Saturday, August 28, 2010

Day 1052 - Crazy Grandma Ichikawa Storytime

After a 24 month stay on Shutter Island, our favorite psychotic grandma has been released just in time for another riveting edition of...Crazy Grandma Ichikawa Storytime!

Potty training is a big deal for Crazy Grandma. She's a little irritated that we haven't potty trained our kids yet. Our kids will be three in a month, and Crazy Grandma insists that we start moving on the movements. Crazy Grandma tells me that she had me potty trained by the time I was two years old, but each time I hear the story I get younger and younger. I have a feeling the next time I hear the story she will tell me that I was potty trained as a fetus and used the edge of her uterus as a potty seat.

The new lecture from Crazy Grandma is that we should teach Andrew how to pee standing up instead of sitting down. For some reason she is concerned that Andrew will never learn to pee standing up. It's almost as if the repeated action of peeing sitting down will shrivel his penis into a vagina.

We got into another debate with Crazy Grandma about this topic.

"You need to teeech An-doo how to pee standing up!" demanded Crazy Grandma.

I tried to reason with my mom by saying, "Ugh! Ah! Grrr!"

"It very important to teeech An-doo how to pee da right way. He no girl!" said Crazy Grandma with astuteness.

Once again, I tried to reassure my mom that we will teach him how to pee standing up as soon as he shows more interest and consistency with his potty training. But as usual, that was not good enough.

"Fine den," said Crazy Grandma. "I will show An-doo how to pee standing up!"

And without going into any more detail that would cause the young and impressionable to vomit, Crazy Grandma showed Andrew how to pee standing up.

...excuse me while I vomit...

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