Friday, February 29, 2008

Day 160 - Picture Friday

The most amazing thing about this picture is that Andrew actually squeezed Lisa's boob to fill up the bottle.


"Dude...I'm sitting on a pacifier."


Andrew demonstrates to Grandma how to stop nagging.


Grandpa looks at Emma thinking, "She is such a girly-girl...just like Scott growing up."


Crouching Monkey, Leaping Elephant


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Day 159 - Apartment Hunting

When I return to work in three weeks, Lisa and I found out that there are actual laws that prohibit you from leaving your babies at home. That posed a problem for us. Not only would we have to figure out who will watch the kids, but we would now have to return all of the large baby cages and feeding bottles back to PetSmart.

Thankfully, my parents have volunteered to temporarily move down here to sunny Los Angeles until Lisa is out for summer vacation in June. Since my mom and dad are currently down here helping me transition to Mr. Mom mode, we decided to look around the Sherman Oaks area for a short term apartment lease.

The requirements we had for the apartment were the following: 1) Close to our place. 2) Short term rental of three months. 3) Must be clean for my mom. 4) Must be clean. 5) Must be clean. Did I mention it had to be clean?

I did a bunch of searches on craigslist.com, realtor.com, and porntube.com (I was just bored). After jotting down a bunch of phone numbers, I started to make phone calls. But it was one dead end after another because almost every complex I called required a six month lease. And not only that but I now have an eternal repulsion towards ping pong balls. Oh wait...that was the porntube.com video. Sorry, I went off on a tangent.

Finally I found a listing on craigslist from a guy who needed someone to take over his lease until the end of June. Perfect! I called him up, and I set a date for my parents to look at his apartment.

We drove up to the Sherman Oaks Plaza apartment complex which is just under a mile and half away from our place; a quick 3-5 minute drive. The complex is fairly large with a lot of amenities: pool, jacuzzi, dry cleaning, theater room, gym, petting zoo, and an Arby's. After getting slightly lost trying to find the apartment, we found the front door and knocked.

I said hello and introduced my parents to the tenant, and he welcomed us in. So far so good. The apartment was a fairly generic-looking one bedroom apartment. You have the kitchen, dining area, living area, and the bedroom with attached bathroom. Size-wise it's probably around 700-750 square feet. My parents liked the place enough for three months, and we decided we would meet later on in the week to do the paperwork. But before we left, it got kinda awkward.

First of all, my dad started to have circular conversations with the tenant about cable, parking, utilities. It went a little something like this:

DAD
So what do you do about television here?

TENANT
Every apartment is hooked up for DirecTV.

DAD
So you don't get cable here?

TENANT
No.

DAD
What do you get then?

TENANT
DirecTV.

DAD
So you're saying I would hook up my tv to DirecTV?

TENANT
Yes.

DAD
And that's what you get for television here?

TENANT
Yes.

DAD
So what do you do about cable?

And it went on and on like that for several minutes with other topics. As for my mom, she actually didn't say too much. Until the end...

As we were walking out, the tenant had a replica of a samurai sword on his kitchen counter. My mom went up to it and said, "Ooooh. Samurai sword. You know...I'm Japanese." My dad added, "Yah. My wife comes from a samurai family." The tenant went, "...oh..."

Suddenly, my mom picked up the samurai sword with both hands. I thought she was about to slash the guy in half, and if she did I'd have to take the sword from her and commit sepaku. I whined to my mom, "Moooommmmm!" But the tenant told me it's fine, and the sword was just a replica of the samurai sword from "Kill Bill." My mom put down the sword and mumbled, "hmm...too light. Not real."

I then tried to rush us out of there before my mom saw anything else interesting, but this time my dad caught something on the counter that drew his attention: a 50 caliber bullet. "Wow," said my dad. "Now that's a big bullet!" The tenant said that his friend goes shooting and gave him the bullet as a conversation piece. My mom went up to it, picked it up, and then slammed it down on top of his Netflix movie shouting, "GOOD PAPERWEIGHT! HAHAHAH!"

Oh dear lord...help me.

Long story, a little shorter...there was much confusion over whether or not my parents could finish the lease or would have to sign a new lease which entails not only paying the current rate but $200 extra per month for a three month contract. It went back and forth until the supervisor told us my parents would have to sign a new lease with the higher rate. I then contacted the tenant and asked if he would meet my parents halfway with his rent and the new rent, and guess what? He agreed!

