Tonight, I was in charge of getting Andrew ready for bed. Although he tends to be a little more obedient, he is a lot more squirmy and active. Trying to brush his teeth is like trying to thread a needle except the needle is being held by a meth addict about to OD.
After Andrew brushed his teeth, it was time to go to the potty. Whether or not he has to pee, we make him stand at the toilet for twenty seconds because those seconds usually determine if there will be a middle-of-the-night bed change.
Andrew pulled down his pants, but he forgot to lift up the toilet lid. So as I bent over to lift up the lid, a warm stream of fresh Andrew pee went all over my arms and hands. My reaction to this is best described by Emma who asked Lisa, "Why is Daddy screaming?"
Everyone was in the bathroom staring at me. Andrew continued to pee in the toilet. Emma was at the sink brushing her teeth. And Lisa was just laughing at me. I pushed Emma aside and began to lather up my hands and arms with soap. Emma asked me why I was washing my hands, and I just muttered to myself over and over again, "Because I have pee all over it. Because I have pee all over it."
I explained to Andrew that I wasn't mad at him; I was just disgusted by him. Andrew believed he was 100% innocent with this pee incident. Why, you ask? Because the way he saw it, he was wondering why I stuck my arm in the toilet when he was peeing. Can't say he's wrong about that, eh?
What struck me weird about my urine soaked arm is how I reacted to it. Over the course of four years, I have dealt with pee and poop in a variety of manners and forms. You would think that I would be numb and emotionless over any substance that oozes out of the kids' nether regions, but I guess this experience shows that I am full of emotion and girl-like screams.
More significantly, I think the way Andrew marked his territory on my forearm made me realize that I reacted to Andrew as a kid and not a baby. There's something oh-so cute about a helpless baby spraying urine and poop all over your body. You accept the fact that the baby doesn't know any better, so you clean up and move on.
But when a four year old sprays his human fire hose on your arm, you react to it differently. Even though it was an accident, you treat the older child as if he made a mistake and/or he needs to be more careful. There's no Kodak moment when a young child defecates on you.
So perhaps I should look at Andrew's urinepalooza as a bittersweet episode; definitely more bitter since it's pee we're talking about. He's growing and needs to be held somewhat accountable for his toilet errors. And as for myself, after taking a nice long shower, I have got to say that I should probably use shampoo and conditioner more often on my arms. I've never seen my arm hairs with so much body and sheen!
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