Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day 1214 - Clean Getaway
As has been proven by medical tests and studies, it is conclusive that I am a man. Despite what you may have heard from my elementary, middle, and high school friends. Despite what rumors you've gleaned from my parents and wife. I am a man. And as a man, I have always found one particular thins hilarious and intriguing: poopy.
I did a quick calculation with this blog, and out of the 1100 entries I've written, 152% of them are about poopy. I have no idea where the 152% came from, but I'm Japanese so my mathematical skills must be correct.
I bring all of this up because I have realized that there is something very special and unique about Emma. The kids have been potty trained for about three months, and they're both doing a good job. But as I have continued to help the kids wipe their bottoms when they poop, there is a distinct difference between Emma's and Andrew's ass wipes. On average, I usually have to do 3 to 5 wipes to make Andrew's ass clean. But with Emma's wipes, there must be something magical about her butt because quite often from the very first wipe...it is already...clean.
***CUE HARPS, BELLS, AND TRIANGLE MUSIC***
I have never experienced anything like that in my life. In my thirty-something years sitting on the crapper, I don't know if I've ever had a Windex moment (i.e. streakless). I don't know what it is about Emma's magical ass, but I'm thinking it must some sort of scientific experiment gone bad. Remember the movie The Fly? Maybe Emma was futzing around with a teleporter, but a teflon pan was accidentally placed in the other pod. And the end result was a no-stick butt.
As I explained this to my wife, she obviously had no interest in my story because she said to me, "I have no interest in your story." Perhaps this is one of those things that divides men and women. Yet the world would be a better place if both sexes could one day respect, idolize, and revel in the awesomeness of a no-wipe poopy.