So tomorrow, we will make our way back to the apartment complex to sign the paperwork and start to sort the details of having my parents come down here for a few months. The best thing about that besides having Grandma and Grandpa babysitting is having more great stories for the blog. Suit up!!!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Day 157 - Grandma Knows Best

My parents have been here for the past week babysitting the kids while Lisa and I were working. As many of you who have been reading the blog, my mom is an...err...interesting person. So I share with you today some little anecdotes from the past week:

STORY ONE
One day, I decided to have some leftover pizza for lunch. I often enjoy eating it cold because reheated pizza just doesn't taste as good to me. I took the pizza box out and placed the slices on a plate. My mom looked at me and said "You want me to warm pizza up for you?" I told her I'm going to eat it cold. "You going to eat cold? Dat weird." And I explained to her I enjoy eating my leftover pizza cold. I grabbed a glass of water, checked my computer because someone IM'd me, and walked back to the kitchen. But my plate was gone! Where was it? It was in the microwave. My mom was warming up my pizza!

"What are you doing?!?"

"I'm warming up pizza for you."

"I told you I want to eat it cold!!!"

"okay...okay...okay...hmm...how do you turn microwave off? hmm...what button? I don't know...hmm...Eddie! How you turn off microwave?"

My mom finally got the pizza out and it was over-cooked and bubbling and soggy. And as she handed it to me with an oven mitt, she tells me "You know. In Japanese 'no' means 'yes.' Dat why you get warm pizza! Hahaha!"

With that logic, I love you...

STORY TWO
My mother finished bottle feeding Emma and was rocking her. I walked up to Emma and patted her head. Dramatically, my mom slapped my hand and pushed me away shouting in a whisper, "Go away! She fall asleep!!!"

STORY THREE
I just came home from work. After I changed, I was checking my e-mail with Andrew on my lap. I was bouncing him up and down on my knee and talking him through what I was doing. And as I was typing on the keyboard, he placed his hand on top of my hand. All quite cute right? We were both having a nice time.

Then my mom comes to me and asks, "Do you want me to carry?" Mind you, I haven't seen Andrew all day so I tell her nicely, "No. That's okay. I can hold him."

THEN my mom pulls Andrew away from me and says, "You want to be with Grandma instead right? You can see Daddy later. Grandma loves you!!!"

STORY FOUR
Typical conversation with my mom:

MOM
Baby crying. Should I check?

ME
Nah. We can let them cry for a little bit.

MOM
Oh...okay. So sad. Baby crying.

ME
It's okay.

MOM
Magazine say you need to estabrish trust with baby. Very important. Poor crying baby.

ME
Don't worry. We can check on them in a little bit.

MOM (to crying baby in the bedroom)
So sad. Daddy say Grandma can't check on you. Grandma nevah did dat with her babies.
So sad.

ME
Mom...we can check on them in...hey, where'd you go?

Mom comes into the living room carrying Emma.

ME
What are you doing?!?

MOM
Rook! She stopped crying!

I could go on and on with more stories, but I think you get the basic idea: She loves the babies to death not realizing she's slowly killing her dear son's sanity.

Tomorrow I'll tell you how about our adventures trying to find a short-term apartment for my parents in Los Angeles.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Day 156 - Poll Results & New Poll

Looks like last week's poll agreed unanimously with my frugal fashion sense. Sixty-two percent of you thought the shirt was perfectly fine, and the rest of you thought it was a little old fashioned but okay. To celebrate, I'm going to scrounge for loose change in my sofa so I can buy some $3.50 green corduroy pants to go with the shirt.

For this week's poll, we're going to ask you a medical-type of question. A few months ago, Andrew had this rash on his forehead that eventually went away. Well guess what? It's back! And it's in the exact same place. It doesn't seem to bother him except when it bleeds and pus pours out of it (just kidding to any potentially over-reactive friend and family members).

This Wednesday, we're going to take Andrew to the doctor to make sure he's okay and doesn't need any topical ointments like Bengay or Preparation-H. But in the mean time, what do you think this rash is?

This isn't a very good picture of the rash, but you can see the slight discoloration that resembles the continent of Australia. Andrew is basically a Japanese Gorbachev.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Day 155 - Oscar Night


I haven't finished my Saturday blog about Lisa returning to work, but stay tuned all night for our live Oscar blog with the kids! Since I'm awful at sports, this is my Super Bowl. Stay tuned for more!!!

