Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Week 36 - Young and Carefree

I was talking to a friend who has been reading this blog. He commented how he finds it interesting because I tend to talk about the seedier side of pregnancy with all of its biological messes. Then he goes, "Does your wife know you write about this kind of stuff?"

Absolutely, she knows I write about this stuff! And as a matter of fact, sometimes she even flames the fuel...just like now.

We were sitting on the sofa the other day watching a bit of Tivo and she goes, "I have something to tell you that I think you'll find fascinating."

I thought she was going to tell me another Baby Story episode because she watches them every day now. When I ask her the generic "What did you do today?" she answers with the now generic "On A Baby Story today..."

Lisa explained how on top of peeing more often, it has come to the point where she has very little control of her...umm...stream of consciousness. Even the short distance from our bed to the bathroom is far enough for her to leave a trail so she can find her way back.

Because of her leaky pipes, she asked me to buy a box of panty liners at the grocery store. With a $2 coupon in hand, I went to Ralphs to seek her coveted leak savior. All these years with Lisa, I have never been embarrassed to purchase feminine hygiene products. I'm only embarrassed when people find out I enjoy wearing them.

I did purchase panty liners once at Costco. It wasn't too difficult to find; they were in between the maxipad display and the bruschetta sample table (don't get those two confused!). But my trip to Ralphs was a little overwhelming. I never knew there were so many choices of vagina socks! Regular, long, short, extra coverage, chlorine free, lavender scented, ultra coverage, unscented, thong-style, wings, no wings, breathable. The list goes on and on. And to my surprise there are even reusable panty liners. No joke!

I found myself fumbling from box to box trying to figure out which one would be the best for Lisa. Would I be insinuating that Lisa was too leaky if I bought the extra coverage liners? Or would she be insulted if I got her the long pad implying that her vagina is vertically inclined? I took the safe route and purchased two boxes of regular panty liners.

Walking back from the store, I began to think how great Lisa is doing and how our lives will change with the birth of our kids. I opened the front door and saw Lisa getting up from the sofa. I put down the groceries and gave her a hug. And in return, Lisa smiled back and peed on my feet.

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