But what did a father of twins (i.e. moi) think of the wedding? In the immortal words of Lisa when she is exhausted: I felt like ka-ka poo-poo. Don't get me wrong! I had a great time visiting everyone, and a family wedding is always a festive event. Yet if anything can bring your energy down a notch or two, it would be either being found out you partook in an elitist prostitution ring or taking care of twins at a wedding (ironically, partaking of a prostitute at a wedding is an energy builder).
Let's assume that before we left for the trip, my energy level was at a ten (let's not get that number confused with my body). After packing the car, driving 4 1/2 hours, and then unloading the car at Santa Clara, my energy level dropped to a nine and stayed at that number for the rest of Friday.
On Saturday, this was the day when my energy really dropped. The morning was nice enough, and Susan, Lisa's sister, invited us over for lunch. She made these tasty burgers called Linda burgers -- no relation to my mother. Although I did ponder what a Linda Ichikawa hamburger would be, and I figured it would actually be a tuna fish sandwich. Why? Because by giving you something that's incorrect, it gives you something to complain and nag about for the rest of the day.
Once we started to get ourselves and the kids ready for the wedding that's when my energy began to wane. Despite the fact we have twins which gives us a legitimate reason to be occasionally tardy, Lisa still hates to be late for anything. Personally, I always aim to be at our destination around ten minutes early. If Lisa had it her way, she'd probably would like to have a thirty minute cushion. The pressure was also on because Grandma Ichinaga enjoys getting to places even earlier than Lisa. So while the kids were napping, I tried to get as ready as possible: I combed my hair, put on my pants and shirt, and even pre-knotted my necktie.
Once the kids woke up from their naps, the rush was on. We warmed up their bottles, forced formula down their throat, hung them upside down to burp, dressed them, and dropped them into their car seats. I then had to get my jacket and tie on. Unfortunately my pre-knotted tie got twisted and I had to redo it. While I was readjusting my necktie, Lisa saw me and said, "I THOUGHT YOU TIED IT ALREADY! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" As she freaked out on me, I wished my necktie was a little longer so I could hang myself. My energy was now an eight.
We had to get to the church an hour before the ceremony for family pictures. This wasn't a big deal at all and was actually a little relaxing. We were just all hanging outside of the church and talking. But as the minutes slowly inched towards the four o'clock ceremony, our little Emma began to get fussy. Well, to be more specific she was getting hungry...and pissed.
I dug into the diaper bag and grabbed our bottles and made some formula for the kids. Andrew went ahead and drank it, but Emma wouldn't. It was too cold for her. By this time, we were in the church and Susan was trying to calm a crying Emma. For being in a Buddhist temple, I sure didn't feel all zen-like. My energy was now a seven.
I ran to the building next to the church which had the multi-purpose rooms and gym. A bunch of Boy Scouts were there preparing for a charity dinner. I entered the restroom and began to run hot water over the bottle. Meanwhile, there were a bunch of Boy Scouts in various stages of uniform undress peeing, pooping, and staring at me -- the old guy in a suit warming up a bottle in a sink. Thankfully a Scoutmaster led me to the kitchen and gave me a bowl of hot water. So now I stood in the kitchen with a bunch of Boy Scouts preparing the dinner. Strangely enough, the Boy Scouts surrounding me were still peeing and pooping.
I finally ran back to the church, and Susan was outside waiting for me. The formula was warm enough, and Emma stopped crying and began to drink. My energy was now a six.
After the ceremony, we took a few more pictures and then headed off for the reception. Everything about the reception was great. The dinner was tasty, and we were just waiting for the traditional stuff like the first dance, the cake cutting, the drunk uncle throwing up on his niece, et al. But guess who got fussy around nine o'clock? Yup that's right. Emma! Energy level at a five.
I wanted Lisa to stay inside so she could see the rest of the reception events. After all, it was her brother's wedding. I put both kids into the stroller and told her I would walk around the hotel a few times so they would fall asleep. The kids are pretty good at falling asleep while strolling. After ten minutes, Andrew fell asleep. But guess who didn't fall asleep? Yup that's right. Emma!
I continued to walk around the hotel hoping Emma would fall asleep and stop crying. While walking around, my mom called to see how I was doing. Unfortunately for me, she heard Emma crying.
"Is her diaper wet?" Energy level at four.
"Is she hungry?" Energy level at three.
"Is she cold?" Energy level at two.
I eventually got off the phone with my mom, and Lisa and her sister came out of the lobby to find me. Lisa told me I should have my slice of wedding cake, and Susan would watch the kids. So I dragged myself inside to have my tasty dessert, and sat down for a bit. Not too soon after, we decided we should call it night and head home. But before we left, Lisa asked me to dance. Guess what? Just the thought of dancing dropped my energy level two points to zero.
After all was said and done and pooped and burped, it was still a fun weekend. So what did we learn this time? I don't think we learned anything too new, but rather certain aspects of raising twins were reinforced. You need to work as a team with twins and be able to do everything your counterpart can do. And yes, men, that includes breast feeding. I underwent an operation that causes me to lactate and it's working out really well. We were also a little wary of the baby's schedules getting messed up, but within a day or two they were back on it. So it really isn't that big of a deal if you screw their times up -- they get back on it pretty fast. And you just have to go with the flow of things. Unfortunately that flow is sometimes a stream of poop running down the legs, but you still have to follow that too.
1 comment:
So now you can lactate? Is your bra size now a 34C up from a 34A?
Post a Comment