zzz...zzz...zzz...
HUH UH WHAT? Oh sorry. A little tired today because last night we decided to wean Andrew off of his pacifier. That's right. Lisa and I stopped procrastinating and agreed it was time to tell Andrew the next time he'll go to sleep with a nipple in his mouth won't be until at least 2026.
As we got Andrew ready for bed, we told him that he was going to get a brand new pacifier. Little did he know that the pacifier wasn't going to work because I cut the tip off. I also punched a few small holes on the top so as he inhaled and exhaled it would create a sound that would sound vaguely like "loooo...serrrrrr."
The time approached when we put him into bed and gave him his new pacifier. At first Andrew was a little puzzled as he tried it out. As he inhaled and exhaled through the cut pacifier, the wheezing made him sound like an asthmatic midget marathon runner. After a few more tries, Andrew disconcertingly held the pacifier towards us and said, "I need help!"
We asked him what's wrong and he continued to say, "I need help." He started to fiddle with the tip of the pacifier and noticed the hole. Andrew wasn't very happy about it and began to get angry.
I tried to calm Andrew down and told him, "Oh no! Your pacifier is broken. Well, you can either try to use it or you can throw it away. What do you want to do?"
"Throw!" he yelled.
So I got him out of the crib and let him throw his pacifier away. I thought this was a pretty smart and mature decision on Andrew's part. What a good boy! I put him back into his crib, patted his head, and said good night.
A few minutes later he started to scream. I went back into the room and asked what was wrong.
"I NEED! I NEED! I NEED!" he yelped.
"You need your pacifier?" I asked.
"Yaaaaah," he whimpered.
As I pulled the pacifier out of the trash and began to wash it in the kitchen sink, I began to think how not very smart and immature Andrew was about this pacifier predicament. But I realized that this is something that he has been using every since he was born, so this might be a struggle for him. Most articles I've read about weaning a child off a pacifier said it would take around three days. Annoyingly, the articles did not note that the three days might feel like three weeks.
For at least an hour, Andrew cried and whined about his pacifier. He demanded a recall as if his pacifier was manufactured by Toyota. Lisa and I were firm about not giving in to Andrew's needs, but we were also compassionate and understanding about it. We would take turns checking in on Andrew every 10 minutes and tried to distract him by putting some assorted dolls in his crib. I even put my old Macintosh Classic in the crib, but that bulky thing fell on Andrew's head. Stupid Apple.
Around 10pm, there was quiet. Sweet, delicious quiet. Andrew tired himself out and cried himself to sleep. The drama was not over yet because at 1am, he began to cry again. Once again, for almost another hour, Lisa and I took turns trying to calm Andrew. At 2am, the crying stopped and Andrew fell asleep. At 2:15am, I stopped crying from exhaustion and fell asleep too.
Although Lisa and I went through the fussing and crying with the kids when they were first born, there was something decidedly different about it last night. The difference being that you're dealing with a kid who is crying over a loss and can actually communicate about it. There was something a little heartbreaking to see Andrew crying over his decapitated pacifier, but you just tell yourself that this is for your kid's own good.
I don't know how many nights this drama is going to continue, but now that we started this nonsense, we've got to see it through. For some reason I think the final outcome of this all is that Andrew is going to stop sucking his pacifier, but Lisa and I are going to end up sucking a crackpipe.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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