Sunday, November 18, 2007

Day 58 - Diaper Another Day

We're by no means experts at changing diapers, and from what our friends tell us it will get way more odorific when the kids start to eat solid foods. But I thought since my blog tends to be poop-centric, why not devote a small portion of bandwidth to the discussion of diapers.

On their own, diapers aren't anything to be afraid of. Out of the box, they smell really fresh and have cute little cartoon characters smiling and waving at you. But don't be fooled by that smiling Elmo fool because once wet and soiled, diapers will slowly invade your life and everything you learned about not touching poop and pee is turned inside out.

My entire life I have been taught to stay away from poop and pee. If poop was your friend, there would be no need for toilet paper. All you'd need is ten fingers and a bar of soap. You're reminded to wash your hands after using the bathroom by your parents, your teachers, and restaurant restrooms signs in Spanish. But when you become a parent, you learn pretty fast that urine and excrement become second nature to your skin like soap and gravy (Yes, I enjoy drinking gravy with my hands. Don't judge me.).

First of all, you have the choice of cloth and disposable diapers. Cloth diapers are suppose to be fairly comfortable and come in a variety of sizes and cuts. But I told my mom I don't care if she does wear cloth diapers because there's no way we're going to wash 16-20 diapers a day. You could also use a diaper service, but that can get pretty expensive. Also cloth diapers are better for the environment, but I don't see Mother Earth changing diapers with her twins, so screw that. So we chose disposable diapers over cloth for three reasons: 1. Convenience 2. Cost 3. We support the use of landfills.

We've used three brands of diapers so far: Pampers, Huggies, and Luvs. I must say that we did not love Luvs. Despite the awfully cute Blue Clues paw prints kindly leading us to the foul butt present left by our children, the diapers didn't wrap easily around the kids because the edges didn't fit the contours of the booty and the thighs. We were both pretty happy with Pampers and Huggies, but I think we'd give the edge to Pampers. It might be because we've used them the most, but they just seem to fit better than any other brand we've used so far. And a word of caution, never use thongs.

When changing a diaper, our biggest tip is to not rush and change them right away. Give yourself a good couple of minutes or else you may find yourself playing Slip N Slide on your floor with a slick of poop. We have also triple layered our changing table: a fitted cover over the changing table mattress, a large cover pad, and a small cover pad. Maybe we're over doing it a bit, but each time we've had a surprise visit from Auntie Anus we added another layer to our changing table.

When wiping, we just used small gauze pads dipped in warm water to clean the kids the first few weeks they were home. I know some other parents who used soft paper towels dipped in warm water. I also heard of some alcoholics who used french toast dipped in warm bourbon, but I digress. Currently, we use baby wipes bought from Costco. As for a baby wipe warmer, we have one but have never used it because there wasn't a convenient power outlet and I was too lazy to get an extension cord. I can't say whether or not a warmer would make a difference, but our kids don't seem to be awaken any more or less...because THEY'RE CRYING ALREADY.

The two differences between wiping a baby boy and a girl is the vagina and the penis and balls. Oh wait...that would make it three differences...or is it four? Anyhoo, a girl tends to have a lot more folds and crevices to clean. Also, I never knew you had to wipe from front to back on a girl; you don't want to do it the other way cause you could get butt stuff dirtying up the vah-jay-jay. With the boy, you just want to make sure when you take the diaper off you have a small wash cloth or another diaper nearby just in case he decides to water gun you down.

Disposing of the dirty diapers gives you several choices. I believe the two main diaper trash cans are the Diaper Genie and the Diaper Champ. The Diaper Genie uses a special trash bag cartridge that eventually makes your diaper waste look like a chain of sausages. The Diaper Champ uses any type of garbage bag to toss your diapers away. We have the Diaper Champ because we didn't want to pay the premium of buying special trash bag cartridges. I do hear that the Diaper Genie does a better job at keeping the smell away, but the only time the Diaper Champ smells is when you open it up to tie up the trash bag. What we've done is tossed a couple of Bounce fabric softener at the bottom of the Diaper Champ to soften the nasal blow.

All in all, diapers aren't a pleasant part of parenthood, but you get used to it. I suppose this simple annoyance helps prepare you for future issues like drug use and STDs. I miss diapers already.

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