Thursday, March 18, 2010

Day 891 - Border-line Offensive

Something we have started to do with the kids is take them to Borders. It's cheap, it encourages their interest in books, and it's cheap. Did I mention it's cheap?

After the kids settle down with a few books, I'll buy a snack at the coffee bar and then grab a few magazines to read. My subject matter has changed over the years from film and video games magazines to magazines that are more pertinent and important to me now like Parenting, Soap Opera Digest, and Juggs.

The last time we visited Borders something embarrassingly funny happened. Emma was a good little girl sitting on a bench breezing through a large pile of books. As for Andrew, he was a constipated little boy gripping a bench trying to push through a large pile of poop.

There are several places you don't want your toddler to poop: the theater, the library/book store, and your coffee mug. Ignoring the coffee mug which is a blog entry in itself, it has been proven to me that the quieter the venue, the louder the poop. Unfortunately for the other people in Borders, this was one loud poop.

When the time was right, Andrew walked away from the bench for a little more privacy. He took shelter next to a large bookshelf that had a bunch of puzzles and games. As his face turned a Clifford the Big Red Dog red, Andrew let out a series of loud grunts.

"Errrrrr! Grrrrrrr! Ahhhhhh!" groaned Andrew.

These sounds became a beckoning call for other young kids. It was as if Andrew's cries of constipation made him the Pied Piper of poop. A few curious toddles stared at Andrew wondering why he looked like he was in so much pain. As soon as the parents arrived, they shooed their kids away from Andrew as if he was a suicide bomber about to explode...which wasn't too far from the truth.

I asked Andrew in a soft whisper, "Are you trying to go poo-poo?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" shouted Andrew in a voice that would've been more appropriate for a UFC championship match.

Andrew's attempt to give birth to a large ball of poop continued for several minutes more. By the end of it all, we had the entire children's book section to ourselves. You'd think that other people would be okay with a little boy trying to poop in the kiddie section of a store, but maybe I'm just being naive. I guess no matter the age, there's something a little uncomfortable and awkward about poop. For something we have to deal with on a daily basis (and on a good day maybe twice), it's rather odd that this is something we all get a little embarrassed about. All I know is that the next time I need a little privacy in a crowded place, I might just have to squeeze out a little friend.

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