As I was driving the kids around town looking for the nearest strip club...err...strip mall, Emma noticed Christmas decorations on some buildings and asked what they were. Since the whole notion of Santa Claus seems to be so fleeting with kids, I decided to give Emma and Andrew an introductory rundown about Saint Nick.
I began by telling them there was a person named Santa Claus who lives at the North Pole. And once a year, he travels all around the world to deliver toys to all the good boys and girls. I emphasized to the kids for my own parental benefit that Santa Claus knows which boys and girls have been good and bad, and he only delivers toys to the good ones.
At this point, Andrew interrupted and said, "Emma no good."
Stunned, I said, "What?"
Andrew explained, "Emma no listen. She no listen to Mommy in bath." He was kinda right. The night before, Emma got in trouble with Lisa during bath time because she kept on pouring water out of the tub.
I tried to change the topic, but Andrew insisted on telling me why Emma was bad.
"Emma pour water. Keep on pour water and Mommy get MAD! Emma no listen. Emma bad," Andrew continued to explain possibly hoping ratting his sister would score him extra loot from Santa.
My attempt to create excitement about the holidays was deflating faster than my masculinity in a locker room. I couldn't tell if Emma felt bad because I was driving, but she was completely silent. I tried to make one last attempt to salvage this sled wreck.
"Emma, you're a good girl. I'm sure Santa will bring you plenty of toys for Christmas. And Andrew, you don't really think Emma is a bad girl, right?"
Without missing a beat, Andrew simply said, "Nope. Bad, bad, bad."
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