Day 1507 - Picture Friday

 "What am I suppose to do with this?  Sell used cars?  Some present for a four year old..."

 Emma holds hands and does a lovely pose with Mr. Frosty.

 "Like hell I'm going to hold hands with this freak.  Don't you see that yellow snow there?  Uh-uhhhh!"

As Lisa tries to gain Emma's interest with books, all Emma can think about is the girl to the left of her with an iPad.

Have a great weekend!

Day 1506 - Eat-tiquette

We try to instill in the kids proper eating etiquette:  chew with your mouth closed, eat with utensils, keep your ass off the table.  Simple things like that.  But somehow, kids will be kids, and before you know it their ass is back on the table.

After dinner, Andrew came up with this little schtick on how people eat around our dinner table.  It was pretty interesting so I decided to record it on my camcorder.  Although I asked Andrew to recreate what he did, I swear to you that this kid made it up all by himself.  I think after viewing the video, you might be able to confirm for yourself who Andrew takes after...

Day 1504 - Snark Attack!

I hope I can honestly say that our kids are pretty good children.  We have problems just like any other parent whether it be something small like reminding them to say thank you or something large like identity theft (Boy!  These kids sure learn how to hack at an early age!).  But the one thing we are noticing with Emma is that she has learned how to be a little snarky.

It probably doesn't help that her parents are lovingly sarcastic to each other.  Probably not a day goes by where she doesn't hear a conversation like this:

LISA:  Did you remember to mail the bills?

SCOTT:  Oh thanks SO much for reminding me since I'M the one who writes them out every month.

LISA:  I'm glad you remembered because that DWP bill on the counter must NOT be there because YOU put it in the mailbox.

SCOTT:  That's right because the COUNTER is a MAILBOX.

And...end scene.

Here are just two recent examples of Emma's snarkiness.  First, it was bedtime, and Lisa was putting Emma into bed.  Since it has been a little colder at night, Lisa wanted Emma to go underneath the blankets.  Emma did not want to do it.  Lisa explained to Emma that she wants to tuck her into the blankets so she'll stay nice and warm.

And what did Emma have to say about this?  She told Lisa, "You don't have to worry about me.  You just worry about yourself."

The second example was a double whammy.  It was dinner, and we were all sitting and eating...except Emma.  Lisa told Emma to stop fooling around and to eat her dinner.  Lisa said this several times, and I think this started to annoy Emma because she told Lisa, "No more conversations!  Everybody just be quiet and eat!"

Whammy number one.

Lisa explained to Emma that everyone was eating except her.  Lisa pointed towards Andrew and said, "Look at your brother.  He's just sitting down and eating his dinner."

Emma did not like this comparison because she responded, "I don't think Andrew even knows what the word 'conversation' means..."

DOUBLE WHAMMY!

I'm glad when we hear Emma talk like this we can laugh because there will be very little laughing in the house when she becomes a teenager. For now, we are trying to sternly tell Emma that there are certain ways to talk to people that are acceptable and not acceptable.  We don't want to overreact because this may only feed the fire inside her more.  Or as Lisa and I explained to her:

LISA:  Please don't say that, Emma.  Because your Daddy would NEVER say that.

SCOTT:  Oh yes.  I would NEVER say that because your Mommy would NEVER give me a REASON to say such a thing.

What role models we are...

Day 1502 - Dear Santa Part 2

The holidays are upon us, and this is a wonderful time to be parents.  Sure, the whole Santa Claus/family/gift crap is great.  But even better is that you're able to blackmail your kids into behaving like good little children!  You're not going to eat your vegetables?  NO PRESENTS!  You're not going to stay in bed?  NO PRESENTS!  You're not going to give us your Christmas money?  NO PRESENTS!

I've never asked my friends how they deal with Santa Claus at their homes, but we have arbitrarily decided that Santa Claus magically fills up your Christmas stockings with toys and gifts on Christmas Eve; all of the other gifts underneath the tree are from family, friends, and sperm donors.

Although we already bought Emma and Andrew their gifts , we asked them to write a letter to Santa.  Being a teacher, Lisa told the kids to write their own letter.  So with a little coaxing and coaching, Emma and Andrew wrote their own letters to Santa for the very first time.

Here is Emma's letter:

It says:

DEAR SANTA,
I WANT PLAYDOH, CASTLE, BOOK.
EMMA

I hope Santa will be able to read those commas or else Emma's going to end up getting a play-doh castle book.  The funny thing that came out of writing this letter is that Emma told us she was a little nervous about Christmas because she thought she screwed things up when she visited Santa.  Emma explained that she told Santa she only wanted a princess castle and nothing else.  When the actual truth is that she wants a princess castle and many, many more presents.

