Something horrible happened today. I don't know if I can talk about it. Just thinking about it makes me emotional. But it's one of those moments that makes you realize how fragile and mortal life is. And hopefully from this pain, you can gain insight and strength. So here it goes. Andrew...colored...the television set.
Mind you, it wasn't just a line or a scribble. He quite literally colored the television set. If our 42" television was 32", then he would've colored the entire screen. How did this happen? Well, it sure as hell wasn't on my watch.
You see, Lisa was cooking dinner. As Lisa often does when she is in the kitchen, she rolled out a piece of butcher paper so the kids can color. Obviously, Lisa was not paying attention to the kids because she was so focused on the complicated Hamburger Helper instructions. It was during this time that Andrew grabbed his crayons, wandered off to the television, and raped it of it's innocence.
What got me was that Lisa did not even notice what was happening. Let me repeat: this was not a scribble on the television screen. This was full blown, balls out coloring. For a two year old, this work of electronic violence must've taken him several minutes to do. And get this! He even took the time to use different colored crayons on the screen: green, blue, and red. It was as if those Yip-Yip muppets from Sesame Street jizzed on my tv.
Fortunately for me, my boss at work had some heavy duty screen wipes and spray that he let me use to clean up this mess. It took me about fifteen minutes to get the television completely clean. The last time it took me that long to get something clean was at Boy Scout camp when I crapped my sleeping bag.
So as a warning to all mothers and wives out there, please do not let your children color prized electronic possessions. Let them color something else. The wall. The sofa. How about Grandma? And now it is time I teach Lisa a lesson by taking out her Coach purses and uncapping a dozen Sharpie pens. Ooooh kids!
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