5:10pm -- The kids went down for a nap right now. Since it's just the red carpet fashion show, I should take a nap too. Every year we do an Oscar menu based on the Best Picture nominees. This year is a Chinese take-out theme:

Appetizer: Michael Clay-Won-Ton

Main Course: There Will Be Blood Orange Chicken, No Country For Old Chow Mein, Ju-No Want Fried Rice?

Dessert: Atone-Mint Chip Ice Cream Sundaes

Also, every year we do an Oscar pool with Lisa's co-workers. Sadly because between Lisa and I we have won the majority of the years, each year we get less and less ballots back. The largest pool was probably close to $150. This year it's $15. I told Lisa if I win this year I can buy four more polo shirts.

5:45pm - Jon Stewart's monologue was okay. Nothing memorable, but amusing enough. But let's talk about the Costume Design upset! Can you believe Elizabeth: The Golden Age won? This is going to hit the headlines of every newspaper around the world. Holy cow. If this is the way this year's Oscars is going to start out, I'm sure we are in for quite a ride. I'm still out of breath.

Lisa: 0/24 Scott: 0/24


6:22pm - Oh boy! A montage with Celine Dion singing in the background. Where did I put that screwdriver so I can stab my ears?

Oh great! Ratatouille won for best animated film! My friend Maureen worked on that! Yippee!

Best make-up. Norbit...Norbit...Norbit...Norbit. AAAHH CRAP. La Vie En Rose. La Vie En Merde.

Best art direction...Sweeney Todd. We actually saw that movie in the theaters. It was actually kinda gross and saw an old guy walk out. Until I turned next to me and realized it was Lisa who walked out.

Best supporting actor...Javier Bardem. Hmm...that would be a great Halloween costume for Emma this year.

Lisa 4/24 Scott 3/24

7:27pm - You know the most exciting thing that has happened in the last hour of the telecast? Andrew finally pooped after 2 days of not pooping. Give that boy an Oscar!

Is it just me or are there way too many montages?

The sound editing and sound mixing awards went to The Bourne Ultimatum. Great movie. But there was this guy who was nominated for "Transformers." He has been nominated 20 times and never won! I think we can be best friends cause I've been on just as many cancelled tv shows.

Visual Effects went to The Golden Compass for a cgi polar bear.

There was the short film animated and live action winners but I was eating some Michael Clay-Won-Ton and didn't pay attention.

Some other people won stuff, like that French girl who I think won for Best Forest Whitaker impersonation, and that ancient guy who received an honorary Oscar just received his trophy. If there ever was a moment when the Oscars needed a montage, it would've been when that old guy gave his speech.

Lisa - 8/24 Scott - 6/24

8:20pm - I was pretty upset that the girl from "Once" wasn't able to say anything when they won for Best Original Song. I was SO upset that I called Jon Stewart on his cell phone and told him to get that girl out there or else I'd put some of my cancellation mojo on The Daily Show.

I just want to eat Amy Adams up.

Emma just ate Amy Adams up.

Don't you feel sad when you don't hear anyone clapping for the dead people in the dead people montage? Suggestion: What if you showed in the montage how the person died? Think about it.

In the latest tally, I have caught up with Lisa. Lisa is not boasting so much anymore. I'm taking her down, boooooooy!

Lisa: 11/24 Scott: 11/24

8:28pm - Well how about that! Exotic dancer turned screenwriter Diablo Cody won an Oscar. That's what I tell all of my hooker friends: Stick to your dreams!

Lisa: 12/24 Scott: 12/24

8:36 pm - It has been 3 hours already and three categories left. I wonder whether or not Lisa and I are going to be tied. If it is, we'll have to wrestle for the $15 pot.

Best Actor. We just saw Michael Clayton this weekend -- great ending. Clooney was pretty good. Daniel Day-Lewis scares me. Johnny Depp looks like Della Reese after liposuction. Tommy Lee Jones -- HDTV doesn't help his complexion. Viggo -- Didn't see this movie, but all I think about is Lord of the Rings. Whoa...is that little girl his date? Perv. Welp Daniel won. Still have to see that movie. Guess we'll see it when the kids are in middle school.

