybe if it was called a Play N' Pack he would know what to do...).  There were a couple of toys in there for him to play with, but the grapevine tells me that he didn't know what to make out of this new baby confinement contraption.

But he wasn't the only one who didn't like the playpen:  Grandma Ichikawa didn't like it.  She told Lisa it looked like a prison.  I suppose it would look like a prison if prisons were made out of mesh and plastic and were only three feet high.  Grandma's solution to this baby prison problem was to paste things all over the inside and outside of the playpen.  She wanted to go to a fabric store, buy some brightly colored sheets, and glue them all over.  Needless to say, I don't think that's the greatest idea because the kids will probably pull all of the fabric off.

Crazy Grandma and her crazy ideas.  I guess the next time I see her I'll tell her not to glue things to the playpen.  And with that I'm going to finish hanging full-length mirrors over the cribs with yarn before I go to sleep.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Day 210 - Cute?


What do I think is cute?  Newborn puppies.  Babies.  Dr. Phil.  All typical answers, right?  Last night, my mom redefined what the word cute means.

Ever since Emma and Andrew started to eat more solid foods, there are occasions where you can tell they are constipated.  They might be on the floor or even in their high chair, but there is this aura of concentration -- both on their face and in their asses.  A couple of grunts might be followed with a slight reddening of the cheeks (once again, both face and ass).  And then it's all over.  And it's anyone's guess whether there is a bunch of crap in their diaper or nothing at all.  Feces or famine, I say.

So last night, Andrew -- who has been hit with more constipation than Emma -- started to grunt giving us the cue that he was trying to push out his little baby we like to call Baby Poopy.  Grandma Ichikawa was holding Andrew and we told her to wait a few minutes before checking to see if his diaper needed to be changed.  Time past and Grandma Ichikawa decided to do a quick check inside Andrew's depository.  And this is what Grandma said...

"Ohhhhh!  Rook at dat!  Andrew did the tiny-est poo-poo in his pants.  Hard as rock.  Rittle as a pebble.  It is sooooo cute!"

Wait a second...rewind please.

"!etuc ooooos si tI  .elbbep a sa elttiR..."

"Rittle as a pebble.  It is sooooo cute!"

Okaaaaay.  My mom just described a concentrated clump of crap as cute.  Even if Andrew's poop came out smiling with two googly eyes and a purple fedora, I still wouldn't call it cute.  Furthermore, my mom just popped it out of the diaper and put it in a kleenex to throw in the garbage.  If Grandma Ichikawa ever describes Andrew's urine as sexy, I just won't know what to do with myself.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Day 209 - Picture Friday

"psst...Emma...it's Picture Friday...people are looking...come on...chin up!"


Hats suck.


"I smell a...HAMBURGER!!! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!"



Hats still suck.


"...and I pick up scrawny, little Andrew by his ear and tell him his head is too small to wear a hat. So I take his hat and it ends up being too small on me! Ain't that just hilarious?"


Have a great weekend!


Thursday, April 17, 2008

Day 208 - Sit Up!

Although I have mentioned in an earlier entry about how Emma is beginning to sit, she has really improved in the past week.  You can prop her up on the floor, the sofa, or even a 7th story balcony ledge and she won't topple over.  She's not an expert at sitting quite yet, but she has come a long way in about a week.  At the very least, I think she can sit up for a few minutes before gravity takes over and Emma's head is once again introduced to Mr. Floor.

Andrew still hasn't been able to sit up for a long amount of time because he's so squirmy.  Even when you carry him, he's looking to left, right, up, down.  Stay still already!  All I can say is we're going to have to switch him over to decaf formula pretty soon.

I think Emma's ability to sit up opens up a whole new world of possibilities that will make life easier.  Instead of holding Emma to watch television, we can be even lazier and let her sit on the couch for hours on end.  We also no longer have to worry about running out of diapers because we can just let Emma sit on the crapper until something squeezes out.  And if we're ever in someone else's car and there isn't enough room for her, Emma can just sit on the roof until we make it to Sacramento.

