During the week, I usually take the kids out once a day for a stroll or an errand. And some times, just to be exciting, we do both together. But since the kids have been sick this week, I didn't take them out at all. And I got to say that being home all week got me a little antsy.
My once naive notion that staying at home would give me the opportunity to pursue my interests during their naps (i.e. drawing, playing the piano, writing, cross-dressing) made me want to stick a "sucker" sign on my back. Unfortunately there is no room to put the "sucker" sign on my back because Lisa makes me wear a "dumbass" sign when I'm at home.
Earlier this week, I was getting lunch ready for Emma and Andrew. I chopped up some boiled chicken breast and cut some broccoli and carrots into bite-sized pieces. And dessert would be some grapes and Cheerios. Lisa got the kids used to eating peeled grapes, and I swore to her that I'd rather eat my own poop than peel grapes for the kids. Well, I ended up peeling grapes for the kids and poop tastes better toasted (texture goes a long way).
While peeling the grapes, I discovered a short cut! Lisa peels the grapes whole, but what I found out was that it's much easier to peel the grapes when you cut them in half. Who's the dumbass now, Lisa? This got me very excited. Then I wondered whether or not it might be possible to peel the skin off the grape in one motion. Nah! That would be impossible! But what if...ohmygawd! I did it! Yes we can! Yes we can!!! And THEN I counted how many grape halves I had and then decided to count how many perfect peels I could get. Finally, I could do a simple math calculation to figure out my percentage of perfect peels! I just created a new game for myself! This is so much fun!
This is so pathetic!
It didn't take me long to figure out how pathetic my life had become. After I figured out my percentage (which was a measly 15%) and after I made a chart entitled "Grape Expectations" and after I sewed a felt grape and after I placed the grape on the chart with a magnet THAT is when I thought to myself, "Wow...how sad! I only got 15%." And after that, I thought to myself, "And this is kinda pathetic."
I guess it's only natural to figure out ways to entertain yourself at home when the only other people at home are two babies whose sole source of entertainment is currently your belly button. Not having anyone to talk to or be social with gets tough on the mind especially when it brings back sour memories of college and high school and middle school and elementary school and preschool.
But these moments of self-pity tend to be short lived. Why? Because you have to change a diaper. Or you have to put your kids to sleep. Or you have to comfort Emma because Andrew got into the kitchen cabinets and hit her with a salad spinner. Basically you realize you're a parent. Sure you're allowed to occasionally wallow in your own pool of tears and urine, but this is what you signed up for. Ultimately, you're devoting the rest of your life to your kids and there's nothing pathetic about that. It's only pathetic when you don't.
So I'll probably continue to figure out new ways to entertain myself when I'm home alone. I think the next game will be to see how many strands of hair I pull out of my head every day. I'll title the chart "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow."
2 comments:
too bad the stores don't sell pre-pealed grapes for you. I'll have to try peeling a grape the next time i have one.
With your time off, you should design a grape peeling device, patent it, then sell it to baby stores around the world. You'll make millions and never need to peel another grape by hand again.
Think about it...
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