Lisa: 13/24 Scott: 13/24

8:42pm - Best Director. We saw all of the movies except that Diving Bell & Blood movie. Glad the Coen brothers won. Their best movie since Fargo.

Lisa and I are still at a tie! It's going to come down to the tiebreaker question!

Best Picture. Ooo. Denzel. Who's gonna win? Atonement? Looks like this year's English Patient. Zzzz. Juno. Love comedies about teen pregnancies. Michael Clayton. Like I said great ending. No Country For Old Men. Great movie. There Will Be Blood. Didn't see it.
No Country wins. Glad it won. Still feel sad that Norbit didn't win best make-up. Sigh.

Okay...the tie-breaking question is how long is the telecast. Let's see when this show is going to end. Oh no. Lisa says 3 hours 17 minutes. I said 3 hours 21 minutes. We're arguing when the show officially ends. Is it when Jon Stewart says good night? Or is it when the credits end? Oh crap! Okay...both Lisa and I agree that the show ends when the credits end.

According to my computer clock it is 8:51pm. Which means I WON!!!! The kids are hugging me now and saying "We knew you could do it Daddy! We love you so much more!"

Lisa: 15/24 Scott: 15/24

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Day 154 - Back to School

This week Lisa returned back to school. She has not been back to work since June 07 when summer vacation started.

I heard stories of mothers who return to work in tears missing their baby. So I told Lisa that it's fine to be sad and miss the kids, but she must not cry. "No tears," I told her. It could be a disaster if Lisa's driving and crying at the same time driving down curvy Beverly Glen Blvd. I mean she can't even parallel park, much less jog down a street without tripping. And I'm glad to report there were no tears and no car accident.

What did it feel like for Lisa on her first day back? Obviously, she would rather stay home until the new school year starts in September, but she was told by her principal that if she didn't return this week she would lose her seniority at the school. That means if there is not a high enough enrollment for the next school year, she could be transferred to another school. So Lisa returned to work neither excited nor depressed.

The substitute teacher that filled in for her was this other Asian girl. Which was terrific since I'm sure at least half the class didn't even know their old teacher disappeared. Lisa told me her classroom seems pretty good, and thinks she shouldn't have to smack any of them.

Thankfully the commute for Lisa isn't too bad. It takes her about 15-20 minutes to get there in the morning, and her commute back is about 20-30 minutes. She gets home between 3:30-4pm which is perfect timing for her to empty out her breasts...which is a weird thing to say because the only things I empty out when I get home are my pockets and bowels.

Since Lisa and I were both working last week, my parents came down to babysit for us all last week and this week. I will finish my current job tomorrow and then will have 3-4 weeks off before I start my next show. At that time my parents will come back down and live in an apartment complex down the street for three months until Lisa gets off for summer vacation.

I'll fill you in more on my parents being down here and our apartment hunting travels on Tuesday.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Day 153 - Picture Friday

"Dancing With the Stars...March 17th (cha-cha-cha)...Dancing With the Stars...March 17th (cha-cha-cha)..."


Andrew continues to read Mr. Happy while Emma relaxes after eating Mrs. Hungry.


Capuchin plate.


Auntie Anne (pretzel maven) visits one of her franchises.


"Holy s&%^! There's a motherf*^&ing Hello Kitty holding us!"


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Day 152 - Five Months Old

Today the kids turned five months old! Here are some pictures:

Emma says, "Not these stupid month old pictures again! You're pissing me off, Daddy..."


"Okay...I'm not mad anymore. Thank you for feeding me ham."


"What do you think of this pose? Does this scream sexy?"


So what have Lisa and I learned over the past five months? This is what we have learned:

1) Babies do not like horseradish.
2) It is easier to change diapers once a week.
3) Television does not make a good babysitter because it cannot put out fires.
4) You put the entire diaper inside a Diaper Genie, not just the contents.
5) It's okay to have babies play with items they don't know how to use like scissors, matches, and chain saws.
6) Babies nap because they need to sleep, not because they are lazy.
7) Sleep is overrated. You can still complete your thoughts with

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Day 150 - Spit Takes

This past weekend we had a lot of visitors. On Saturday afternoon, Kevin, Lisa's nephew, and his fiancee, Shelvey, visited us to spend a night. On Saturday evening, I picked up my sister, Anne (pretzel maven), at the Burbank Airport because she was going to spend Saturday and Sunday night with us. Then on Sunday afternoon, I returned to the Burbank Airport to pick up my mom and dad because they are staying with us for the next two weeks. Finally on Monday, social services visited us to clarify this confusion over a vial of opium, a dead vagrant, and a goat.

