Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Day 1585 - Once Upon A Time...

Every night, I tell the kids a story in bed.  It's a little bit like improv because I ask for suggestions and ideas from the kids, and then I just make something up.  There has been this one particular story that the kids like, and it has grown into an extremely bizarre and poopy-filled adventure.  As I share this utterly foul story with you, please remember that the most surreal and random aspects of this story are more often than not the creative minds of Andrew and Emma at work.


Once upon a time, Andrew and Emma had a playdate with their friend, Winnie the Pooh.  They had a wonderful day playing all of their favorite games together.  They played dress-up.  They played with cars.  They rode their scooters.  And they had a lot of yummy and healthy snacks to eat.

Soon it was time for Winnie the Pooh to leave.  But before he left, he figured he should go to the bathroom because the Hundred Acre Woods is so far, far away.  Andrew and Emma showed Winnie the Pooh where the bathroom was, and they waited for him.

As Winnie the Pooh sat on the toilet, he didn't realize what a small doll he was because he slipped through the toilet seat and got stuck in the toilet.

"Oh bother," cried Winnie.  "Andrew!  Emma!  Could you please help me?"

Andrew and Emma walked into the bathroom and couldn't believe their eyes.  Winnie the Pooh was completely stuck in their toilet.  Only Winnie the Pooh's head was sticking out.  Andrew and Emma tried to pull Winnie the Pooh out, but they were not strong enough.  What could they do?

"Perhaps, you could call your parents," suggested Winnie the Pooh.

That was a great idea!  Andrew called Daddy at work.

The phone rang, and Daddy picked up the phone saying, "Hello!  Welcome to Arby's.  May I help you?"

"Daddy! Daddy!" screamed Andrew.  "I need help at home!"

"What's wrong?" panicked Daddy.

"Pooh is in the toilet!" exclaimed Andrew.

"Good for you.  Keep it there," said Daddy.

"No! You don't understand!  I need to get my Pooh out of the toilet!' explained Andrew.

"Don't get your poo out of the toilet!  Poo stays in the toilet!" scolded Daddy.

Andrew grew frustrated with Daddy and hung up.  Emma decided to try Mommy at work.

The phone rang, and Mommy answered the phone, "Hello.  Vivid Entertainment, may I help you?"

"Mommy!  It's Emma!"  Emma understood the confusion that happened between Andrew and Daddy, so she told Mommy, "Winnie the Pooh is stuck in the toilet, and we need to get him out!"

"Not again," said Mommy.  "I'll be right home."

When Mommy arrived at home, she saw Winnie the Pooh stuck in the toilet.  She tried flushing the toilet while holding on to Winnie, but the suction was too great and down went Winnie the Pooh into the pipes.

"Now what?" yelled Andrew and Emma.

"I guess I'll have to go get my magical bikini and save Winnie the Pooh," sighed Mommy.

Mommy went into the bedroom and put on her magical Hello Kitty bikini top and bottom.  She returned to the bathroom, stood in the toilet, and signaled Andrew and Emma to flush her down the toilet.  With a nod of her head, she was flushed down the toilet, spinning round and round until she disappeared.

After a moment of silence, the kids heard their Mommy say, "I'm here with Winnie the Pooh, but now I'm stuck in the toilet too!  Now I need help!"

Andrew and Emma knew exactly what to do:  they called Team Umizoomi.  Team Umizoomi appeared with their friend Bot.  They examined the situation and by using math, they realized that Winnie the Pooh and Mommy were stuck five feet underneath the toilet.

"We will go down the toilet and save her with a song," said Team Umizoomi.

When your Mommy and your Pooh is stuck in a toilet,
There's only one team to call to help.
Team Umizoomi!  Team Umizoomi!

We'll go five feet under
To find your friends.
Let's count together
And find your Pooh.
Team Umizoomi!  Team Umizoomi!

Five!  We just started.
Four!  We past some toilet paper.
Three!  There's last night's dinner.
Two!  We're getting really close.
One!  We see a bikini.
We saved them!

Team Umizoomi!  Team Umizoomi!

And from the downstair's toilet, out splashed Winnie the Pooh, Mommy with her magical bikini, and Team Umizoomi.  Andrew and Emma were so overjoyed to see their friends and Mommy safe and sound that they covered them all with gigantic hugs and kisses. 

Over a snack of milk and cookies, Mommy told Andrew and Emma that if there's anything to be learned at all from this incident, it is that you never put your Pooh in the toilet.


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