Thursday, February 5, 2009

Day 497 - Booger Nights

Andrew has gigantic boogers. There, I said it. He has large, crusty, taunting boogers perpetually hanging from his nostrils. They are like two turtle heads wondering if the coast is clear. I call his boogers our other twins.

I'm sure Andrew isn't the only toddler in the world with nostril poop hanging from his nose, but it annoys the hell out of Lisa and me. To make matters worse, Andrew hates having his face tampered with. If he could speak, I'm sure he would shout "face rape" on more than one occasion. I once shouted "face rape" during a trip to Amsterdam, but that's a story for another time.

Lisa and I are never able to get these boogers out of his nose, but they must go somewhere because there are days when his nostrils are clear. I imagine they must drop on the floor and I mistake it for either a grain of rice or a small piece of chicken. But today, I was successful in pulling one of them out.

For the past week, there was this bulbous booger just on the inside of his nose. As the days passed, this booger lowered past the rim of his nostril due to the accumulation of more boogers. After giving Andrew a bath, I figured that this would be an ideal time to get it out. I had Andrew on his changing table and distracted him with a toy. Quickly, I took my thumb and index finger and started picking at his nose. Before you know it, I yelled, "Eureka!" and did the "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" dance. The booger was in my hand.

And here's where it gets weird: instead of throwing it away, I saved it in a tissue so I could show Lisa. And then it gets weirder because when I showed Lisa, she was just as excited as I was. We were both ecstatic over a baby booger. Seriously. Let's take a show of hands -- how many of you have ever been excited over a big booger? Anyone? Anybody? Bueller?

I'll probably keep this story to myself at work because I don't think anyone would understand it. But this begs the question of whether or not I should take the framed picture of the booger to work. I think I will and if anyone asks what it is I'll tell them it's a piece of chicken.

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