Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Day 495 - NO!

Emma learned a new word yesterday. I'll give you three hints so you can guess what word it is: 1) It's the opposite of yes. 2) It sounds like the word "know." 3) It's what Lisa tells me every night before we go to bed.

That's right. Emma learned the word "no." It is the word that parents dread because once your kid learns it they say it all of the time. I mean it's a pretty empowering word for a baby. Imagine how weird the first sixteen months of your life was. Your mouth was stuffed with boob every few hours. You sat in your own crap and piss. Strangers stared at you and pinched your cheeks. Kinda a crappy way to start out your life...except for the boob part. The boob part is kinda cool. But not with my mom! That's gross. I'm talking about with other women. I mean my wife! Dammit...I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. Anyhoo...

And then you suddenly learn a simple one syllable word that gives you the power to change people's actions. You don't like pureed peas? Just say no. You don't want Crazy Grandma Ichikawa to wipe your face for the umpteenth time? Just say no. You don't want your dad to write about you in a blog? Well, tough luck. Life's not fair. Go to your room.

The first time I heard Emma say the word "no" was when I asked her if she wanted to go to bed. She whispered very quietly, "...no..." I momentarily thought what a genius moment this was for Emma. I was so excited I started to get the Ivy League applications ready.

But for the rest of the night, I heard her say "no" at the most random and inappropriate situations. She was playing with a puzzle and kept on mumbling "no no no no no no no" whether or not she put in a piece correctly. When I was reading her a book and asked her where the duck was in the picture, she responded, "No." She played with an animal See N' Say and pointed at all of the animals saying "No no no no no no no." And most unfitting of all, she responded "no" when I asked her if she thought Daddy was smarter than Mommy. That is the most stoopidest thing I ever herd.

As parents, we will need to let Emma understand that even though she knows how to say "no" that does not mean she will get her way every time. Our doctor told us that girls will learn to verbalize before boys, so we're not concerned that Andrew hasn't said the word yet. From what I understand, the natural language progression for girls is: "no" to "no way" to "never" to "I hate you, Dad" to "I hate you, you f***ing a**hole." I...can't...wait.

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