One of the funniest things that happened with our guests is that Emma managed to throw up on everyone. Emma hasn't been spitting up too often, but for some reason her upchuck reflex was working on overdrive. Here's a picture of Shelvey holding Emma post spit-up.

As you can see, Emma looks quite relieved to have expelled Lisa's boob juice out of her system. On the other hand, Shelvey is forcing a polite smile expressing her hidden disgust at having what is basically Lisa's leaky breasts rubbing up against her sweater.

Hey wait a second...what is my mom doing in this picture?


Hmm. So peculiar. What is my mom looking at?



Oh that's right. The spit up on my sister's head.



That's right. Our little angel, Emma, spit up all over Anne's (pretzel maven) head. Anne was tossing Emma up and down like a little 747 airplane hitting turbulence. I guess they hit a pretty big air pocket because it forced more of Lisa's nipple nectar all over Anne's head. Thankfully my super clean mom was on hand to clean up the mess. She grabbed the largest straw she could find and sipped up every last bit of milk off of Anne's head.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Day 149 - Poll Results & New Poll


It was another close poll, but forty-five percent of you said that you would buy your newborn child a small, inexpensive item as a gift rather than nothing or something really expensive. Lisa and I agree with that notion too. Or as Lisa's manicurist told her this weekend in a thick Vietnamese accent, "They no need anysing now! You buy enuf crap for dem latah on!"

For this week's poll, if you haven't read my sister's surprise blog entry please do so now.

La la la.

Waiting.

Doo-bee-doo.

Okay, finished? I'm not too sure what's so wrong with being excited over getting a Banana Republic polo shirt for $3.50. I did comment to the cashier that it was probably from the 80s and it would compliment my Atari t-shirt (not my Pac-Man t-shirt, Anne! Geez...) Sure it was dusty, and I found it underneath a Rubik's cube, a Heather Locklear poster, and a Donkey Kong strategy book, but it was $3.50!!! So now that you have seen Andrew wearing my $3.50 shirt, what do you think of it?

Scott's new "retro" shirt



Hello everyone! This is not Scott, but his sister (and superior sibling), Anne. Right now he and my parents are running a few errands, which has provided me the opportunity to hijack his blog to tell a little story. What a special occasion!

Earlier in the day, the entire family took a trip to the Camarillo Outlet mall. For those of you unfamiliar with Scott's so-called fashion "sense," he does not have one. His wardrobe consists of clothes our mother forces upon him on Christmas and his birthday so he's not walking around in acid washed jeans and holes in his underwear (tighty whities, for those who were wondering). Basically, if it's not in a Best Buy ad, Scott doesn't see the point in forking over his cash.

After browsing through the Sony and Bose stores, we made our way over to the Banana Republic store, where he bought three shirts -- all of the polo variety. The only kind of shirt he wears ( (Scott sort of dresses like Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbes"). When he got to the cashier, one of the items rang up for an astonishing $3.50! Man, my brother was soooo excited! Then the girl helping him said: "Good find! I think this is a really old shirt... they're probably just trying to get rid of it, because no one wants it -- that's why it's so discounted!" This backhanded compliment may have rubbed some people the wrong way, but not my brother! Then he made some dorky comment about how "retro is in," and how he would play Pacman wearing the shirt. The cashier who was probably 21 looked at him blankly, then asked him to sign the credit card receipt.

My brother could not stop raving about his fabulous bargain! He said these purchases would last him "at least another three years!" I would elaborate more on this story, but Scott's coming home any second, so I have to wrap this up.

So, what do you guys think? Do you like this shirt? Note: right after this photo was taken, Andrew spit up all over the shirt.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Day 147 - Drooooool


Recently, our kids have become a gigantic slobber machine. From the moment they wake up to the time they go to bed their oral orifice is slathered with spit. Lisa and I tried to make sure the kids and our furniture were wiped clean from this mess, but it has become a futile battle against infant saliva. It was a very good idea that we decided against buying a new sofa when the kids were born. It was an even better idea that we decided against painting all of our furniture and walls with watercolors.