Don't get me started on the possibilities when they can start to walk!  Let's just say there will be a lot of piggyback rides given to mom and dad to and from work (Have you seen the price of gas lately?).

Tee-hee.  Can you believe it?  I can sit on my butt!  Tee-hee.


Oooof.  Remind me the next time that sitting and pooping...not a good combination. 

Day 207 - Cartoon Wednesday (oh fine...it's Thursday)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Day 206 - Daddy's A Rotten Bastard


...or at least that's what I think Emma and Andrew were thinking.

Before I get to why they thought I was a rotten bastard, I need to explain something. Time is a foreign concept now. I have a hard time keeping track of the days and where the hours pass. I don't know what bills need to be paid and I forget to cut my toenails. Days turn into months, and my toenails still aren't cut. And before you know it your kids no longer fit sideways in their cribs anymore (as well as my feet).

What I'm getting at is that even at this young age of almost seven months, the time flies by and sometimes you forget your kids are growing and developing. You often find yourself doing things they liked three months ago but now find extremely uncomfortable and annoying. Or maybe even your stupid antics around the house may eventually scare the crap out of your kids.

Ah yes...this is where we get to the rotten bastards part of the story.

When I'm at home, I have a tendency to be annoying. And by annoying I mean...well...really annoying. I like to repeat jokes over and over again until they're so unfunny they become slightly funny again. I like to make weird sounds (both oral and anal) on the sofa as Lisa watches her reality television shows. I also like to jump out of corners or suddenly appear in dark places to scare Lisa. This happens on a regular basis. It's a wonder I ever got married.

My tendency to do things over and over again is actually great with the kids. Whether it's a song, book, or jazz hands, kids like things to be repeated. Even before Emma and Andrew could really appreciate peek-a-boo, I would play it with them. I'd hide behind the sofa, a door, or Lisa's ass and jump out and say "Boo!" Sometimes they would smile, but most of the time they would just stare at me like the idiot people say I am.

Just last week, I came to the conclusion that the kids no longer like the way I was so used to playing peek-a-boo. How did I come to that conclusion? Because I made Emma and Andrew jump from the floor and cry bloody murder, you rotten bastard.

I swear I played the game no differently, but the reaction was very different. Andrew was first. I raised a blanket in front of me, dropped it, and then shouted "BOO!" And boy oh boy, did he cry. I might give him a break if instead of "BOO!" I shouted "I HAVE CANCER!" or "YOU'LL NEVER PAY OFF YOUR COLLEGE LOANS!"

As for Emma, she called me a rotten bastard on a different day. I had my back to her watching television, and then I turned around and shouted "HI EMMA!" Her entire body shivered -- especially her cheeks -- and then her eyes welled with tears before she let loose a bellowing "WAAAAHHH!"

Stupid me, I wasn't too sure if it was me or them. Maybe the kids were just tired. So I tried doing it to them again on a different day. Guess what? It's me...

So lesson learned for Scott Ichikawa. I learned that the kids are now old enough to crap their pants not only when they're full, but when they're scared. I may not be a perfect father, but I figure just like any other new dad you learn from your mistakes and try to be a little better every day. You just have to wake up and put on your pants one leg at a time...even if your long toenails make it a little difficult.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Day 205 - Poll Results and New Poll


Last week, I asked all of you cooks out there whether or not we should purchase the Beaba Babycook or just buy something a little simpler. Well you Infant Baby Food Network junkies voted and 38% believed we should get a mini food processor. Only 15% thought the Beaba Babycook would be a worthwhile investment. I end the discussion of the Beaba with a simple joke:

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Beaba.

Beaba who?

See ya, wouldn't want to Beaba!

HAHAHAHA...HOOHOO...ha...fine. I said it was a simple joke, don't judge my love of puns.

