Day 555 - Nailing the Problem

Tonight, I was reading the newspaper on the couch and giggling at the canine antics of Marmaduke.  I saw Lisa walk by and stop at the end of the sofa.  I peeked over the paper and Lisa was looking at my feet with disgust.  I found this unusual because she usually saves her disgusted face when she sees other parts of my body like my face, stomach, or ass.  I asked her what was wrong and she just pointed at my toes.

"Your...toenails...are...disgusting," Lisa said with...well...disgust.

I pulled my toes towards my face and what do you know?  Lisa was 100% correct.  My toenails were disgusting.  I tried to think back when I cut them last, and all I could recall was sitting in front of the television set cutting my nails during the finale of "Cheers."  As I continued to stare at my feet, random thoughts fluttered through my odd mind:  How have I been able to get my shoes on?  When I look at the bottom of my big toe, my toenail looks like one gigantic shovel.  Due to their length, could my toenails legally pass through the security checkpoint of an airport?

I have never been the greatest example for personal grooming, but I try to avoid having Lisa tell me I have long nostril hairs no more than twice a month.  Without totally using the kids as a scapegoat, I must say that having twins has made my grooming go down a few notches.  I don't shave as often, my shirts and pants are usually wrinkled, and my hair goes from combed to total rice bowl in a matter of hours.

Emma and Andrew are in this "kinda" stage in their lives.  They can kinda eat by themselves, but can't.  They can kinda communicate with you, but can't.  They can kinda play with each other, but can't.  And what I'm learning from this is that there is just less and less time for yourself.  You start to prioritize what you need to do with the few hours you have to yourself each day.  And obviously cutting your toenails is not high on my list.  It's actually right between nairing Lisa's thighs and wiping down the Diaper Champ.

I never thought Emma and Andrew could make my appearance any worse than it already is, but I guess they did.  I did promise Lisa that I would make time in my busy schedule to cut my toenails after my next shower.  Unfortunately my next shower isn't scheduled for May 17th.  Hope she can wait.