As a child I was always interested in magic. How do you pull a rabbit out of a hat? How do you cut a woman in half? How do you change your baby sister into the puppy dog you always wanted (Hint: Going to the animal shelter asking for a trade does not work.)?
Last night, I decided to try a little magic trick on Emma and Andrew. In their bedroom, they have a small and a big Mickey Mouse doll. It's the traditional Mickey with the red pants and no shirt (i.e. the sexy Mickey).
I had a large box and without letting the kids see, I put the large Mickey in it. I called the kids over to me and showed them the small Mickey doll. I dropped the small Mickey into the box, shook the box, and hid the small doll under my lap. And then I dramatically raised the box over my head and dumped out the large Mickey Mouse. The kids were stunned! David Blaine, eat your heart out! I can do stupid, gimmicky tricks just as well as you.
The kids seemed so entertained, I decided to do an encore performance. After I did the whole switch-a-roo, I once again raised the box over my head and dumped out the large Mickey doll. Sadly, the reaction to my magic act was different. Andrew was still in awe, but Emma puckered her lower lip and looked scared. She stepped away from me, cried, and ran out of the room.
Lisa came into the room asking what I did to scare poor Emma. I performed my acclaimed magical illusion to Lisa, and when I transformed small Mickey into big Mickey, Emma once again cried. Lisa walked out of the room muttering something under her breath. At least she didn't call me a dumbass...
...she called me a jackass.
I guess I'll have to hold off my voodoo magic for awhile until Emma gets over her scaredy cat ways -- which may be quite some time. As for Andrew, the next morning I saw him tossing the small and big Mickey dolls in the same box trying to perform some magic of his own. Maybe if he has an interest in magic when he gets older, I'll get him a large box and teach him how to saw his mom in half. And when he gets really good, maybe he can perform a miracle and try to make his mom balance her checkbook correctly.