Between 4 and 7 months, babies begin teething. We haven't seen any signs of teeth inside their mouths yet, but all signs point towards future bloody nursing nipples. Let's go through the check list of teething signs:

1) Runny nose? Nope. Not even dried boogies.
2) Poor mood? Occasionally, but Lisa is back to her cheery self after half a pint of vodka.
3) Loss of appetite? You kidding? Have you seen Picture Friday?
4) Chewing of objects? You bet. Mostly fingers, fists, and buffalo chips.
5) Swelling in gums? The only swelling we notice are in the diapers after feedings.
6) Excessive salivation? Yes, yes, and YES.

Not an overwhelming majority of checks, but enough to make us suspect that teeth are on the horizon.

With this constant stream of drool, there was an embarrassing incident that took place a few days ago. Both Emma and Andrew were on the floor doing tummy time, and Emma started to get fussy. The way we know Emma is done with tummy time is when she starts to cry and her face is flat on the floor because her neck muscles can't muster any more strength to keep her noggin up. When I swooped her off the floor, a gigantic web of drool got all over her face.

"Oh no! Sorry Emma. I got drool all over you," I apologized to Emma.

Then Lisa chimed in from the kitchen, "What happened? Did Emma drool all over herself?"

And I answered after a brief pause, "No...I drooled all over Emma."

Yup that's right. It was my drool all over Emma. I don't know what happened. I bent over to pick her up, and when I opened my mouth to say "Emma" a big blob of spit came out. Perhaps with drool on my mind (and Emma's head), I subconsciously did it to her. Let's just hope my subconscious doesn't kick into gear when we start potty training.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Day 146 - Picture Friday

Andrew is just like Daddy and loves music.


Emma & Andrew demonstrate how the Sunnis and the Shiites should come to peace.


Andrew is REALLY like Daddy and loves musicals. HAAAA-LOW-SIES!!!! Jazz hands!


No trick photography! Emma is really standing on her own. Then again she fell on her face two seconds after this picture was taken, but she was standing!


Grandma Ichinaga thinks wedgies are hilarious.


Have a great Presidential weekend!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Day 145 - Valentine's Day


As we are experiencing our first year with the kids, every time we hit a holiday or a celebration we deal with slight adjustments. For Thanksgiving, we had family come to us and we just ordered a turkey dinner. For Christmas, we had to figure out how to travel to Northern California with the kids. For New Years, we cancelled our annual Happy Nude Beer party. But for Valentine's Day, not too much changed.

You see, I'm not a very romantic person. For our very first Valentine's together I took Lisa out to dinner at Burger King and followed up with a screening of "Wayne's World." When we got back to my apartment, Lisa told me, "You're not worthy." No shhhhwing for me that night. Wow...did I just give away my age? Sigh...

Every Valentine's Day is pretty much the same for us: have a nice dinner at home, exchange presents, eat dessert, drop a roofie in Lisa's coffee, and get into bed. This year was pretty similar except for the last part. I believe there are two things in the world that will get you out of the mood: 1. Twin babies crying in bed. 2. The Screech sex tape. Sadly, we had both last night.

After our delicious dinner of take-out sushi, we exchanged our presents. This year I got Lisa candy, a CD, a DVD, and a manicure/pedicure for this Saturday. Not too bad, right? Lisa got me a bag of coffee, some trail mix, a piano book, some homemade coasters with pictures of the kids on it, and a book called "101 Foods That Could Save Your Life." Remember how I said there are two things that will get you out of the mood? I'd like to add this book as number three.

Is this an appropriate Valentine's Day present? Might as well buy me a casket with some chocolates in it. And what's with the title? The words "save your life" tells the buyer that this author is going to rescue you from the clutches of death. But then you toss in the word "could" and that means you're on your own. You can eat 1001 foods and you'd still be dead meat. Thanks Lisa for sending me the romantic message that I'm dying.

Despite the cloud of death hanging over my head, the day was quite nice because of the kids. Lisa dressed them up in their little Valentine's Day outfits that Grandma Ichikawa gave them. When I came home from work, Lisa and I played with Emma and Andrew. They smile and laugh quite a bit now so it becomes infectious. So all in all it was a very nice Valentine's Day. Maybe the best ever...

