Thursday, November 20, 2008

Day 422 - Crazy Grandma Ichikawa Storytime

It has been a long time, but here is another...


Since I have been Mr. Mom, practically every afternoon my parents video chat with the kids. I pull out my Mac, set it up on one side of the sofa's chaise, and the kids stand on the other side waiting to see Crazy Grandma Ichikawa's babbling internet antics.

At first, the kids are usually very happy to see Grandma and Grandpa. They smile and scream and point at the computer screen. Then several seconds later, they lose interest and find something more interesting to do like pick up lint from the floor or examine their belly buttons. But this doesn't stop Crazy Grandma Ichikawa from talking nonstop.

"Look at Grandmaaaaaah! I bought new toy for you!"

"Look at Grandmaaaaaah! I bought new book for you!"

"Look at Grandmaaaaaah! I bought thyroid medication for me!"

One day before we video chatted, Andrew's pants got all wet because he spilled water in his high chair. So I took his pants off and just let him run around the house like that for a bit. When I started the video chat, Crazy Grandma Ichikawa was not happy to see Andrew without pants.

"Why Andrew have no pants?" demanded Grandma.

I responded, "Andrew wants to look sexy."

"No sex! No sex! Put pants on!"

Funny how replacing the word 'sexy' with 'sex' suddenly made this video chat awkward and creepy.

I didn't put pants on Andrew despite Crazy Grandma Ichikawa's repeated request. As a matter of fact, this inspired me to take Emma's pants off.

"Ah!" screamed Grandma. "Emma have no pants! No funny! Put pants on!"

Now I had Andrew and Emma walking around the house without pants on. This was driving my mom crazy. When Andrew was off camera, I went to him and took his shirt off. When Grandma saw this she went ballistic.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" begged Grandma. "This no funny. NO funny at all. You going to make Andrew get sick! Put clothes on him now! AHHHH!"

I figured I took this joke as far as I could. So I told my mom I was going to take Andrew into the bedroom to change his diaper and get him dressed. While I was doing this, Emma was just looking at one of her picture books in front of the computer. When I finished changing Andrew, I took him off the changing table and let him run back to the video chat.

"NO! NO! NOOOOOO!" yelled Grandma.

"What's wrong?" I asked.


That's right. After I changed Andrew's diaper, I put him on the ground butt naked. Now he was running around the house proudly showing off his frank and beans.

"You crazy! YOU CRAZY!" Grandma said with disgust. "You be sorry! Andrew go pee pee or poo poo in house. Then we see who sorry! Dat right! You get pee pee and poo poo on floor and you be sorry! I no want to talk no more. Dat it! I'm going. Yes. I am going."

This entire episode made me realize that if I'm ever unable to end a video chat, all I need to do is get one of the kids naked. The only thing I worry about is that if I do it too many times, Crazy Grandma won't care anymore. Fortunately, I have a Plan B. Unfortunately, that includes me being naked.

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