Thursday, February 11, 2010

Day 858 - Change of Fart

There are three tell-tale signs that your kid crapped their pants: 1) You see them grabbing onto the sofa and grunting like a hog. 2) A small piece of crap falls out from their pant leg. 3) The smell of excrement overwhelms the room. The latter happened this evening.

It was time to put the kids to bed. I walked into the bedroom where Lisa was reading a book to them, and that distinct stench of flattened feces against powdered baby butt told me one of the kids had a Cracker Jack surprise package.

"Oh oh," I said. "Who went poo-poo in their pants?"

As I began to check their diapers, let me make a public service announcement to those parents whose babies are becoming toddlers. When you check a toddler's diaper, please be careful how much finger you use when pulling the diaper away from the waist. I have made the horrible mistake of going in too deep on several occasions, and the only time you want your finger to look like that is when you're licking a mixing bowl full of chocolate frosting.

Surprisingly, when I checked the diapers I found nothing. Perhaps it was just a fart, but I decided to check their diapers once more in case I missed a small Milk Dud hiding in a crease.

"Hmm. Did neither of you go poo-poo?" I asked the kids. "It sure smells like someone stunk up their pants."

As I turned around to close the bedroom door, I heard someone speak up. Was it Emma? Was it Andrew? Nope.

Lisa looked up at me from the couch and said, "I farted."

And with that, I looked forward to Valentine's Day that much more.

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