Day 57 - Poll Results and New Poll

Last week's poll regarding how many diapers we went through in one week was a tie between 112 and 134 soiled, wet diapers. The correct answer is...dung roll please (phbbbbbbbbbbbt): 134!

On average, we have been going through 8-10 diapers per kid per day. In related news, we have been going through 1-2 poop-projectile stained shirts per parent per week.

For this week's poll we would like you to help us decide what holiday movie to see this season. Before the kids came, Lisa and I would literally see one movie a week. Since the kids arrived, we're lucky if we can get through Fritz Coleman's weather forecast without interruption.

So here are five choices! Choose wisely...



































































CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR

Day 56 - That Looks Familiar

It has become a regular routine to cater our fussy little George Costanza by carrying and swaying her from room to room. When she begins to calm down and gives us the look of "serenity now", we make our way to the crib ready to drop and release.

Today as I was standing next to the crib, our little Costanza stared at the ceiling right beyond my shoulder. She was very calm and began to make little fish lips by puckering. It was quite cute -- even by Jason Alexander standards.

Curious to see what she was staring at, I turned my head and saw our ceiling light which looks like this:


Sadly, I too began to pucker my lips reminiscing the days before the twins.

I have a couple of posts and pictures almost ready to post this weekend, but let me leave you with a Grandma Ichikawa story.

My mom has very sensitive skin and is allergic to a lot of different types of detergents and lotions. When she comes to stay with us, she needs to use specific brands of soaps and cleaning liquids around the place. And bizarrely enough, her excessive use of bleaches and clorox over the years has caused her fingerprints to disappear.

Grandma Ichikawa reminded Lisa of her condition by telling her, "My eczema is very bad on my hands. So bad that I no have fingerprints on my fingers. So you know what that means? I could kill you and nobody would ever find out." And she punctuates this last sentence with a lame karate chop in the air.

All I will add to the defense of my mom is that Lisa's mom packs heat and sleeps with a machete she calls Mr. Sexy.

Day 53 - Photo Mania

Here are some pictures from the past week:

"Ready to hit the town. Dress, check. Purse, check. What else am I missing? Oh yes..."

"Come to mama, sweet nectar of life."

"Shuuudup! i dient drink tooo much. look at meee...mini madonna (hic!)."

"Interesting. The title suggests the wine press oppression of the Dust Bowl begets wrath, but also the deliverance of the working class through their cooperation. Oh, and I also pooped my pants."

"You smile and talk to me as if I can understand you, silly woman."

"This is definitely a male giraffe."

"How about a little Andrew lovin'?"

SLAP!

"My cheeks are not to be used as airbags."

Day 52 - Family Business

The past weekend was a revolving door of family. Last Friday (which marked Week 7 for the kids), Susan (Lisa's sister) and Jamie (Susan's daughter) flew down from Santa Clara to visit us and Mama Ichinaga. On Saturday, Susan's son, Kevin, drove from Ridgecrest with his fiancee, Shelvey, to visit us and Susan and Jamie and Mama Ichinaga. And on Sunday, Susan, Jamie, and Mama Ichinaga flew back to Santa Clara while Mama & Papa Ichikawa flew down to stay with us for the next few weeks. And what does this mean for you? A handful of family stories!!!

STORY ONE
Since Susan always does so much for us (You hear that Auntie Anne? A bagful of pretzels ain't gonna cut it.), Lisa and I decided we would like to treat everyone out for breakfast. For you non-Asians out there, paying the restaurant bill is a very physical and mental act. I have had many a meals in which my aunts and uncles connived, tackled and in one instance maimed for the tab. With that in mind, after we ordered our breakfast it was Susan, Lisa, and myself in front of the cashier. Susan reached for her purse; I reached for my purse. Before the cashier could tell us the total, I pulled out my credit card. Susan pushed me aside and pulled out her credit card. I told Susan we wanted to pay, but she ignored me and took my Visa. I tried to get it back, but Susan's vice like grip surprised me. I then searched my purse for another credit card; I found a Mastercard behind my Forever 21 Frequent Buyer card. But Susan shoved me aside and told the cashier, "They're on a fixed income! They're on a fixed income!" Not too sure what to say after that, I regressed to my standard comeback: I no speaka Engrish.

