What's crazier than the Sarah Palin documentary The Undefeated grossing less than $75,000 during its opening weekend? Why it's no other than...Crazy Grandma Ichikawa Storytime!
Since my father and I both use AT&T for our cell service, I always call my parents with my cell phone. Although the obvious benefit is that the long distance phone call is free and I'm able to use the saved money towards whiskey and porn, there is one big disadvantage: clarity.
I was talking to Crazy Grandma on the phone and was recounting a story about how Emma has had some peeing accidents at home.
"For some reason," I said. "Emma has been having a lot of peeing accidents."
"Oh dat good," responded Crazy Grandma.
"That's good?" I asked. "Why is that good?"
"Because her new teeth ah going ta come in," answered Crazy Grandma.
"What are you talking about? I said Emma is peeing!" I tried to clarify.
"You try ice?" suggested Crazy Grandma.
"Why should I give her ice when she pees?"
"If new teeth come in, she probabee not too comfourtable," explained Crazy.
"Peeing! Peeing" I shouted.
"Teething?" she said.
"No! I said Emma is peeing a lot!"
"Dat why I said to give her ice!"
"Not teeeeething! PEEING!"
Crazy Grandma was silent for a few seconds, and then whispered, "That's good."
"You don't understand me, do you?" I scowled.
"I understand yu. Don't shout at me! All kid go through same ting. Dey all teethe!" shouted Crazy.
"PEE! PEE! PEE!"
"TEETHE! TEETHE!" echoed Crazy.
"LISTEN! P! E! E! EMMA IS HAVING PEEING ACCIDENTS! PISS! URINE! PEE!" I screamed.
"Oooh. Pee!" Crazy Grandma finally understood me. "Den don't give her ice. Might make her pee more."
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