Thursday, June 3, 2010

Day 968 - Is That All You Got?

I feel as if we have a reached a point in parenthood in which very little phases us. Lisa and I were talking about our day over dinner, and she began to tell me a story about Andrew. Andrew was a little constipated, but he eventually emptied his dump truck and all was well with his intestinal tract.

As Lisa was cleaning up the living room, she noticed a small trail of little brown M&Ms. But these M&Ms were the ones that you would not want to melt in your mouth or your hands unless you have some sort of fetish with feces. That's right. Lisa did not notice that somehow, Andrew left a track of little constipated, concentrated ka-ka balls all over the living room.

My reaction to that was, "Oh. Were you able to clean everything up?"

"Yah. I just sprayed a little carpet cleaner on the floor and wiped it," said Lisa.

"That's good," I responded as I continued to eat my spaghetti and meatballs.

Now, if we didn't have kids and Lisa told me this same story, I think my reaction would've been more along the lines of, "What the f*&^? That's is the most disgusting story I've ever heard! How the f&*@ does s*(t fall out of a kid's diaper? That's f#&(ed up parenting! And why are you telling me this over dinner? That's especially f&*(ed up! I'm outta here!"

But after two and a half years of dealing with pee, poop, boogers, rashes, blood, pus, and other human liquids that you may find in any local hospital or dark alley, Lisa and I have truly gotten to the point where very little disgusts us. After being sprayed with poop or pee by your child, little poop balls on the floor is amateur hour.

At this point, my standard reaction to these stories is laughter. You laugh at it because there's really no other reaction that is suitable; if you can't laugh at it, you're going to drive yourself crazy. Although I still find it very difficult to find any humor in the kids calling me Poo-Poo Daddy. Seriously. What's so funny about being called something that comes out of an ass?

Excuse me while I wipe away a pathetic tear from my face...