For this week's poll, I was thinking about Lisa's breasts. For dessert this evening, I had a little muffin with a glass of milk. As I was pouring the milk, I started to ponder the fate of Lisa's ta-tas. Ever since she started back to work, she hasn't really had the time to breastfeed or pump as much. Yet she still takes the time to try to release the booby traps at least twice a day during the weekdays and on a more regular basis on the weekends. She definitely doesn't have enough nipple liquid for a full feeding so we always supplement with formula. In seven days, the kids will be seven months old. I ask all of you how much longer do you think Lisa should continue to pull at her two-eyed udder?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Day 204 - I Gotta Pea


I'm not a very picky eater. Heck. I'm not even very picky about whom I marry. But there is one food that I don't like: peas. I don't know what it is about them, but the way they pop and mush in your mouth at the same time turns me off. It's almost like eating a zit. And who likes eating zits, right people? So imagine my displeasure when the next solid food we introduced to the kids is peas.

As a parent, you shouldn't impose your own personal prejudices upon your children. Whether your prejudices are against peas or nomadic Eskimos, you need to let your kids try a new vegetable or build an igloo on the arctic tundra.

This evening we got the kids in their high chairs and assembled their delicious dinner of rice cereal and pureed peas. Just in case we were going to be treated to a disgusting look of taste bud revolt, I set up the camcorder and got our digital camera ready. After a few tastes of peas, I got a couple of pictures that tell the whole story:



Although these expressions tell a story of utter revulsion, the baby books say you need to feed your kids these different foods around eight to ten times before you can really tell if they hate something. After all, this is the way Lisa looked when she first began to date me. And it only took eight to ten years for her to eventually smile at me.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Day 203 - Moving Day


Today Grandma & Grandpa Ichikawa moved out of our place and settled into their new apartment down the street. It's just over a mile away from us so I can still hear my mom yelling at me about not washing my hands. Speaking of which, my mom tells me that you should wash your hands as long as it takes you to sing the "Happy Birthday" song. Needless to say, I hear the "Happy Birthday" song all...the...time. But back to the moving...

My parents moved into this large apartment complex called The Plaza. It has too many amenities that my parents will never use. Sadly the two basic things that my parents want aren't working: Directv and the internet. My mom tells me when you get old the only two things you care about is your television and casinos (Silly me, I thought it was your health and family...what do I know.). Imagine my mom's disappointment when the Directv installer came and couldn't get a picture on the television. I think the last time I saw my mom so sad was when she ran out of clorox. Hopefully by the time you read this, the television will be working. If not, the closest casino is just north of San Diego.

As for the internet, my dad's DSL line isn't working. He keeps on tinkering with it and is trying to get the green light working on his router. I'm kinda impressed my dad is all up-to-date with this technology because most people his age probably think a router is some sort of procedure to ease arterial blockage.

After I helped my parents drop off some furniture at their new place, I started to rearrange the furniture in our second bedroom to make room for the cribs. I had to move this fairly large changing table/clothes drawer across the room. It was pretty hefty, but I was able to get it done. Anytime I move or lift something visibly heavy reminds me of this time I helped a friend move. She was moving apartments so I helped get all of the stuff into the moving truck. There was a lot of pretty large items like a sofa, television, refrigerator, etc. And after completing the job, she told me, "Wow, Scott. You must be stronger than you look." I try to convince myself she was complementing me, but every time I walk past a mirror I know I'm kidding myself.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Day 202 - Picture Friday

"A, my name is (hic) Andrew (hic)..."


"Lady...stop looking at me. You're freaking me out."


Emma's impersonation of Daddy going to Hell for this blog site.


"There has GOT to be an easier way to get to the middle of the plate..."


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Day 201 - Empty Hands and Full Tables


Listen, I know this is a terrible picture of me. Actually, let me correct myself.

Listen, I know this is a more terrible than usual picture of me. But I post this picture to make two points: 1) The foreground water glass makes me look shorter and scrawnier than I really am. 2) I have no kid in my arms.

This has become a bit par for the course. You would think that with two kids it wouldn't be a problem for each parent to hold one. But when you throw into the equation Grandma Ichikawa the formula gets a little messed up.

