Thursday, February 26, 2009

Day 518 - Bad Impressions

Why is it that many children toys and books relate to barn animals? Aren't we way past the whole agrarian society? Is it really that useful for toddlers to know what a Bantam rooster is? I can think of many other things that we could read to our kids that would be much more relevant to their little needs like how to install RAM into a computer or how to apply for student loans (You can never start too early!).

I bring up this whole barn animal thing because Lisa was reading this book called "Big Red Barn" to the kids. It's a pretty cute book about what the barn animals do when there are no humans around. When I first read the book, I thought the animals were going all "Lord of the Flies" on each other, but it did not. Basically, the animals just have a good old time, go to sleep in the barn, and murder the scarecrow. Generic kiddie story.

What is inevitable with these animal books is that whether or not the text cues you to make animal sounds, as a parent you automatically make them. As Lisa was doing her animal impressions, I noticed that they all sounded very similar.

Lisa would do her horse sound: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

Lisa would do her cow sound: Mehhhhhhhhhh.

Lisa would do her cat sound: Mmmmmmmmeh.

I couldn't decide if it was the sound of a slaughtered cow or the sound from octogenarian porn. Either way, it was really awful.

I started to make fun of Lisa, and she couldn't help but laugh at herself because she realized how bad her animal sounds were. All the while, Emma and Andrew just stared at us with bewildered eyes. And if not bewildered, eyes that said, "Is there a return policy with these parents?"

Hopefully, I didn't make Lisa feel too self-conscious of her animal sound abilities because the kids do enjoy having books read by Mommy. But if Lisa ever makes that sound in bed with me, I'm going to have to call it a night. No ifs, ands, or mmmeeeehhhhs.

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