Day 1310 - Conversations with Emma & Andrew

We were all in the car driving down the boulevard when we came to a stop.  I remarked about this fairly new bakery called Nothing Bundt Cakes.  Previously, there were a series of other eateries that Lisa and I used to frequent in that very same shop:  Ain't That the Shitake, Don't Give a Crepe, and Poopourri.  Obviously, the rate of success in this complex is not very high -- disregarding the bad puns and obsession with the ass area.

I remarked to Lisa that I bet the bundt cake bakery would be gone in a matter of months.  This simple comment set off a whirlwind of conversation in the car.

"Butt cake?" remarked Andrew.

"No, no.  It's called a bundt cake," I said.

"Butt cake?  That's a stinky cake!" said Emma.

"I know it sounds like butt, but it's called bundt," I repeated.

"Butt cake!  Butt cake!' screamed Andrew and Emma.

"Andrew.  Do you want some of my butt cake?" asked Emma.

"There poopy in it!" commented Andrew.

"Please stop saying that!  Don't keep on saying butt and poopy!" I demanded.

"Emma.  Do you want some butt poopy cake?" asked Andrew.

"Butt poopy cake?  That's yucky!  Butt poopy cake!" said Emma.

I tried to distract the kids by running over a bicyclist, but not even the bloodied windshield and shrieks of pain could stop their manic laughter over butts and poop.

"BUTT POOP CAKE!  BUTTY POOPY CAKE!" they screamed.

As I slouched in my seat, Lisa turned towards me and said, "I wonder where they got their sense of humor, dumbass?"

Day 1308 - Conversations with Emma

Just before bed, I yelled at Emma.  She was at the top of the stairs trying to open the safety gate.  It's one of those gates that you have to lift up in order to swing open.  But Emma was just yanking it open without lifting it up.  And that was really ridiculous because right on the gate was a sticker that read "Ascendance apparatus instrumentation."  Duh!

But I felt like a fool because Emma made a pouty face and her eyes welled up with tears.  So after pointing to the "Ascendance apparatus instrumentation" sticker and saying, "Duh!" one more time, I apologized and gave Emma a big hug.

The rest of the night, I tried to be more attentive and aware of Emma's emotional state.  As I tucked her into bed, I attempted to cure my guilt.

"Emma, guess what?" I asked.

"What?" she answered.

"I love you so much!" I said.

"I love you so much too," she replied.

"And you know what else?" I asked.

"What?" Emma asked.

"You make me so happy!" I exclaimed.

"You make me so happy, too..." Emma said.  But after a pause, she continued, "...except when you make me angry and sad."

Day 1306 - Happy Not Me Day

Today, we celebrate the millions of vaginas throughout the world that gave birth to us and our children.  Oddly, they don't call it Happy Vagina Day -- which is occasionally mistaken with V-Day.  Although I do agree Mother's Day makes a better Hallmark card.

Every year, I try to make Mother's Day a relaxing day for Lisa.  The day started off with a delicious breakfast of french toast, eggs, and fresh fruit.  After I finished eating, I asked Lisa what she wanted to eat, but she was too busy doing the dishes.

We then all got into the car and took an afternoon trip to the Farmer's Market and the Grove.  The kids love running around the Grove and watching the water fountains dance.  I love browsing through the Apple Store and Barnes & Nobles.  And I wasn't too sure what Lisa was going to do because she was still circling the parking structure for a space.

When we returned home, it was time for a nap.  I must've been really tired because when I got out of bed, Lisa said I was asleep for two hours.  I figured as much because the living room was a mess of scattered toys and dried playdoh.  I felt sorry for Lisa since that was going to be a major clean up job for her.

After dinner, we were going to open presents.  But that was delayed a bit since Lisa broke a couple of dishes as she was placing them into the dishwasher.  Thankfully, vacuuming and Swiffing the kitchen floor only took an extra fifteen minutes on top of Swiffing the entire living room; I told Lisa she might as well do the entire house while she was at it.

This year we gave Lisa a picture frame with a family portrait, a pair of earrings, and a pancake pan.  The best thing about the pancake pan was the shape.  You see, the kids still call Lisa a Piggy Mommy because of the "Jolly Holiday" song in Mary Poppins.  So I found a pancake pan that was in the shape of a pig!

Somehow as we were all laughing about the pancake pan, I blacked out.  Lisa said she accidentally dropped the pan on my head nine times in a row.  After I came to, the kids and I wished Lisa a wonderful Mother's Day one more time before the gurney took me to the ambulance where I received thirty-two stitches.  This will certainly be a Mother's Day to remember!

Day 1304 - Picture Friday

Amazing what one blow dryer and six cans of hair spray can do.

Andrew shows us how clean his teeth are after chewing on several bars of soap.

Seven seconds after this photo was taken, Emma found out that playdoh does not taste like ice cream.

