Saturday, January 1, 2011

Day 1179 - New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year! I hope all of you people who don't have kids had a fun and safe night. And those with kids, I did the exact same thing that you did: recorded Dick Clark, went to bed at 10p, and woke up to the human alarm clock of screaming kids at 7am.

Many people love ushering in the new year because it allows them to make resolutions. I'm not one for yearly resolutions. I'm a bit of an underachiever so I usually do resolutions each decade. This past decade I only achieved three of my goals: have kids, get a house, and buy Shakespeare in Love on DVD.

I want to welcome the year with some parenting goals of my own. Here are my top ten parenting resolutions for 2011:

10) Do not give in when the kids ask to watch the Saw movies.
9) IV tubes are not a good alternative for breakfast.
8) Read something to the kids every day even if it is a Maxim magazine or the liner notes to Jessica Biel's Buns of Bronze DVD.
7) No longer will I compare the achievements of one child over another...although the college savings fund is skewed towards one kid, if you get my drift.
6) Desserts will be served with a side of children's Lipitor.
5) Television and video games will be rationed throughout the day from only 8a-11:30a and 12p-7:30p.
4) I must refrain from threats that I can't carry out such as "If you don't finish your vegetables, I'm going to shoot that bitch, Ni Hao Kailan."
3) Stop using the word "bitch."
2) Encourage independent thinking, but only if the ideas come from me.
1) Remind the kids that Daddy and Mommy will always love them, and even more when they are sober.

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