Sunday, June 26, 2011

Day 1354 - Crappy Timing

Despite my relatively long days at work, I am thankful that if I am a little late there is not any negative repercussions.  I hope there is the assumed understanding that getting twins ready for preschool can occasionally make you late.  Or people have realized I am useless at work and being late for work does not matter one or the other.

I really hope it is the former...

Recently, I have been arriving to work later than usual because of one thing:  assholes.  No, no.  I'm not talking about myself in the third person.  I'm talking about the kids having their bowel movements scheduled just before we have to leave for preschool.

It has become a very common occurrence that just as everyone is ready to get into the car, one of the kids say, "I have to go poop."  I ask if they could hold it until we get to preschool, and then I get a panicked look and clinched sphincter with a desperate, "!"

And of course after I put them on the toilet, I get the usual poopy requests:  "I want a book!" or "I want a toy!" or "I got poopy on my hand!"

It gets especially bad when both kids have to poop at the same time because I usually have the first kid in the downstairs bathroom so I have to rush the other kid to an upstairs bathroom.  I wonder how comically pathetic it must look to see me exasperated and rushing up and down the stairs trying to manage poopy requests and butt wipes.  Perhaps it could be some sort of PBS miniseries called Upstairs Poop, Downstairs Poop.

I am not too sure if there's anything I can do about this predicament.  I do recall our pediatrician telling us that too bananas are binding and can cause constipation.  But I can't imagine doing that to the kid.  Besides, how could I explain to their teachers why they have a banana hanging out of their butt?

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