Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day 1027 - Target Marks the Spot

It has come to a point in my life where a trip to Target by myself is a treat. I enter the red front doors to a waft of freshly popped popcorn and a chilly draft of cherry Icee. I nod to the slightly inebriated security guard, grab a shopping cart, and merrily stroll down the aisle to discover what treasures await for me at the $1 bins.

I had to do a really quick trip to buy something for the Lisa and the kids. I grabbed the items and waited in the express check-out line that is often slowed down by an elderly person searching for coupons and being confused by the credit card swiper.

As I looked at the two items in my hands, I realized that they clearly identified me as a father and a husband: a box of overnight diapers and a box of tampons. Either that or I have a very unusual way of entertaining myself on a Saturday night.

There was a time when I might've been embarrassed to be found in public with tampons and diapers, but that time has passed. Especially after the incident in which I was found in public with a maxipad jacket and pool floaties made out of colostomy bags.

I began to think that in this age of infidelity and whorefulness (Wow! I made up a new word! That's awesometistic!), we need a new way to identify those cheaters and whores. A wedding ring is way too small and easy to hide, so I propose that all husbands and fathers now wear clothes made out of diapers and feminine hygiene products.

Imagine the possibilities. A maxipad parka. Diaper suits. Tampon ascots. Can you name anything else that is fashionable and can save a marriage at the same time?

I know this all may sound ridiculous, but I really believe in being a father and a husband. It's serious business and takes a lot of work to be good at both. I know I'm still a work-in-progress and probably will be for a very long time. So in the meantime, I'll do my best to be diligent and persevere towards being the best dad and husband I can be...by designing the male tampon thong. It's genius!

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