...except for that damn book.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Day 144 - Cartoon Wednesday

A new feature! Every Wednesday I'll feature a little cartoon about our lives with the twins. It might be a sketch, a doodle, or even a colored drawing (but don't hold your breath for that one). Today is a little pen and ink drawing about our little girl, Emma, having a crying fit.


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Day 143 - Grande Disaster


Just like every other human on this planet, we live a few blocks away from a Starbucks. One weekend morning, I decided to grab some coffee for myself and Lisa. The weather was terrific so I strapped the kids in the stroller and off we went for a jolly sunrise stroll.

The one thing I haven't quite figured out yet is the best way to open a glass door with our double stroller. You'd think when you see a person struggling to enter a door with twins, someone would give you a hand. But I suppose when you look as toned and muscular as me, people must figure I can deal with the awkwardness by myself.

After a bit of struggling with the door, I ordered myself an americano and Lisa a non-fat vanilla latte. While waiting for my order, I ended up having one of those generic question and answer sessions with a stranger. Now that we're almost five months into having the kids, it occasionally becomes a little annoying having to answer the same questions over and over again. We've actually found out the best way to avoid these encounters is by employing what we now call the Jogging Helen Keller: don't talk, don't listen, and keep on moving.

When I finally received my order, I asked the barrista if he could put some tape over the holes of the sippy lid. I was quite proud of myself that I thought about this to avert any disastrous spills. If there are two things I've learned about working in television production it's always think ahead and the phone number for unemployment benefits is 1-800-300-5616.

I left Starbucks a bit more awkwardly than I entered because there was one coffee in the stroller's cup tray and the other coffee in my left hand. And just forget trying to maneuver around the patio area. I think I hit a few feet and I know I swiped a cane out from an elderly woman (don't worry, the cane was fine).

Steering with one hand down the street was quite a chore. I was switching pressure from one side of the stroller's handle to the other to avert sidewalk traffic. Then when I was crossing the street over the cobbled pedestrian walk, lots of latte started to pour out of the cup. I stopped to fix it until I realized I was in the middle of the street. I quickly tried to reach the curb dividing my attention between the hot bubbling coffee and the cursed blinking red hand.

When I made it to the other side of the street, I cleaned up the mess with Andrew's burp cloth and continued my one block trip home. Never before did I realize how many potholes and raised cement ridges were on the street. Pretty soon the entire cup holder tray was full of lukewarm, chalky coffee that was dripping onto Andrew's blanket. I gave up. I sped home giving no more care to saving whatever was left of Lisa's non-fat vanilla latte. When I finally made it back, Lisa took the kids out of the stroller while I took off the lid of Lisa's coffee. Let's just say there was little latte left.

So what is the lesson learned from this experience? Not to put coffee in a stroller tray? Not to bring your twins to get morning coffee? Nope. It's simply that there are still not enough Starbucks to make the simple task of getting coffee convenient. Start a writing campaign people!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Day 142 - Poll Results & New Poll


It was a little too close for comfort with last week's poll. The majority of you (35%) think we should call our son just plain Andrew. But twenty-eight percent of you think we should call him Ann. I know my sister, Anne (pretzel maven), voted for that one, but I don't know who the hell else would vote for that name. You bunch of weirdos!

With Valentine's Day coming up, Lisa and I were having a conversation about whether or not we should get the kids a little something. Or rather give Andrew a little something and Emma a big ass something. There isn't any harm in giving your infant child a little gift despite the fact that they're too dumb to realize it's a gift. But if that's the case, why buy them anything at all? Might as well save up for that 50" LCD television set that they're going to want next year (hear that Lisa?).

For this week's poll, what do you think about giving a holiday gift to your newborn baby?

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Day 141 - Locket Project

For Christmas, I bought Lisa a locket and told her I would put pictures of the kids inside it. Forty-seven days later, Lisa gave me the locket tonight and said, "Where are my pictures?" Pushy, pushy! Geesh. It's not like I wasn't working.*

So I went through all of the recent pictures of the kids and selected these two photos:


I must say it's great to live in the age of digital pictures, but you sure do end up with a lot more pictures than you need. I remember having my old 35mm point and shoot, and I would make sure I wouldn't waste my 24 or 36 photos; every shot had to count. Nowadays, you can set your digital camera on the multi-burst mode and take 80 pictures of your kid hoping for that one special shot. But with me, I not only look for the good photo, but I look for the weird and odd ones. Like this picture taken the same time as the one above of Emma smiling:


Emma looks like Lisa after a Frat party during college. Call me odd (which I'm sure many of you have), but I find these pictures just as entertaining and fun as the happy, smiling ones.

