Yesterday, Lisa was home because it was a holiday. And I was home yesterday because I haven't worked in six months and it was Monday. So what could be a better way to spend the day than to take the kids to their first ever dentist appointment?
Our pediatrician recommended this dentist that is literally a few miles away from our home. We figured why not try her out and see how it goes. The dental office was very inviting. It had a Finding Nemo theme which was much better than the other dental office which had an Inglourious Basterds theme. There were video games, a gigantic aquarium, large LCD televisions, puzzles, and books. As I looked at all of the toys, I suddenly wished I had a root canal the dentist could work on.
Lisa and I tried to prepare the kids for the dentist. We read them a book about the dentist office. We explained to them that the dentist were going to put fancy toothbrushes and tools in their mouths to make sure their teeth were extra clean. And I showed them a YouTube video on oral surgery.
That was a bad idea...
When Andrew's and Emma's names were called, Lisa and I told the dentist that Emma would go first. We weren't too sure how Emma was going to deal with the cleaning, but we were pretty sure she would be more calm than over-stimulated Andrew. Hint: Do not give your child an espresso before their first dentist appointment.
The dentist and her assistant were very friendly and explained everything that was going on. There were also little LCD televisions mounted on the ceilings so Emma could watch any number of movies like Madagascar, Toy Story, or Marathon Man.
The whole procedure went extremely smoothly with Emma. The dentist counted all of her teeth. Then she proceeded to clean, floss, and apply fluoride to her teeth. And it was all done. The only thing the dentist told us was that it looked like two of Emma's front teeth might be fused together; it's pretty common with baby teeth. She asked us to make sure we brush the fused teeth really well, and when it is time for her front teeth to come out, there is a great possibility that they may have to be removed because the roots are so large. I started to explain to Emma the possibility of oral surgery, but thankfully Lisa was next to me to kick me in the nuts.
Next up was Andrew. As the dentist greeted him and began to lean back his chair, things seemed to be okay. There was a little struggle as the dentist counted Andrew's teeth, but he soon calmed down as the dentist counted up to the number 20. Andrew selected watermelon toothpaste for his cleaning because he loves watermelon. As the cleaning started, I had an awful feeling that watermelon may become his most hated fruit.
First of all, Andrew did not like the gritty texture and taste of the toothpaste. Also, Andrew did not want the dentist to put strange probes into him mouth. I explained to Andrew that I have had plenty of strange probes, and I enjoyed them all. Since Andrew was not cooperating, the dentist asked if he wanted his Mommy to sit with him. Andrew nodded yes.
So Lisa got into the dentist chair with Andrew lying on top of her. The dentist quickly cleaned his teeth as the assistant kept Andrew's arm out of the way and I tried to keep his legs from kicking Lisa. As I stood back, all I could think as Andrew kicked his legs was how fortunate that Lisa did not have testicles.
The dentist did not want to spend too much time on Andrew because she did not want the visit to be an unpleasant experience and his teeth looked fine. As soon as the dentist was done with Andrew, he stopped screaming. Since there weren't any tears in his eyes, I realized it wasn't that he was scared or sad, he was just pissed off. Really pissed off.
Happily, the visit ended on a high note because they received a goodie bag. Emma received a Princess toothbrush, Princess dental floss, kid toothpaste, and a box of Crayolas. Andrew received a Cars toothbrush, Toy Story dental floss, kid toothpaste, a box of Crayolas, and a xanax.
As we walked to the car, we told the kids what a great job they did at the dentist. We were very proud of them, and the dentist said they had very clean teeth. When I opened the car door for Emma, I told her one more time what a great job she did.
"I know," she agreed. "I did a very good job."
"Yes," I said. "You and Andrew did a very good job."
Emma stopped me. "Not Andrew."
"Andrew, didn't do a good job?" I asked.
"No," she said. But then she thought about it and rephrased her answer. "Well, Andrew did a little bit not very good job."
And with that, we treated the kids to a little frozen yogurt to ensure that at their dental appointment they would have a cavity.
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