STORY TWO
As I was driving Lisa's family to the airport, Jamie asked if we could swing by Coffee Bean for drinks. I said sure. Then a few seconds later, Mama Ichinaga quietly says, "Why do you want to get coffee beans for? Are you going to get them ground?"

STORY THREE
Yesterday, Lisa decided to experiment and see how the kids would react to only breast feeding and no formula. Unfortunately, yesterday was also the first day my mom returned. Seeing the kids were a bit fussy, she kept on pleading to Lisa in her passive-aggressive way to feed the kids some formula. She did not do this only once, but did it again and again and again...

3:40pm -- "You so fussy because mommy don't want to feed you!"
4:55pm -- "Look how sad you are. I would give you bottle but mommy says no."
5:35pm -- "Please don't cry because you are starving."
6:15pm -- "Emma seem so much lighter because you are not feeding her."
7:48pm -- "I can't say anything else or else mommy may bitchslap me again."

STORY FOUR
Sometimes there are times when I clearly realize I get my odd sense of humor from my mom. Emma has been going through this phase for the past week or so where she needs to be held or cradled in order to calm down or sleep. Today, Lisa witnessed my mom taking care of Emma saying things that...well...I would say.

Grandma Ichikawa would hold Emma and say, "Hi Emmmmah. Hi Emmmah. I'mgoingtodropyou! Juuuuust jokey!"

Or my mom would put Emma down in her crib to see whether or not she would fall asleep. Inevitably, Emma would start to cry. And thus began a fake out game between Grandma and Emma. My mom would say, "Okokok. Let me pick you up." She would proceed to grab Emma's arms, but would then drop them and say, "I no pick you up!" This would go on several times until my mom grew tired of this joke. She then went into her bedroom and did this same joke to my sleeping dad.

Tomorrow I'll post some pictures! I promise...

Day 47 - Poll Results, New Poll, and Pictures!

"Moops!" "Serenity now!" "Hi, I'm Emma. I'm unemployed and live with my parents."

That's right. 62% of you selected George Costanza as the fictional person whom Emma most resembles. I don't know which one of you thought she looked like The Swedish Chef, but what's wrong with you?

This week's poll simply asks how many diapers did we go through last week? How many soiled diapers...how many wet, soiled diapers...how many leaky, wet, soiled diapers. Need I go on before I hang myself with a sausage-like tied strand of Diaper Genie waste?

Hopefully by this weekend I'll post the entry about breast feeding. I love talking about boobies (since I can't touch them anymore)! Also if any of you have any questions about twins or just being new parents, feel free to leave a comment or e-mail me (sichikawa@gmail.com). What was just a little blog for our family has just reached over 3000 hits! If I can just get one more hit than the day before...Let's do it for Jerry's Kids! Hey-ho!!!

And now some pictures...

"If you take one more picture, I'll hit you so hard you'll wish you were in labor again."

"Princess! Not Princes!"

"Why won't these damn things open?"

"...not comfortable, Andrew..."

"NOT F*^@ING COMFORTABLE, ANDREW!"

Day 45 - WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

We've hit a rough spot the past week with a lot of fussiness and crying. The past five weeks had their share of tears, but just recently the kiddies have become a lot more temperamental. For instance, we used to leave their soiled diapers on their rash-infested butts for a good 12-14 hours without a whimper, but now if we don't change them immediately it becomes a big old baby whine fest. I say if you don't have the ability to wipe yourself that's your own fault.

Although our experience with babies are only with twins (my child with Nancy McKeon does not count because DNA tests are still inconclusive), I can tell you this much: stereo sound is overrated. Having one child being fussy can be pretty annoying at night; having two children being fussy is down right nasty. I'm not talking Destiny's Child "Nasty Girl", but Britney Spears-having-sex-with-eyes-in-his-hand-Pan's Labyrinth-dude nasty.

