Day 329 - Stand By

For the most part, Emma has caught up with Andrew with most of the crawling and standing. And sadly she has caught up with mommy with the whoring and the drinking. Both Lisa and I think that once Emma learned to crawl and move, she became a happier baby. The objects that were out of reach suddenly became within reach. She no longer had to cry about not being able to grab a doll, a book, or a cheesecake.

But there are two problems with the way Emma is getting herself around town. First of all, she has a very awkward way of pulling herself up. I'm not an expert on how to pull yourself up, but I figure the standard way of doing it is to get yourself close to an object, like a chair, and, as Lisa tells me every day, get your ass off the floor. What Emma does that's wrong is she doesn't get herself close enough to the chair. She pulls her body up when she's still several feet away.

The second weird thing that Emma does is her crawling stance. Instead of crawling on her hands and knees, Emma sticks her butt in the air and moves. Now it's one thing if you're in a Sisqo video and you want every one to see your ass, but it's another thing if you're a little baby girl learning to crawl. I try to rationalize her crawling by thinking she is just trying to stand, but the last two times I tried to rationalize something I ended up 1) married and 2) having twins. Some good that did...

Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a big deal. All babies crawl and stand in different ways. But the sad thing for Emma is that she is falling left and right. When she tries to pull herself up against a wall, her legs are so far behind her she often loses her grip and smashes her head against the wall. Or when she is crawling with her butt in the air, she can't see too far ahead of her so she'll end up running into something. And I know you can't see too far ahead because I tried it myself and ended up in the bathroom with my head in the toilet. Even worse, Lisa was on the toilet. Worse yet, she was reading a magazine (that's right...number 2).

Right now, Emma has a few small bruises on her forehead and one on her cheek. They're not very bad at all, but in the right light you can see a little discoloration. Unless we decide to pad all of our walls and furniture with foam, there's not much we can to protect Emma. I tried taping foam to her face, but she ended up eating it.

Emma, like Andrew, is getting close to standing and walking on her own. I was about to type when that time comes, things will get better. But who am I kidding? It's just going to get worse. We're talking bloody knees and broken bones. Holy crap. I better reread my old Boy Scout first aid books and learn how to apply a tourniquet.