People often wonder how my wife, Lisa, puts up with me. They may read the blog or hear how I may call her endearingly "my little whore" and become puzzled as to why anyone would marry me in the first place. First of all, I'm a very generous lover. Secondly, we both share a similar sense of humor. As many times as I have called her a whore, she has called herself a whore twice as many times. But sometimes I may take a joke a little too far (SHOCK!)...
The kids enjoy coloring. We usually just roll out a large piece of white butcher on the floor, dump a dozen crayons on top of it, and let the kids go wild. Half the time, the kids entertain themselves coloring like highly caffeinated epileptic blind children. The other half, the kids want us to draw things for them. The most popular things they want us to draw are cars, Blue's Clues, Mickey and Minnie Mouse, and artichokes.
Sometimes I'll just ignore the requests and draw things on my own. One day, I proceeded to draw a bunch of farm animals for the kids.
I drew a horse. "Can you say horse?"
The kids said, "Hoooooors!"
I drew a cow. "Can you say cow?"
The kids said, "Cooow!"
I drew a pig. "Can you say Mama?"
The kids said, "Mama!"
Okay. So I lied, but sometimes you have to amuse yourself when you're at home alone with the kids. Coloring time was over so I folded up the paper and cleaned up the room.
A little later, it was coloring time again. But this time, Lisa was around. As the kids began to color, they saw all of the farm animals on the paper. And guess what they said when they pointed to the pig.
"Mama! Mama!"
Lisa looked at me. I ignored her as she proceed to test the kids their knowledge of farm animals.
Lisa pointed to the horse. "What's this?"
The kids said, "Hoooors!"
Lisa pointed to the cow. "What's this?"
The kids said, "Coooow!"
Lisa pointed to the pig. "What's this?"
The kids said, "Mama! Mama!"
Needless to say, Lisa wasn't amused at first, but thankfully got over it. I think what helped her forgive me was the fact that the kids now call a drawing of a jackass "Dada!"
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