Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Day 1476 - Stalling for Time

Although having your kids out of diapers is a great achievement, it does pose other problems.  First of all, accidents will happen.  Emma has been really good about being potty trained, but Andrew will still have an occasional accident, and he still wears overnight diapers at night.  Secondly, you force your children to go to the bathroom before leaving the house.  The problem with this is that if your kid doesn't have to go, the only thing that will be pissed is your kid and not the toilet.  Finally, when you're out and about, you always seem to be in a mad rush to find the public restroom.

This past weekend, we were at the Century City mall, and I was in a mad rush to find a bathroom for Andrew.  While browsing the Apple Store, I noticed Andrew kept on grabbing himself.  Either he had to go to the bathroom or he was really turned on by the iPhone 4S.  I picked him up and walked off to the nearest restroom.

When we walked into the bathroom, it smelled something awful.  The last time I smelled something so gnarly was underneath our bedroom sheets after an unfortunate Baja Fresh excursion.  I walked Andrew to the nearest urinal, but Andrew was hesitating.

"Andrew, what's wrong?" I asked.

"It's too smelly in here," he said.

I couldn't argue with him, but I had to make him pee.  "Just go pee-pee, and then we can get out."

"NO!  IT'S TOO SMELLY!"  To stress his point, he stuck two fingers up his nose.

As I pulled out Andrew's fingers, I pulled down his pants and asked him to pee.  Although Andrew agreed to pee, he still wanted to express how unhappy he was about this public bathroom.

"IT SMELLS LIKE POO-POO!  I DON'T LIKE IT!" Andrew screamed.

Andrew was about finished peeing, but I continued to try and calm him down.  "Andrew, I understand that it smells like stinky poo-poo in here.  But sometimes people do stinky poo-poos.  The faster you finish going pee-pee, the faster we can get out of this stinky poo-poo room."

And imagine my embarrassment when I heard a flush and the bathroom stall opened:  the Stinky Poo-Poo Man revealed himself.  I didn't have the nerve to make eye contact with Stinky Poo-Poo Man.  Although Andrew finished peeing, we stood next to the urinal until Stinky Poo-Poo Man left the restroom.

As Andrew and I washed our hands and exited the restroom, I think we were both relieved for this restroom experience to be over with.  Andrew was glad to breathe fresh air, and I was glad I didn't have to utter the words "stinky poo-poo" in public again.  And if Stinky Poo-Poo Man is out there reading this blog, may I please suggest more fluids and chlorophyll tablets in your diet?

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