Sunday, February 8, 2009

Day 500 - CRUNCH

Andrew jumped on my balls today.

I was just lying down on the floor minding my own business. The kids were reading books, so I closed my eyes for a moment. During that moment, Andrew jumped on my balls.

I know Andrew doesn't know any better, but he has balls too. Shouldn't he have some innate understanding of how sensitive they are? I would be more understanding if Emma jumped on my balls because she has a vagina. But this doesn't excuse Lisa for jumping on my balls because she's much older and should know better.

When Andrew jumped on my junk, I let out a scream. It might've been a slightly effeminate scream, but I don't care because it hurt. It still hurts.

I tried to explain to Andrew why it's not nice to jump on a person's testicles, but I wasn't too sure how to explain it to a sixteen month year old. As far as I know, there's not a baby word for testicles. Penis is wee-wee, but what do you call your balls? I couldn't think of anything so I just called them your "thingies."

"Andrew," I said in a slight falsetto voice. "Do NOT jump on Daddy's...thingies. Daddy's thingies do not like to be jumped on. You would not like it if I jumped on Andrew's thingies. Leave Daddy's thingies alone!"

After reading what I just typed, it confirmed what I initially thought: I'm an idiot. I guess as long as our kids are no taller than my waist, there are going to be many times when there are mishaps with my thingies. I feel like it's a passage of parenthood for fathers to get their groin area abused by their children. On the other hand, I do not believe it is a passage of marriage for husbands to get their groin area abused by their wife. Could someone please e-mail Lisa and confirm this? Please? I still hurt...

1 comment:

Lisa Haskins said...

Have you not seen America's Funny Home Videos? They do montages of men across the country getting their crotches crunched! Tip: do not try any bats, golf or other type of ball hitting games- EVER.