Ever since I've started working again, my typical day has me leaving for work between 7:45-8:00am. Emma or Andrew might be awake during this time, but it really is just a flip of the coin if I'm able to see them. Then between 6:45-7:00pm I get into the car to drive home from work; it's about a 35 minute commute. When I get home, I say hi to everyone and wash my hands. It's very important I wash my hands because if I don't, Grandma Ichikawa won't let me touch the kids.

Now here's where it gets kinda crazy. I have about 20-25 minutes to spend time with the kids before we put them to bed at around 8pm. But during this time, my mom is finishing cooking dinner. So while I'm playing with the kids, my mom will begin to shout, "DINNER TIME! STOP PLAYING! EAT DIN-NAH BEFORE GET COLD! HURRY HURRY HURRY!"

And I tell my mom to go ahead and eat because I'll eat a little later. As I continue to spend time with the kids, Grandma Ichikawa will come up to me and take a kid away.

"GO EAT! I CARRY! GO GO GO! GETTING COLD! EAT NOW!"

The way she shouts is a scary mix between a military officer and an angry Chinese cook. I'll grab one of the kids back and tell her I'll hold the baby on my lap while I eat. Now we're all around the dining table eating dinner. Usually, my mom will finish first because she doesn't take a big plate (plus she snacks a lot throughout the day). After she finishes, she will try to grab the kid back.

"I finish first. You eat. EAT EAT EAT!"

Now this is just reminding me of really bad porn dialogue. So Grandma Ichikawa will take the kid from me and start to walk around. After I finish eating, I'll take which ever baby is available and spend a few last minutes before bedtime.

Once 8pm hits, my mom will start saying, "SLEEP! TIME TO SLEEP! GETTING LATE! GO TO SLEEP!" And once again, she will try to take the child I'm holding to whoosh them off to bed. So I'll take the baby back after telling my mom to calm down, and I'll head off to the bedroom with Lisa to put the kids to sleep.

What I just described is pretty much the way it has been for the past few weeks. My mom has gotten a little better about not swiping babies away from my arms, and doesn't seem to stress out when dinner gets a little cold. I'm absolutely not complaining and totally grateful that my parents are down here to watch the kids. All I ask for now at the end of the day is a little time alone with the kids, my booze, and my crack pipe. And all is well with the world. Aahhhh.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Day 199 - Simple Accomplishments

When you're used to your little babies basically being a blob doing nothing at all, every little step towards unblobness is something that makes you go, "Wow...they might not be as stupid as I thought." Sometimes you don't even see the warning signs that they're maturing until you see it happen. It could be the fact that you're still sleep deprived and slightly buzzed, but these things are often a surprise to us.

Today, Andrew was playing with his teething ring (still no teeth by the way). Playing is probably too light a word...strangling is more accurate. When he takes hold of something, he has a vice-like grip on it like Grandma Ichikawa's hands taking a vice-like grip around my neck after an unflattering blog entry. Andrew shook the ring so fast that it dropped down near his feet. He tried to grab the ring with his hands, but he couldn't reach it with his stubby fingers. But what he did was he used his leg to kick the ring higher up to his hands. Ingenious! We either have a future soccer player or a future understudy for the National Tour of A Chorus Line. God...I hope he gets it. I hope he gets it. How many people does he need?

And Emma has suddenly been able to sit up by herself. Not to the point where we can walk away from her, go see a movie, return, and she would still be sitting up. It's more of a she-can-sit-up-for-almost-a-minute kind of thing. It's funny to see her sit up because we're so used to Emma falling on her face that every little move she makes we put our hands out fearing she's going to fall. But she doesn't topple! She still uses her arms and hands for support, but I have a feeling within a month she'll be sitting up on her own eating a theme park sized turkey leg.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Day 198 - Poll Results and New Poll


It was a menage-a-trois with last week's poll: 3 way tie! $86, $145, and $190 all got 27% of the vote. So who correctly guessed how much money Lisa made at the baby consignment sale? The answer is $190! Ka-ching! But after paying a 30% commission fee and the cost of buying tagging supplies and other various equipment, Lisa made $7.58. Good going, Lisa. Go treat yourself to a pack of cigarettes!