It's all fun and games until the car on top of your head pees oil.

Have a great weekend!

Day 1303 - Lego, Speed Racer, Go!

One of the Legoland highlights for the kids was driving a car all by themselves.  That's right...all by...themselves!  Forget the stereotype of careless Asian drivers.  What you should actually be worried about is careless Asian toddler drivers.  They can't see over the dashboard, and they're too busy playing with their iPhones.

As a car affectionado, imagine Andrew's thrill when we told him he would be able to get behind the wheel of a car -- albeit a Lego car -- and drive by himself.  He was beside himself (and in a way he was because he's a twin...).

The ride itself was very simple:  a generic oval track with six electric Lego cars.  After strapping themselves in, each driver was able to step on their pedal to scoot around the track at a speed that Crazy Grandma would consider dangerous:  less than 1 mile per hour.  And the cutest part is that after the ride is over, everyone applauds for the kids for doing such a great job.  Applause that would later cause tears in every toddler when they realize they would not be able to drive an actual car for another eleven to thirteen years.  Thanks a lot, Legoland.

Andrew wanted to be super careful when he was driving.  He mentioned to me that he did not want to bump anyone because that is a bad thing to do.  So imagine his surprise when he was bumped by another driver.  Thankfully, we took a video of this incident and was able to identify the culprit.

Day 1301 - Quote of the Day

Day 1299 - Legoland

Yesterday, we took the kids to Legoland for the first time.  Since you can easily do a search of Legoland and find all of the reviews and minutiae of the theme park, I thought I would just quickly do an experiential summary of our day with blocks.

Lisa and I decided at the last minute to take this trip to Legoland since almost all of our weekends in May were booked.  I remember when I was a kid, and my parents would take me on surprise trips to all of the wonderful places in Sacramento like the Capitol, Sutter's Fort, the Capitol, farm land, and the Capitol.  So I thought it would be fun if we didn't tell Emma and Andrew where we were going.

The kids kept on asking us where we were going, but we told them it was going to be a surprise.  Unfortunately, there was a misunderstanding halfway through the trip because we had to drive through Anaheim.  As Emma and Andrew recognized some of the surroundings, they began to think that we were going to go to Disneyland.  I had to put that idea to rest, so I quickly told them, "Mickey Mouse died of leukemia."  After ten minutes of confused tears, they accepted they were not going to Disneyland.

When we finally arrived at Legoland, the kids were extremely excited.  As I glanced at the park map, all of the stuff for the younger kids were towards the left, and the stuff for the older kids were towards the right.  And smack in the center of the park -- the area I was looking forward to -- was MiniLand:  a collection of gigantic Lego recreations of cities across the USA and (drumroll) STAR WARS SCENES!!!  May the geek be with you!

We only went on a handful of rides, but the one thing they all had in common was short lines with long wait times.  I attribute this to the young age of the riders.  It's hard enough to wrangle three year olds at home, so imagine the difficulty of wrangling them at a theme park.  I saw many an empty ride vehicles pass my impatient eyes because of unfocused toddlers unable to quickly enter a moving seat.  I screamed at an inattentive parent, "If they can put monkeys in space, you can put that hairy kid of yours in that ride bucket!" 

What the kids really enjoyed were the many play areas.  There were air conditioned rooms where you could play with Legos, and many outdoor play areas with slides, swings, and colorful houses.  All I could think as I saw the wide smiles on the kids was, "I paid $300 for this when I could've taken them to a park?  F me!"

Something I must commend Legoland for were the healthier food choices at their dining areas.  There were plenty of generic theme park food like pizza and burgers, but there were also salad bars, fresh fruit cups, and other healthy alternatives.  Unfortunately, the chicken stir-fry I had for lunch stir-fried my stomach enough where the maintenance crew had to stir-clean a toilet.

At the end of the day, we took a leisurely stroll through MiniLand.  It was an open area where Las Vegas, Washington D.C., New York, Southern California, and New Orleans were recreated entirely out of Legos.  They were all wittily realized with style and visual gags.  But more important than US cities, the new addition were the recreations of Naboo, Geonosis, Kashyyk, Mustafar, Tatooine, Hoth, and Endor.  And if you don't know what those are, I will hide my geekiness by telling you they are individuals on the FBI's most wanted list.

Overall, we had a nice time at Legoland.  The kids were still a little young to take full advantage of everything the park had to offer, but it was a great way to spend seven hours.  I do think it's a little pricey when you compare it to other parks like Disneyland, but there are enough coupons and discounts out there to comfort your wallet.


The only bad experience we had at the park was when the kids freaked out at the Lego 3d movie.  But when we got home, they wanted to play with their Legos right away; I'd say that's a pretty big endorsement of the theme park.  Although Lisa and the kids got mad at me when I tried to recreate the 3d movie by throwing Legos at their face.  That alone was worth the admission of the park!