Day 879 - Sugarholisms

Crazy Grandma Ichikawa is against us giving the kids any sweets at all. She tells me, "Wen we hom wid kedd wi noh geev deh ehnee tin fur deeshirt coz dey noh ned tah it doz ting ah tall." Translation: When we home with kid we no give them anything for dessert cause they no need to eat those thing at all. Sorry, it was a tough day for Crazy Grandma with her enunciation because she bit her tongue while eating a lollipop.

In our defense, we hardly ever give the kids anything sweet at all. All of their meals are healthy, their snacks are either Cheerios or fruit, and their idea of juice is a full glass of water with a splash of apple juice. The only time of the day we give them dessert is after dinner. Even with that it is either one of two baby cookies: Gerber banana cookies or Earth First organic alphabet cookies. Occasionally, the kids may ask for a chocolate souffle or sugar out of the bag, but we all need indulgences every once in a while.

I was reading the news and came upon an article. The headline was "Sweet Tooth in Children May Be Linked to Alcoholism." My first thought was that I would do anything possible to keep Crazy Grandma from reading this. But then I calmed down because I forgot Crazy Grandma is illiterate.

But could you imagine the ridiculous logic that Crazy Grandma would come up with if she read the article? She would probably tell me, "You no give dah kiddies anyting sweet to eat begauze I read article dat say if you give kiddies sweet tings to eat den dere body turns dah sugar into some sort of alcohol rike wine or Zima and if dey eat enuf dey become alcoholickies and den An-doo and Emma will become homeless and den probably get die-ah-beadies!"

The article reported a study that showed a possible link between a child's sweet tooth and a family history of alcoholism. Although the Ichikawas do have a sweet tooth, there is no history of alcoholism -- just really heavy social drinking. I really don't think Crazy Grandma has anything to worry about the kids becoming alcoholickies or getting die-ah-beadies, but that won't stop her from being concerned. Hopefully, she won't give us any more grief about giving the kids their two toddler cookies, and then I will wish Crazy Grandma good luck when the kids attack her when they don't get their animal crackers.