Saturday, October 29, 2011
Day 1467 - Those Crazy Japanese
Crazy Gaga occasionally sends the kids packages full of random gifts. As she once mentioned to Auntie Anne (pretzel maven), "If you want dah kids tah remembah you, den you give dem lots o lots o gifts!"
In this particular package, there were some new pajamas, some random toys that she picks up at either a toy store or a garage sale, and some snacks. I will clarify -- lest Crazy Gaga calls me up in a rant -- that when she purchases toys for the kids at garage sales, she always washes them before she sends them. I'll testify to that because when I open up the care packages, it usually smells like a weird mixture of old Japanese lady and bleach.
The snacks she sent the kids were these Japanese crackers shaped like animals. As with most Japanese packaging, the characters are super cute and random English words are typed on the front. In this case the word "BABY" is prominently displayed. I assume this either means these crackers are for babies or that we are actually eating babies made into crackers. You can never second guess those crazy Japanese, you know.
When you open up the bag, you have a bunch of different shaped crackers with the animal's name printed on it. For instance, here is a lion, hippo, and sheep:
Honestly, they all look alike to me. But then again, I'm Asian so what do I know what I'm talking about. I poured about half a dozen of these cookies in a little plastic bowl for the kids to munch on. And they really enjoyed asking me what word was on each of the crackers.
But then Emma got to a cracker that took me for a loop. It was this cracker:
That's right. It's a cock. Interestingly, this looked more like a cock that any of the other animals.
"Daddy, what does this say?" asked Emma.
"Err. Umm. It says chicken," I answered.
"How do you spell it?"
Emma thought. "That's too many letters!"
"Just put that chicken in your mouth," I muttered. Good thing I didn't say that other word.
I suppose I could've just told Emma what was written on the cracker because it isn't a bad word in this particular context, but I just had an awful feeling that this would lead to something uncomfortably dangerous. Can you imagine cute little Emma saying things like this...
"This cock sure is crunchy."
"Can I put this cock in my pocket for later?"
"One cock isn't enough!"
There's no reason to censor any of Crazy Gaga's Japanese snacks, but it just goes to show you how one's tainted adult mind can make an innocent cracker a symbol of debauchery. I will continue to give the kids these crackers and not make a big deal about how many cocks spill into their plastic bowls. But I may just have to double check this package that just arrived from Crazy Gaga. Has anyone ever heard of a Japanese snack called Baby Gummi Douche Balls?