Saturday, March 13, 2010

Day 886 - Wee Are Family

Although Lisa and I share all of the parental duties and chores, there are a few things that Lisa does more often me: cutting their nails and giving the kids a bath. Oh wait. She also cooks and cleans more. I also forgot that she does most of the diapers. And while we're on the topic, Lisa is more of a disciplinarian, teacher, and role model. But I definitely sleep more and play more video games than Lisa.

Back to my initial point, I don't give the kids a bath as often as Lisa. But tonight, Lisa went out with a friend to see a panel discussion about the television show, Glee. There was no need for me to go to this event since it was going to be extremely girly and would not interest me at all. So I figured after giving the kids a bath, I would have a nice, quiet night at home buffing my toenails and watching my Bette Midler DVDs. And as you would expect, bathtime turned as tragic as Bette Midler collapsing at the end of The Rose.

The bath started normally enough. The kids had their bath toys and were pouring water on each other with their cups and bowls. After washing them, I decided to let them play a little longer. Emma was sitting down, and Andrew was standing up. This gave Emma a clear view of Andrew's little baby groin area.

Emma started to stare at Andrew's baby junk. A thought suddenly hit her. She raised her arm, pointed at Andrew's family jewels, and shouted, "Andrew's bunny blanket!"

I didn't really get what she was saying until I imagined Andrew's bunny blanket with droopy ears. I tried to correct her.

"That's not a bunny blanket. That's Andrew's...umm...wee-wee," I explained.

"Andrew's wee-wee? Haha! Andrew's wee-wee!" laughed Emma.

Andrew found this hilarious and started to shout, "My wee-wee! My wee-wee!"

I tried to calm the kids down, but they continued to rant and rave about Andrew's wee-wee. Within seconds, Andrew started pointing and grabbing his wee-wee to make sure we all understood we were talking about his wee-wee.

Emma laughed even harder as Andrew repeatedly poked, slapped, and wiggled his wee-wee. I told Andrew to stop touching his wee-wee or else bathtime was going to end. He looked at me blankly and screeched, "MY WEE-WEE!" I haven't heard so much laughter about wee-wees since my honeymoon night.

I was quite flustered over this situation, but the thing that made me end bathtime was this: Andrew tried to shove his wee-wee into Emma's head. Understandably, this was just an innocent bathtime incident between two two year olds so I didn't want to make this into a big deal. I ended bathtime by explaining to Emma and Andrew that there were a couple of life lessons to learn: 1) You need to listen to your parents. 2) You need to play carefully when you're in the bathtub. 3) You should not shove your penis in other people's faces.

Ah. If I only knew of Lesson Three, then I might've had a prom date in high school...

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