Today was Lisa's first official Mother's Day (we don't count her illegitimate ones). I told her the night before that because it was her special day I would not use any of the following phrases that I so often use:"Shuddup, you whore!"
"Stop being a dumbass, you whore!"
"Your pimp is on the phone, you whore!"
And if you don't mind a little self-praise, I didn't use any of those phrases at all. I figure that's the very least I could do to show my appreciation to that whore, my wife.
In the morning, I made Lisa a breakfast of a mushroom and cheddar omelet, turkey bacon, and cranberry chocolate chip scones. After she ate, I did all of the dishes and proceeded to vacuum the entire apartment and throw out the trash. By the end of all of this, it was time to put the kids down for their mid-morning nap.
This was the perfect time for me to sneak out and do a little last minute shopping for Lisa and my mom. I decided to go to Costco because I had to buy my sister, Anne (pretzel maven), her birthday present and some assorted groceries. There was this entire area full of flowers and bouquets so I bought my mom this gigantic purple orchid in a glass vase and got Lisa a gigantic bunch of red roses. I quickly went through Costco to finish up my shopping so I could get home before the kids woke up.
As I put my items into the trunk of my car in this large Costco reusable bag, this guy who was parked right in front me had a dead battery. He asked for a jump. So I got into my car, popped the hood, started the car, and the guy had his motor up and running. He said thanks, and I slammed my trunk.
When I got back home, I opened the trunk and was greeted with a big surprise. No, the stuff wasn't stolen. But they were certainly soaked. You see, when I went to Costco I left with my travel mug of morning coffee. And when I put the stuff in my trunk, I left my coffee in the Costco bag. Unfortunately the whole battery situation caused me to forget I left my java in the bag, and I drove home with the coffee spilling all over my food, gifts, and flowers. Needless to say, none of this would've happened if there was not such a day as Mother's Day.
For the next 15-20 minutes, Lisa and I were in the kitchen cleaning everything that got wet in the Costco bag. It was so bad that I had to wipe dry every tomato and blueberry that was drenched in a wet aroma of Columbia coffee. From a rating of 1 to 10, I'd have to give it the number SUCK BIG TIME.
Anyway, the rest of the day was hopefully great for Lisa. We took a nice walk down the street to get some sushi for lunch. When we got back home, the kids went down for a nap and we caught up on a bunch of tv shows we tivo'd. And for dinner my parents came over, and we ordered some really good Italian food around the corner from us.
Before we went to sleep, we started to look at some pictures of the kids when they were just born. It's hard to believe just seven months ago they were these little blobs with four appendages (I suppose five for Andrew...ifyouknowwhatimean...). And here they are today looking like my great-uncle: slightly bald with one tooth.
Happy Mother's Day!
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