Last week, my producer came into my office to tell me this neat device he saw at Williams-Sonoma. It is called the Beaba Babycook. What this device does is blend, steam, warm, and defrost baby food; it's an all-in-one device. The description says it has been selling in Europe for years and is French made ("Sacre bleu! This food mill is too much work! I surrender!"). From what we've read online, people seem to like it and the cost is $140.

For this week's poll, do you think it's worth it to pay $140 for an all-in-one baby food maker? Or should we look at other options?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Day 197 - Pretzel Maven Visit

First of all, it is obvious my internet connection is working now. I'm not too sure what was wrong with it, but the green lights kept on blinking and the modem/router kept on resetting itself. I spoke to someone on the technical hotline who tested the dsl line, and concluded the modem must be faulty. So he sent me to another department who was suppose to send me another modem. But it wasn't that easy. When I got to the Faulty Modem department, the person asked me the same questions and asked me if my modem was plugged into a surge protector. I said yes. He said you need to plug it into the wall. And I said you've got to be kidding me! He did not laugh and instead I was met with 10 seconds of uncomfortable silence. So I had to get behind my desk, crawl on the floor, unplug the modem, get an extension cord, and then replug it into another wall. The reasoning behind this is that if your surge protector is old, the fuse inside the strip that protectsFirst of all, it is obvious that my internet all of your electrical devices could go bad therefore not work properly. So as of now, everything is working okay and if my modem goes haywire on me I need to call again and THEN they'll send a new modem.

Okay. Now that that story is over with, Auntie Anne (pretzel maven) visited this weekend because she was out here on business. She's currently working in the tech department for AT&T and was attending a Faulty Modem seminar. Damn her. Auntie Anne is actually working for this new Yahoo site called Shine (shine.yahoo.com). They had their premiere party this past week so she made it a long weekend and stayed with us for a few nights. I've actually written a couple of pieces for her under my pseudonym "Anne Ichikawa" -- take a look!

Anne finds herself very busy with this new job, so we didn't have too much free time to go around and do our usual fun weekend activities with the kids like Costco, Target, and Ralphs. You may mock our outings, but when you have twins the following formula applies: movies+concerts+nightclubs+exotic vacations=Target. You take what you can get.

Part of the weekend, Anne and I helped my parents move some stuff into their new apartment. They still haven't moved in because the former tenant moved out later than expected so the apartment was still being cleaned last week. The entire family went to lunch at Porto's before heading over to the deep abyss of Swedish design, Ikea. Have you ever brought a double stroller into Ikea? DON'T! As the Swedes would say: Tvillingen i Ikea är lik varelse i helvete.*

For the rest of weekend, we watched a few movies at home and went out to eat. And before you can say "Wetzel's Pretzels sucks", Auntie Anne was off on a plane this afternoon to Atlanta for another business trip. And as for the rest of the Ichikawa clan, we celebrated Anne's departure with a trip to Target.



*Twins in Ikea is like being in hell.

***************

I must add this little story to end the day.

Right now, my parents finished watching "No Country For Old Men." Without giving away any spoilers, the movie ends on an abrupt note. When the screen went to black, my mom started to complain about the conclusion of the film.

"What kindah moo-vie is dat? You know what kindah moo-vie dat is? Itz a bee-aye movie! HAHAHA"

All of us were confused with what my mom just said.

Lisa asked, "What's a B.A. movie?"

"Oooh? Did I say wrong?" my mom answered.

But my dad knew what my mom was trying to say. "Do you mean B.S.?"

"Yahyahyah. Bee-ess! Dat what I meant. HAHAHA!"

Then after all we all laughed about my mom's misunderstanding, my mom says a few moments later, "What does bee-ess mean?"

