Saturday, March 29, 2008

Day 189 - Grandma Ichikawa's Children Songs

Something that Lisa and I do with the kids on a daily basis is play and sing songs.  Although the kids are used to my natural talent of belting Lerner and Lowe Broadway songs, they accept Lisa's off key renditions of Alan Menken Disney songs.  But nothing can beat Grandma Ichikawa's mangled interpretation of classic children songs.

This afternoon my mom was watching the finale of Celebrity Apprentice.  I didn't watch it at all, but my mom told me that it was between a Brit and a Country singer.  She also mentioned how she doesn't know anything about country music and doesn't like it at all.

"I dontah know why people rike dat country moosic.  I would nevah sing dat kindah moosic to dah kids.  Babies dontah rike honky donkey moosic."

Honky donkey moosic?  What the hell is honky donkey music?  I've heard of honky tonk music, but honky donkey?  Is it some sort of Barry Manilow song for people into bestiality?  Copacabangagoat?

Then later on in the day, I heard Grandma Ichikawa singing to Emma in the bedroom.  She was singing her version of Row, Row, Row Your Boat.   Now the original version goes like this:

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream.

Here's what I heard Grandma Ichikawa singing to Emma:

Row, row, row your boat
Jackson down the stream.
Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary
Life is but a dream.

It started off okay, but then my mom started throwing out all of these random names that have no place in the song.  I guess you could make some sense of the song.  Maybe there's someone in a boat that's telling Jackson to row a boat.  Although it seems like the boat belongs to Jackson, so the person telling him to row the boat must be an uninvited, more powerful guest.  And I think this uninvited guest must be having an affair with Mary, Jackson's wife, because he obviously just finished having sex with her in the boat and telling her to dream on.

Wow.  What is my mom doing singing songs of infidelity and extramarital affairs to the kids?  I better tell her to stop singing.  How will she mangle up Jack and Jill going up a hill?  What will Jill be going down after?  Will she pronounce the last 'd' in Hickory Dickory Dock, or will it just become another painfully, punny porn title?  And I won't even touch Wee Willie Winkie.  Us Japanese men have enough insecurities about that topic.  

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