Thursday, May 14, 2009

Day 591 - Letters of Complaint

Lisa's school had a book fair, so she bought the kids a couple of books: a book about Spring, a counting book with frogs, a coloring book based on the best-selling book "The Joy of Sex", and an alphabet sing-a-long book. After using all the crayons from our 120 count box, I decided to take a look at the alphabet book.

I had the kids sit next to me, and I started to sing the alphabet song from memory (Pretty impressive, eh?): a b c d e f g h i j k lmnop q r s t u v w x y z. Andrew enjoyed the book so he asked me to sing the song several more times. The next time I sang, I slowed down when I hit the tongue twisting rap of the "lmnop" stretch.

I started to think to myself that the alphabet song is misguided because it doesn't give the same emphasis to each letter. Why do you need to have the "lmnop" letters rushed through? It even contains a vowel! If any part of the alphabet should be rushed through, it should be the "vwx" section. Let's take this sentence for example: His friend's lass is slick. If a child can't remember the "lmnop" letters, the sentence would become: His friend's ass is sick. I don't even want to think what would happen with this sentence: Fluck that sphit.

In other situations, you would never rush through something that needs to be memorized. What if you were on an airplane that was about to crash, and the pilot says over the speakers, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to make an emergency landing. I see no reason why we would not make a safe landing, but just in case there is a problem, the most important thing for you to do in order to survive this landing is to keepyourheadsbetweenyourkneesandkeepyourseatbeltonandafterwelandbesuretoexitimmediatelybutnotthereardoorbecausethereisahungrylionbackthere."

Until someone tells me of a new alphabet song, I will continue to use the standard old one and slow down when I hit the dreaded "lmnop" letters. I tried to explain to Lisa my problem with the song, but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I wrote down phonetically what she said and it came out like this: Scott, stop worrying and stop being the biggestdumbassknowntomankind. Anyone? Anybody?

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