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Day 196 - Technical Difficulties

Despite a full house of Japanese geeks, I can't quite figure out what's wrong with my modem/router. It has been going on and off for the past hour and resetting itself. Gonna have to call the AT&T technical hotline. I hope to get two things out of the phone call: 1) Get the modem/router working; 2) Get a tasty curry recipe.

More later!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Day 195 - Picture Friday

"Great...Grandma's asleep and I have no way out."


Sadly, Andrew has lost control of his neck and arms so he now props his head up with his feet.


"mmm...sweet...spreadable...I shall call these tasty morsels...toe jams."


Baby #1, Baby #2, Ass #3.


Andrew laughs at Emma eating his sock because he just stepped in his own poop.


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Day 194 - Poop War


Earlier this week, according to Lisa, Emma had an amazing poop.  It was one of those poops that just did not stop.  Lisa thought Emma was done, she changed her diaper, and then Emma began making her serious poop face.  It's quite interesting to see how the kids are making distinct faces when they're about to take a poop.  Andrew looks a bit perplexed questioning the matter coming out of his butt.  Emma's face tends to become this ball of concentration, making sure her bowels are completely emptied of feces.  I suppose we all have a certain face we make when we poop, but as adults we don't really know what we look like.  I know what Lisa looks like, but that's another blog entry.

Anyway, Lisa said Emma was doing this amazing poop that just would not stop.  She yelled from the bedroom, "Look at this!  She's pooping again!  It's not stopping!  Thar she poops!"  So I grabbed my trusty camera, ran into the bedroom, and took a picture of Emma's poop.  I won't post the picture on the blog, but it's a rather well composed shot symmetrically framing Emma's arms, thighs, and poop pile.

Grandma Ichikawa got mad at me for taking the picture.  She told me I should delete it because it's embarrassing.  After all, what would I do with the photo?  Frame it?

Good idea, Mom!  I printed the picture and put it in a nice frame.  I walked into my mom's bedroom and handed her the frame.

"Here, Mom," I said.  "I framed this nice picture of the kids for you."

"Ooooh.  Dat nice of you.  Let's see...AAAAAHHHH AAAAAHHH NOOOO NOOO!  AAAHH AAAHHH  SCOTTY!!!!  What you doing???  (looks at picture again)  AAAAHHH AAHH!  Dat disgusting.  Emma pooping!   AAAAHHH!  Now I lose appetite for dessert!"

And all this time my dad was just laughing away going "heh heh heh."

Little did I know this would start the Poop War.  You see the next day after I came home from work, I had a surprise waiting for me.  The first thing I do when I come home after I say hi to everyone and play 2 hours of Super Mario Galaxy is I change my clothes.  When I grabbed my after work t-shirt, lo and behold my mom taped the poop picture to it.

"HAAAA HAAA!  I got YOU!  See I can play dis game toooo!"  My mom was so proud of herself.

So I took the picture off my shirt, and taped it to the front of her vanity mirror.  It actually took awhile for her to realize that there was a picture of poop on the mirror since the pile of feces oddly resembled my mom's face.  But after she found the picture, my mom cleverly taped the picture to my after work...pants!  Where does she come up with these brilliant places!

Last night I decided to retaliate after my mom went to sleep.  I printed up 9 wallet-sized photos of Emma pooping and taped it to the following places:  1.  the toilet seat  2.  my mom's make-up bag  3.  the soap dispenser  4.  the half and half in the fridge  5.  the Similac baby formula can  6.  in a photo frame above the television  7.  on the patio door  8.  Emma's high chair  9.  my mom's cooking apron.

When I came home from work, my mom told me to stop taping pictures of Emma crapping all over the house.  She said enough is enough (she actually said "eenuff iz eenuff").  The Poop War was over.  I was victorious!  Whoohoo!  I strutted into my bedroom to change into my after work clothes...and what did I find in my pants?  TWO picture of Emma pooping.

"HAAAA HAAAA  I GOT YOU!   HAAA HAAA!  EDDIE!  SCOTTY FIND POOPY IN HIS PANTS!  HAAAA!"

Once again...so clever.