Saturday, October 20, 2007

Day 29 - Rub A Dub Dub

First of all, Andrew and Emma are now four weeks old and tomorrow they will be one month old. Secondly, Lisa and I feel like forty years old and tomorrow we will be one month closer to death. Sorry for a lack of blog updates this week, but I will try to be more diligent. At the very least, I'll post pictures throughout the week! Anyhoo, on with today's story.

My parents have been down here for the past two weeks to help us out (more details to follow), and I must share a bathing incident with Grannie Ichikawa and Andrew.

For the past few days, a rash has engaged itself around Andrew's butt. We've been putting some different types of creams and ointments to soothe the redness. Nothing says parenthood like diddling your child's anus proudly with topical cream.

Our nightly routine is to shampoo and wipe down the kids every night, and give them a bath every other night. But for my mother that is just not clean enough. Although my mom is not Howard Hughes clean (though she does pee in milk bottles), she is a very neat person. She's the type that cleans a hotel room before using anything. This is why she was upset when she stayed in a fancy hotel that had two bathrooms. "Now I have TWO bathrooms to clean! What kind of vacation is this?"

A few days ago before I came home from work, my mom wanted to wash Andrew's butt.

"I tink I will wash Andrew before Scotty come home. Just his butt though. Poor ting," sighed my mother.

Over the past few weeks, my mom has jumped in the trenches and pretty much does or tries to do everything. She pulled out the baby bath tub, our bucket of bathing goods, the froggie hoodie towel, and a diaper. All gets arranged around our kitchen sink like a five course meal at a fancy restaurant. The water: a perfect temperature. And it begins...

Since my mom just wanted to do a quick wash, she decided she would only get Andrew's bottom half naked. She enlisted my dad to help hold Andrew in the tub while she washes and rinses.

"Look at Andrew. He so happy I wash butt," gleams my mom.

And then disaster number one happens. Or to be more exact, number two. Andrew craps all over the tub. Neat freak Grannie Ichikawa freaks out.

"OH NO!!!! He pooping in tub!"

My mom commands my dad to pull Andrew out of the tub so she can dump the muddy water into the kitchen sink. As my panicked mom cleans the tub with hot water, my dad holds Andrew half naked over the kitchen counter. Cue disaster number two. Or to be more exact, number one. Andrew pees all over the kitchen.

"OH NO!!! He peeing in kitchen!"

My mom commands my dad to cover Andrew's penis with a bath towel while the feces covered tub is left in the sink. This body function fiasco has my parents running back and forth between the bedroom and kitchen trying to keep this from getting any worse. There's poop in the sink. There's poop in the tub. There's pee in the sink. There's pee on the counter. There's pee in towels. It's basically the end of the movie "Quills."

Of course my mom has to clean everything before I come home. She gets her best friend, Clorox, out from under the sink and starts scrubbing away. After the last sponge is squeezed dry, my mom collapses in the living room proclaiming, "I'm pooped."

Yes, Mom. You were pooped.

P.S. You may be wondering what Lisa was doing during all of this. She was laughing and taking pictures. Here are the pictures! Good job Lisa!

Not even a mighty Sea Monkey would survive in there.

"Where's the Clorox?!?"


kevin said...

Where is the winning caption?

maureen said...

Ha, and little Andrew just sleeps through it all! If only life was always that easy...