Saturday, October 31, 2009

Day 759 - Happy Halloween

The most horrific thing about Halloween besides the monsters, zombies, and aliens is seeing hundreds of kids wired on sugar. Every day around the world, parents try to prevent their kids from experiencing a sugar high. Yet one day a year, the rules are thrown out and you have little crack candy children looking for their next glucose hit.

This year the kids dressed up as Mickey and Minnie Mouse. There were of course other options that were vetoed: Donny and Marie, Maury Povich and Connie Chung, and Crazy Grandma and Lazy Grandpa. I thought the latter would've been perfect since Emma's pronunciation of English words sounds just like Crazy Grandma.

The original plan for Halloween was to go out trick or treating with friends around their neighborhood. Unfortunately, our friend's kid got a fever so the outing was canceled. I very well wasn't about to put $60 worth of costumes to waste. I was even willing to take the kids to Disneyland and throw them on top of a parade float. But a quick Google search showed that our local shopping mall was going to have a Halloween event where kids could go trick or treating to participating stores.

We've never been to a shopping mall during Halloween so we weren't too sure what to expect. I imagined whether stores would give out appropriate treats: the Apple Store giving iPods, Barnes & Nobles giving books, the food court giving you diarrhea.

So we got the kids dressed and ready to hit the mall. Andrew's Mickey Mouse costume was pretty funny because it gave him a pear shaped body. He actually looked like Lazy Grandpa after a big dinner.

Emma's Minnie Mouse costume wasn't very funny, but she looked very cute in her pink dress. The best thing about her costume was that it was big enough so I could use it next summer as swimming trunks.

When I pulled into the mall parking lot, I was amazed to find it so crowded. Either this event was a lot more popular than I thought or Brookstone was having a major sale on shiatsu machines and air purifiers.

The kids were amazed to find so many other children dressed up in costumes. They saw a boy dressed like Elmo. They saw a girl dressed like Tinker Bell. They saw Siamese twins dressed as the letter X.

Lisa and I were pretty excited that the kids were going trick or treating because we would get a stash of candy for home. As the kids began trick or treating, we realized that the stores were giving out pretty lame treats. Stickers, store coupons, and hard candy were some of the collected goods. But then we saw what should be the Fort Knox of candy giveaways on Halloween: See's Candy.

We pushed the kids to the See's Candy line and awaited our free treat of chocolate delight. The See's Candy lady/nurse put two things into the kid's candy bag: a $2 off coupon and a piece of coffee candy. Really? A coupon and coffee candy? How about if I give the See's Candy lady/nurse two things into her candy bag: a diet book and my middle finger.

The oddest thing that happened to us is that a total stranger came up to our kids and said, "Oh! Your kids look so cute. I have to give them something!" So she took her purse out, and dropped a handful of spare change into the kid's candy bag. At first I thought it was kinda sweet that this stranger felt compelled to give our kids a treat, but I later realized that by giving our kids money she turned our kids into baby whores. Bitch!

After 40 minutes of walking around, we decided to call it quits. Although the kids enjoyed themselves, we looked into their candy bag and realized that there were very few sweets that Lisa and I would enjoy eating. But at least this experience made us learn that if either of us were in desperate need of money, we could always parade our kids around to whore up a few dollars.

From left to right: Minnie Mouse, Kathy Bates, Mickey Mouse.

1 comment:

Kevin said...

It would have been pretty cool if Scott would have dressed up as a pear shaped Mickey too!!