Thursday, October 20, 2011
Day 1458 - Conversations with Andrew
It was another typical dinner at home full of spilling, throwing, yelling, and frustration; Norman Rockwell, this is not. Andrew was sitting awkwardly on his chair, so I asked him to demonstrate good manners. Andrew twisted his body around to sit, but as he was about to put his ass on the chair, something happened: Andrew farted.
It was not an ordinary fart. It was a succession of nuclear butt blasts. It was so powerful, the local news reported the tremor's epicenter as Andrew's sphincter. Accurate and troubling. It was time again to reinforce good manners with Andrew.
"Andrew, what do you say?" I asked.
Andrew said nothing.
"Andrew! You just did a gigantic toot. What do you say?"
Andrew just gave me a devilish grin.
I repeated myself over and over again, but Andrew continued to stare at me. I grew frustrated with him and commanded, "Why are you ignoring me and saying nothing at all?"
Andrew finally opened his mouth and said, "I cahn't tahlk because I have too much food in mah mouf!"