Day 1546 - And This Little Piggy Went...

I don't know if you get this from reading the blog, but I can occasionally be rather irritating and annoying with my sense of humor.  But to defend myself, I'm pretty good at knowing my audience which is a key component when making a rude joke.  Unfortunately, if you're part of my family that means I'll constantly pummel you with a joke because blood is always thicker than jokes.

To get to the point, Lisa picked up the kids today and had a story to tell me.  During story time at school, the teacher was telling the children the story of the Three Little Pigs.  And each time the teacher mentioned the piggies in the story, Andrew and Emma would shout out, "Mommy!"

So the teacher asked them, "Does your mommy read you this story at home?"

"No," answered Andrew and Emma.  "Mommy IS the piggy!"

Now those of you who may have forgotten, I jokingly referred to Lisa as a piggy when the kids were watching the song "Jolly Holiday" from the movie Mary Poppins.   You know, the scene when Bert and the barn animals are singing?  I suppose that really doesn't matter much when the kids have long associated a pig to their mommy...

Lisa had a discussion with the teacher about how I have engrained into Andrew's and Emma's heads that their mommy is a piggy.  I hope the talk went something like this:

LISA

My husband's so hysterical!  He has the kids calling me a piggy, and each time they do it makes me laugh ever so!  I know it's acceptable for them to call me a pig because I do not look anything like a pig.  Which makes it even MORE hysterical.

TEACHER

Oh, lucky wife of Scott Ichikawa.  How I envy you!

But I think the talk might've gone something like this:

LISA

That a$$hole best stop f*&(ing around with the kids.  If he makes them call me a motherf*&ing pig one more motherf*#&ing time, I'm going to take an apple and stuff it down his f*#^ing mouth until it comes out his sh*tty f&*k a$$hole!

TEACHER

F*&#, yes!

I guess I need to monitor what I say around the kids more, but thankfully, Lisa has been with me long enough that she has accepted my stupidity and jackassery.  I'll just have to sit the kids down and explain to them that it is unacceptable to call their mommy a pig at school...but at home feel free to tape as many curly, pink pipe cleaners to Mommy's ass to your heart's content!