But back to this whole locket project. I took the two pictures of the kids and went into Photoshop to crop and shrink it. With a ruler, I measured the size of the locket and resized the pictures accordingly with enough room around the head to fit the shape of a heart. I inserted my glossy photo paper, printed the pictures, and grabbed a nice pair of scissors.

I outlined a large heart around Andrew's head and kept on cutting it down until it fit inside the locket. Perfect fit! I started to do the same with Emma's head. But I ran into a problem. I was running out of room. Emma's head was too big! I swear to you I made sure Andrew's and Emma's head were resized in Photoshop to be the same size, but I didn't think about the simple fact that Emma's head is just bigger than Andrew's. Eventually I was able to fit Emma's head in the locket, although she has a large divot at the top of her head and part of her ear was cut off.

When you look at the pictures in the locket, they're so small you can't tell that Emma is doing a Van Gogh impersonation. The most important part is that Lisa is very happy with the pictures in the locket. Now what to get Lisa for Valentine's? Sigh...

*Actually because of the WGA strike, I was not working. Shhh.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Day 140 - Double Feature


What a delightful day because I have a story about Grandma Ichinaga AND Grandma Ichikawa. I'm so excited!

Today, Grandma Ichinaga returned home to Santa Clara. The kids were asleep when she had to leave, so I took her to the airport while Lisa stayed home. As we were nearing the airport, there was a car sticking out into the middle of the road hoping to make a left turn. I had to stop and wait because the guy didn't back up.

Grandma Ichinaga looked with disgust and said, "Look at him. Whatta jerk!"

I was shocked! Who knew Grandma Ichinaga had such a sailor's potty mouth. I wasn't prepared to use force on Grandma Ichinaga, but if I had to tackle her to bring down a middle finger I was ready.

It took a few seconds more before the lane next to me also yielded to let the guy make his turn. Finally the car pulls forward, makes a turn, and we're able to make our way to the airport. But as we continued driving, all Grandma Ichinaga could do is talk about that guy.

"Boy! When he drove off, did he wave to say thank you?"

"...no..."

"Boy! Whatta jerk! What...ta...jerk..."

And I could swear as she walked into the airport terminal she was still saying "Whatta jerk..."

----------------------

On my drive back home, I decided to call my parents to see what they were doing. Although every time I call they're doing the same thing: my dad is watching television, and my mom is cooking. I don't know how it could possibly take all day to cook for two people, but who knows. Perhaps my mom has difficulty with cutlery and woks. Anyway, I started talking to my mom, and she started yapping off about how she mailed us some sweaters for the kids although I told her it was close to 80 degrees today.

I asked her if she saw the pictures I posted on the blog yesterday, and she said yes. Randomly, she goes into this whole story of how she can't sleep at night so she thinks about things and thought that I should write a book about the kids. My mom continues on saying that it needs to have a catchy title because catchy titles sell. After a lot of sleepless nights, she tells me she thought of the perfect title for the book. My mom pauses. Prepares me for the title. And shouts into the phone...

"IT'S TWINS!"

...

...

...

I suppose you can rationalize that more thought went into it than just plain "Twins!" And then you had to figure out what word to put before "twins". Furthermore, you had to decide between "it's" and "it is". But then again, a chicken can beat a person at tic-tac-toe so whom am I defending?

I spoke to my mom in further detail about the book title and surprisingly she has always had a liking for that sort of simplistic description. So I end today's entry with a little quiz: Which one of my mom's titles corresponds to an actual movie.


1. (G) 2. (F) 3. (E) 4. (B) 5. (A) 6. (C) 7. (D)

Friday, February 8, 2008

Day 139 - Picture Friday!

Andrew lays a fish doll on his tummy as he perfects his impersonation of sushi.


Emma is overjoyed being tossed in the air; Scott is overjoyed being strong enough to toss Emma in the air.


After drinking a keg of beer and getting high, the Ichikawas celebrates Super Bowl Sunday with another bag of chips and popcorn.


Emma submitted this photo to Playboy, but unfortunately the only magazine to publish this was Turkey Legs Monthly.


"Shhhh...I'm going to blame a bird."


zzz...have a great weekend...zzz