Sunday, September 4, 2011

Day 1423 - Return of the Maven

Auntie Anne (pretzel maven) returned to Sacramento from her West Coast trip of Oregon, Washington, Vancouver, and Chile just so she could spend some time with the kids.  How lucky for the kids and unlucky for us because we were thrown out into the living room to sleep for our last two nights.  You'd think a Pretzel Maven could afford a few nights at the local HoJo...

The kids really enjoy playing with Auntie Anne (pretzel maven) because she is so playful and has the emotional intelligence of either a five year old or a retarded chimp.  You should see her and the kids throwing their feces against the bathroom wall.  So adorable!  But then Auntie Anne (pretzel maven) did something that wasn't so adorable...

When the kids received their scooters from Crazy Gaga and Lazy Papa, I decided to construct a car ramp for Andrew's cars out of the box.  All it took was a pair of scissors, duct tape, and several viewings of a HowCast video entitled "How to Construct a Car Ramp for Andrew's Cars Out of a Scooter Box".  Pretty specific, eh?

After five minutes, I made this beauty of a car ramp:

Please, please.  Just feel free to send your accolades and praise regarding my car ramp via the comment section.  Not only did I make a tunnel opening at the bottom of the ramp, but I created a starting line with a spare piece of cardboard!  I know...I know.  Just leave a comment...

But then!  Curses, Auntie Anne (pretzel maven)!  When she gave Andrew his birthday gift, his eyes widened as my eyes narrowed.  She bought him a fancy pants, show-off, cars carrying case that converts into a racing ramp!  WTF!

I asked Andrew, "Which ramp do you like more:  Daddy's or Auntie Anne's?"  And he said, "Auntie Anne's."

I took it a step further and said, "Which ramp should we keep at Gaga and Papa's:  Daddy's or Auntie Anne's?"  Once again he picked the evil Pretzel Maven's ramp.

So I tried ONE more time and said, "But Daddy spent so much time and did so much work on making your car ramp.  Don't you want to play with that instead?"  Andrew simply said, "No."  Fine.  Andrew will rue the day when he no longer receives a cardboard box covered with duct tape as a gift!  Rue, I say!

But the one comfort I found with Auntie Anne's (pretzel maven) gift was the way she addressed the package.  Knowing that Auntie Anne (pretzel maven) works in the publishing industry as an editor, writer, and copywriter, let me see if you can find a mistake:

And if you can't quite find it, here's an enlargement:

She spelled Andrew rong!  I wil just taek solase that she rote Andrew's nam rong even thou her gift waz beter than min.  Tak that, yu retardid chimp!

1 comment:

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