And here is Andrew's letter:

It says:

DEAR SANTA,
I WANT CARS, PLAYDOH, BOOK.
ANDREW

If you're wondering why Andrew's letter is so similar to Emma's, it's because Andrew got a mental block after cars.  All Andrew really enjoys playing with are all of his Cars toys, but he didn't want to get screwed out of receiving less presents than Emma so he decided to tag on playdoh and books.  Take that, Emma!

Since the kids wrote these letters towards the end of the day, we told them that we would mail them out tomorrow.  Or maybe not?  Did you pick up all of your toys?  No?  Well maybe we won't mail your Santa letter!  Bwahahah!  Oh, I love Christmas...

Day 1501 - Dear Santa

This weekend, we took the kids to see Santa Claus.  After looking online and realizing that the photo packages at every mall is pretty much the same, we took the kids to the Santa at the Americana.  The Americana is the Valley's version of The Grove, but with more smog.  The only thing I've ever bought at The Americana is a cup of coffee, but that's par for the course for me at any mall.  But the Santa at the Americana is a pretty good one, and the set up is really nice.

If I was in charge of the kids, they would visit Santa wearing a primary colored t-shirt and denim jeans.  But Lisa being Lisa, she busted out the button-down shirt for Andrew and a new holiday dress for Emma.   I am sure both sides of the family are thankful that there is someone in our family that has some fashion sense.

We arrived at the Americana early enough where there was only a five to eight minute wait to see Santa.  While in line, we maintained the Asian stereotype of testing our kids to make sure they efficiently and optimally performed in front of Santa.  What's his name?  Santa Claus.  Where do you sit?  On his lap.  What do you want for Christmas?  WRONG!  You want a slide ruler and an abacus!

When it was Andrew and Emma's turn with Santa, they were still a little shy, but they spoke up and told Santa what they wanted for Christmas.  Andrew said he wanted cars, and Emma asked for a princess castle.  After the small talk, the elf photographer tried to get the kids' attention with a sock monkey.  Emma does a great job posing for pictures, but Andrew is always a little off.  He's always preoccupied looking at something else besides the camera, and his smiles lean between being constipated and a stroke victim.

As the kids trotted off with Lisa with candy canes in hand, I made a u-turn towards the purchase line.   I decided to pick one of two photo packages:  1)  The $30 package which includes (1) 5x7 and a usb drive with every photo; 2) The $20 package which includes a usb drive with your choice of one photo.

I made my way to the computer monitor and viewed the five photos that were taken.  Photo #1 - Emma smiling, Andrew looking off to the side.  Photo #2 - Emma smiling, Andrew looking at the floor.  Photo #3 - Emma not smiling, Andrew constipated.  Photo #4 - Emma smiling, Andrew slightly constipated.  Photo #5 - Emma smiling, Andrew angry.

And Photo #4 it shall be.  Happy holidays...with a slight chance of constipation!

Day 1500 - Picture Friday

 "If I pee right into the tree trunk, no one will ever know..."

 Emma will hit a mile after she runs around this lap 87 more times.

 "Who me?  Nap?"

Happiness is...a Mother who will pull out your back hairs.

Have an awful weekend...

JUST KIDDING!  Have a great weekend!

Day 1499 - Hairy Situation

I think when you have boy/girl twins, you inevitably have the kids take interest in the opposite gender's toys and clothes.  Emma will play with Andrew's cars and fire trucks, and Andrew will play with Emma's dolls and fairy wings.  We've even had conversations with Andrew explaining to him why only girls and Daddy wear dresses.

Most of the time, our kids just don't want to be left out.  For instance, if Emma is getting fingernail stickers, then Andrew wants them because he wants the same amount of attention.  For the most part, we let our kids play with or wear whatever they want to at home.  But we will try to point them towards the "right" direction when going out into public; Lisa tends to do this more since she is quite embarrassed with my general appearance.

The one thing that has been hilarious is what happens at our preschool.  There are occasions when a teacher may braid Emma's hair at school.  It's quite fancy and impressive.  But of course, Andrew feels left out, so he wants something done to his hair too.  Since Andrew's hair is no where as long as Emma's, the teacher needs to improvise.  What she came up with is sprouting Andrew's hair with rubber bands. 

Here are a few glamor shots of Andrew's various hair styles: