Friday, August 10, 2007

Week 30 - Grapes of Wrath


First of all, I think Lisa has had a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy so far. Yes, I know she has those hugemoninormous cankles, but if you look at her from the knees up, she looks like a very healthy pregnant woman. Butt (pun intended), if you were able to see the inside of her, specifically the poop chute, you would notice her anus nurturing a painful crop of hemorrhoids.

According to Wikipedia, hemorrhoids are varicosities or swelling and inflammation of veins in the rectum and anus. According to Lisa, "I have 3 grapes in my butt." Hemorrhoids are quite common in pregnancy. There's greater pressure in the pelvic area as well as more hormones in the body which could increase the chances of swelling around the "One-Way-Traffic-Please" hole.

There doesn't seem to be too much to do to make Lisa's butt vineyard go away; all she can do is make the experience more comfortable. Lisa has been lying on her side more often and taking baking soda baths. She said she bought some witch hazel which is suppose to make the 'rhoids less painful. When Lisa first told me about witch hazel, for some reason an image of Broom Hilda with a case of hemorrhoids popped into my head. Why Broom Hilda never got it on with that buzzard still puzzles me...

At the end of the day, if the worst thing about Lisa's pregnancy is fresh produce in her ass, we both agree that's not too bad at all. Me personally, the worst thing would be over-sized ankles, but let's not tell Lisa I said that.

4 comments:

maureen said...

When I have hemorrhoids, I just put cucumber slices on them and the swelling goes down within the hour.

maureen said...

Crap, can everyone read my post? I thought it would only go to Lisa and Scott.

anne said...
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mynameisanne said...

i heard a popsicle works well, or maybe a fudgesicle would be more appropriate in this case...