Thursday, July 17, 2008
Day 298 - Weighting for Gouda
I preface today's entry with this simple fact: Lisa lost a lot of weight.
Lisa never told me how much she weighed before she had kids. And Lisa never told me how much she weighed at the peak of her pregnancy. But all I ever hear now from Lisa is how much weight she has lost since she was pregnant. I'm not too sure how much she has lost, but she lost all of her pregnancy weight plus another fifteen to twenty pounds. Doing all of the math quickly in my head...I think...she must currently weigh...167 pounds.
Lisa just hit me. sigh.
Although Lisa is not exercising too much on a regular basis, what she is doing on a regular basis is breastfeeding. You burn around 200-500 calories per day when you are breastfeeding. So the way I figure it with all of the people she has to breastfeed in the house, Lisa must be burning off between 600-1500 calories per day (Yes...that's right. I have to eat too.).
Now imagine my amusement when Lisa got the following letter in the mail today. On the front of the flyer it says in bold lettering: "The weight is over! Make a change for your life!" When you open it up, it says: Make a change for your life by contacting the Center for Weight Loss Surgery.
That's right. She got a letter in the mail that says she's a fatty. I have no idea what would prompt a hospital to contact Lisa to tell her she's a beached whale. Perhaps Lisa signed up online for one too many cooking magazines?
The stranger thing about this mailer is what it says in between the lines. This facility is telling you that they know you tried to lose weight. And you failed at it. As a matter of fact, you failed so miserably that the only thing you can do to lose weight is to have a doctor open you up and use a Swingline Heavy-Duty stapler on your stomach. I know I can be an oddball, but man...that's kinda f'd up!
Listen, the only reason I can joke about this topic is because Lisa's isn't overweight at all. And if she was overweight and read today's blog, she'd probably sit on me and kill me. I just don't understand how these advertisements get to certain people when the problems these mailers claim to answer don't even pertain to these individuals. For instance, I got an ad in the mail today that invites me to a seminar on August 5th to help people whose only sense of self-worth and purpose is falsely linked to their addiction to blogging. Now why would I get something like that? Until tomorrow!
You...are going to come back and visit tomorrow, right? Please come back. Tell all your friends! I'm lonely. What am I doing August 5th?