Every baby is obviously different, but I thought I would share my opinion on what tends to shut your babies up.


Balance Ball: What this takes place of is walking and cradling your baby in your arms. You sit your tushy on the ball and just start bouncing up and down. It's amazing how quickly our babies settle down after a few minutes. It's like baby crack.





Bouncer chairs: I have to admit the bouncer chair hasn't been a big hit with the kids yet. The few times we have tried it, the kids would get restless after five minutes or so. It doesn't swing, but it plays music and vibrates -- kinda like the present I bought Lisa last year for our anniversary. The vibration isn't very strong, but maybe it's because it only take 4 C batteries; as for the chair, it takes 4 D batteries.








Swing: Now this is probably the second most effective calming device next to the crackball. This model swings front to back or side to side; it plays music and nature sounds; there's a revolving mobile above the seat; and the only lead paint is on top of the swing where babies can't touch in the first place.






Swaddling blanket: This particular blanket is called the Miracle Blanket. A normal blanket will do just fine, but we got these as a gift and are pretty nice. You pop your baby's legs into that pouch, wrap their arms with the inside flaps, and then you take the long part of the blanket and twirl it around tightly several times. And please do not be confused like we were and put the baby's head in the pouch. I think it's hard to breathe.


Car ride: It's amazing how quickly the kids will fall asleep in their car seat. Just a few minutes on the road will bring the sweet gift of silence to your ears. Initially I thought the kids enjoyed the smell of the car so I piped the fumes inside, but funnily, we all fell asleep and found ourselves in Carlsbad. How crazy is that?



There are also a few things we tried that I would not suggest:


Muzzle: It isn't so much I wouldn't suggest using muzzles, but it's just really hard to find them small enough for a baby's head. Please let me know if you find them anywhere.













Duct tape: You'd think something as versatile as duct tape would keep a baby calm, but you'd be wrong. We tried duct taping everything a baby would love to hold: pacifiers, bottles, rattles, a puppy. But none of them would calm the kids down.





A dark closet: It's dark, it's quiet, it's private. But babies hate being locked in a closet. Although it does work the other way around if you lock yourself in the closet while the kids are crying elsewhere in the house.

Day 43 - Lisa's Birthday & Crazy Mothers

Yesterday was the beginning of Week 6 for Andrew and Emma. It felt like it was Week 5 a few days ago. How time flies at a correct speed occasionally.

Last weekend we celebrated Week 1,924 for Lisa. It was her birthday a few weeks ago, and we had a few of our close friends over for dinner. Lisa is a very big supporter of birthdays. She's the type who will repeatedly say "It's almost my birthday!" even though it may be eight months away. The night before her actual birthday I asked her if she was excited. Surprisingly she said she was not. I told her I was confused.

Lisa explained, "It's just different this year. Things aren't about us anymore, it's about the kids. We've had enough years together to have fun so I'm not sad. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Just different."

I didn't have the heart to tell her I was actually confused because my wi-fi connection on my laptop wasn't working, but I just nodded and gave her a hug although I wasn't listening to her.

And as most of you know, our parents have been taking turns staying with us at our place. Currently, we have Lisa's mom here. I have become the scapegoat for Mama Ichinaga's behavior. If she says a bad joke, she will say, "I've been around Scott too much!" If she says a sarcastic remark, she will say, "I've been around Scott too much!" If she smokes weed and beds a transvestite, she will say, "I've been around Scott too much!"

When we went out to dinner with a handful of Lisa's aunts and uncles, we entered this huge elevator in the parking garage. A running joke I have about Emma is that she's a fatty. As we waited for our floor, Mama Ichinaga commented, "Oh my! This elevator is so large it can even fit Emma!" An Emma fat joke! I guess I really am rubbing off on Mama Ichinaga. I'm so proud of her.

As for Mama Ichikawa, I sent her this picture of Andrew and Emma today via e-mail:


In return, I received this picture of my mother:


I'm not too sure what my mom is doing, but I think this holiday season we'll be visiting her back in rehab again.

Happy Birthday Mom!