Day 532 - Cheerios

Before we had kids, I found it odd that parents always gave their kids Cheerios to eat. No matter where I was at I saw babies eating Cheerios. Did General Mills make a pact with the Devil that Cheerios would be the Official Cereal of Life Forms That Come Out of a Vagina?

I suppose Cheerios are pretty healthy to eat. It's made out of whole wheat, and in case your baby chokes on one, the hole in the center is a built-in safety feature. But there are some ingredients that don't seem to shout out "Babies Love It!" There's tripotassium phosphate and mixed tocopherols. I have no idea what these things are, but I have never seen a blurb on a baby food box that says "Now with MORE Mixed Tocopherols." Nor have I ever seen a television commercial with a little kid pleading to his mom at snacktime, "Pleeease, Mom. Just a little more tripotassium phosphate? Pleeeeease?"

We have followed the pack mentality of parents and give Emma and Andrew Cheerios almost every day. Over the course of several months, I have come to glean two observations about Cheerios:

1) They get everywhere. Once you give your kid a snack cup of Cheerios, these little bits of mixed tocopherols find themselves in the most unusual of places. I've found Cheerios under the sofa, in the sofa, inside their shoes, inside books, in the elevator, down the hallway, in the car, under the car, and even undigested in their diapers. These damn whole wheat holes are all over the house. The last time I've seen this many holes was at last year's proctology conference.

2) They stay in one piece. Lisa and I made a bad decision to experiment with other cereals. We had the kids try Corn Chex and Corn Flakes. Bad call. With Cheerios, if they fall on the ground they are very easy to find and pick up. But with Corn Chex and Corn Flakes, they disintegrate into teeny tiny pieces. A couple of times around the house, I would walk bare foot and then a Chex thorn would pierce my tender foot. Oh the pain! But I found the best way to take out this cereal sliver is to soak your foot in a bowl of milk for a few minutes. Not only does the Chex barb fall out on its own, but afterwards you have a warm bowl of milk to drink and put you to sleep.

So for the Ichikawa family, Cheerios will be the main cereal for the time being. I'm sure we'll look into other cereals down the road, but I'm not too sure which one to try next. I've been thinking about Kix, but what the hell is trisodium phosphate?